Well, looky there. My birthday is this weekend. Honestly, it's freaking me out a bit. Not to become a middle-aged stereotype, but the fact that I'm now close enough to 40 to give it a good smack on the ass, it is making me nervous.
In other news, did you know that none of you fabulous people took me up on the contest offer from last week? I know you can use some free art, right? Here are some things you can do with my photo if you win: give it as a gift, put it on your wall, use it to decoupage, have it turned into an awesome coffee mug/mouse pad/tee shirt, masturbate to it...wait, what? Who typed that? Wasn't me! I swear!
Anyway, be sure to enter by next Friday at 5 p.m. CST. Now, let's do some looking around the internet!
In the interest of EXPANSION I've been reading a lot of books on freelancing, writing, creating an ideal life and personal branding over the last few months. Last night I was pouring over Be Your Own Brand, and some of the ideas really struck me.
I've wondered quite a bit on here (and during my general alone time) about why I procrastinate and sabotage myself. I've come to the basic conclusion that I'm afraid of a lot of stuff, but this book made me think something else is also behind it.
The authors write about the importance of authenticity when building a brand. People, they say, will trust you faster and longer when they feel you're being real with them. Which, aside from making total sense, I believe I'm good at doing. But, they also mention three important components of authenticity: purpose, vision and values.
I have the strongest handle on my values (the stuff that's important to me), a little bit less of a grasp on my vision (What do I really want out of life? To make movies? Become a pro-blogger? Make money selling my photos?) and almost no idea of what my purpose (Really, why do I specifically exist in the world?) is.
The purpose part is what really bugged and stuck with me, because here's what they say about purposeless folks: people without it have no grounding for their values, no motivation to act and nothing that inspires desire.
NO MOTIVATION TO ACT AND NOTHING THAT INSPIRES DESIRE.
That's not a direct quote, but that's what hit my heart hard. That phrase pretty much describes my whole life. I've got lots of big goals and plans and dreams, but have made very little effort to bring much of anything to fruition.
The Why am I here? question has nagged at me since I was a little kid. It comes to the forefront whenever I have a deeply depressed moment that leaves me feeling like a wasted bag of useless existence. But, really? I've never had a very strong feeling of Oh! This is why I'm here!
Is this it? Is this really why I lack enough ambition to push through fear and act on what I want with few limitations? Has this been the root of my depression all these years? Is this what's actually causing my newly acquired panic attacks? Is this the root of my general passionless mood, something that's been with me for decades?
I swear. The more I read, the more I see how screwy I am.
Welly, well, well! Looks like it's Friday again, my friends. I've been working hard on Citygirl today to update some things. If you look right under the masthead you'll notice some nifty new pages that I'd love for you to check out. They'll tell you more about me and the writing projects I've completed. Plus! If you'd like to take advantage of my writing services there will be another page available shortly that'll spell all the options out for you. Yay!
Now, the contest! A few days ago I noticed something cool had happened with Citygirl; I've hit 30 followers! As a thank you for reading and supporting my work here, I'm having a little contest.
The first five people who email me at rockette74@yahoo.com with the subject line "Contest! Woo! Yay!" by 2 p.m. CST on Monday will be emailed a photo from my extensive library of the shots I've taken over the years. Just let me know what category of pic you want (Animals, Cats, Nature, People, or Inanimate Objects) in the email.
All photos will carry a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs license, which means you can do whatever you want with the photo as long as you don't alter it or make money off of it and give me credit for the image. You can check out my photo blog, A Girl And Her Camera or many of my previous posts here to see more of my photos.
Phew! Now, lovelies, on to some interesting things around the web!
I'm sure a lot of you have forgotten all about Heavy D & The Boyz, if you knew about them at all. But for fans of late '80s through mid '90s hip hop, Heavy D was the shit. I wish he hadn't passed away earlier this week at only 44 years old.
Want to get to know Heavy D and his ever present Boyz? Here you go...
I've been chatting via email with another blogger about making and keeping friends, and how difficult it seems to be (for some of us, at least).
When I was a kid, I always had a couple of buddies I did things with: going roller skating or swimming, having sleep overs, heading to the movies, passing notes in class...But I was never one of those people with a gaggle of amigos surrounding me at all times. I was quiet, studious, lacking in confidence, overweight, well-mannered, four-eyed and frequently riddled with acne. Any one of those things could have knocked me out of cohort competition, but I suspect the combination was what really did me in.
I spent the occasional moment, as a young'n, wondering why more people didn't like me, but I was basically fine with having only one or two close friends. Now, of course, I've been without close friends who live nearby for several years.
It's odd. Even when I was young and thinking about friendship two things never occurred to me: completely changing who I was to fit in more and concern over my future ability to make friends. I guess it seemed like I'd always be able to run into someone somewhere who had things in common with me.
Creating and maintaining friendships is like money management, or brewing the perfect pot of coffee. No one teaches you that stuff. They all just assume you'll get it or that you'll ask the right questions and then they can help you. Clearly, it doesn't always work that way.
What have you learned about friendship since becoming an adult?
Do any of you stare at your boobs forlornly and then pull or push them up higher with your hands as you imagine your faded youth and the even saggier boobs to come?
Alright, fine. Don't participate! But, you know what? I've been doing that after almost every bath or shower and sometimes when I'm just changing my clothes.
I think it's mostly because this new boob low was reached just a few months ago. Actually, I had just gotten used to the previous hang level when I looked down in the bath one day and thought Oh, OK...I guess this is where they like to be now...Oh, well...
This is going to sound extreme, but the aging process does appear to be a bit like a car wreck. There's no schedule to the atrocities and when you pass a new tangle of twisted metal and confused passengers you are absolutely horrified. And yet, you cannot look away.
I'm not loosing sleep over these things: the increased ear wax, pendulous breasts, odd smells, gray facial hairs, memory loss or preponderance of whiskers. I'm just ready to feel less like I'm in free-fall. You know?
It may be 72 degrees in St. Louis today, but the multicolored leaves decorating the ground and the crisp nights tell a very different story. It's November, y'all! We are fully into fall with its jackets, bonfires, short days and invigoratingly cool nights.
A huge part of fall for me, and many of you I imagine, is the accompanying big ol' pots of warm and gooey comfort food. Thanks to HUBS' folks I got the chance to cook something new on Sunday. They have a rather large garden, and brought over several things when they visited the day before, including a butternut squash and some spinach fettuccine that they had tried but weren't crazy about (for some reason).
I adapted this recipe from Redbook where it was only meant for roasted butternut squash. I increased the recipe a bit to accommodate the greater number of veggies I used. Balsamic Honey Roasted Veggies
1 medium Butternut Squash, peeled and cut in chunks 5 Yukon Gold Potatoes, cut in chunks 8 ounces Baby Carrots, cut in half lengthwise 1 medium Onion, sliced 3 to 4 tablespoons each Balsamic Vinegar, Honey and Olive Oil Salt & Pepper
Get your oven to 425 degrees. Spray a roasting dish with cooking spray and start tossing veggies in. Once you get a full layer of mixed veggies, drizzle them with 1 tablespoon each of balsamic, honey and olive oil then sprinkle with some salt and pepper. Keep layering until you get all your veggies in the pan and stir things up a bit to make sure everything gets covered in the goodness.
This will take about 40 minutes in the oven to get good and done. If you take the pan out and the juices got stuck to the bottom, never fear, my friends! Add water to the pan (with the veggies still in there) swirl it around and in a few minutes the heat and water will loosen all that flavor and create a nice sauce for the veggies. We poured the result over the spinach fettuccine and sprinkled on a little grated Parmesan/Asiago/Romano blended cheese.
HUBS' mom also brought us a portion of a homemade chocolate cake on Saturday, which we promptly finished in two days. Since I am dessert's bitch, I needed something else sweet on Monday, and made the easiest peanut butter chocolate chip cookies I've ever seen. They also turned out incredibly flaky, moist and delicious.
Apparently, when you begin going gray, any and all hairs on your body are up for grabs. After getting side-swiped with a silvery eyebrow hair earlier this year, I now have another pale demon to contend with:
A GRAY MUSTACHE HAIR!
I swear to FUCK, you guys! It's bad enough that I have to deal with upper-lip facial fuzz, but now that shit is turning white on me? Insane in my membrane!!
Oh well, here I go, fighting nature again. Let's get to some linkage!
1) If you like Mindy Kaling (and if you like The Office, then you do) you might enjoy hearing about her new book and website.
2) Oprah's teaching the world again. This time she's using case studies from her old episodes to try to help folks live better day-to-day. I signed up months ago and then totally forgot about it, I'll get to it eventually!
3) Need more help making your life better? Try these other online resources.
4) Anyone interested in glam shots of African-American icons of the past should head here and learn some stuff.
Not that we were ever super-tight, but Sharpton said some ridiculous shit when he gave Tyler Perry an award from his National Action Network last week. What did he say? Al Sharpton said that Black people who diss Tyler Perry films are "proper Negroes."
What kind of idiocy is this? There's no Black Handbook, that lists appropriate likes, dislikes and opinions for African Americans. And you know what, Al? If there were, it would be WRONG.
We are just as free as White folks, Latinos, Koreans, Native Americans, and everyone else to dislike Tyler Perry movies if we want to. The idea that True Blackness = Loving Tyler Perry Movies is out-of-this-world foolish. I am a 100% positive that ALL Mexicans don't love Eva Longoria and that ALL Caucasians don't love Leonardo DiCaprio.
Life doesn't work like that, regardless of race or creed, and someone Sharpton's age should certainly know that. Will the asininity among Black people never cease?!
Has anyone been watching The Chew? It's the show ABC killed All My Children for. Now, I'm going to admit my bias toward soaps up front; I'd watched AMC off and on for around 16 years, though for the past two our relationship was mostly 'off'.
However, I wanted The Chew to work out. I love cooking and am a huge fan of cooking shows, even ones with stupid names. I've now watched about a week's worth of episodes and can state without a doubt that it's semi-painful to watch. Separately, all the hosts (There are five. FIVE, people!) seem likeable enough. Together, though? It's just too messy. Here are my reasons why it's not working.
Why The Chew Sorta Sucks
1) There's already four chef/food people in the house, we don't need an official moderator. Clinton Kelly, why are you here?
2) Even with Clinton, the conversations are always awkward. I don't think any of the hosts are used to dealing with a live audience...Or each other, for that matter.
3) Dammit, there's just too many bitches on stage! And they're never all doing the same thing. Two people are standing, three are sitting, someone's cooking, someone's chopping, someone else is gesticulating wildly...THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH GOING ON AT ONCE!
4) No one here is a journalist or has any real interviewing skills. Yesterday Mario Batali asked guest and New York mayor Michael Bloomberg, "What do you expect from a New Yorker?" I could see Bloomberg's befuddlement and really wanted him to answer, "Well, the least you can do is not be a dick." But, he answered without a hint of sarcasm. Damn!
5) No one here is Regis. The hosts tell stories, but none of them have the right oomph to make them pop. Cue additional awkwardness.
6) Crap, I just found out they have a correspondent. Are you really telling me Clinton couldn't do the remote pieces for them? It's not like he's running a restaurant at night. Again...Too. Many. People.
7) The food looks good, but the prep work lacks even the most remote appeal. Part of this is due to the lackluster set; it just barely looks like a kitchen in there.
8) None of the hosts seem to be very well prepared. And, on top of that, they seem to be trying really hard to make us like them. As a result they come off as super desperate.
I'm not the only one thinking the show needs some major tweaking to work. Even at it's silliest, AMC was still a better, less jumbled and boring, package.
Well, Happy Friday once again, friends! It's always a bit crazy how fast the weeks go by, isn't it? We are in full-on fall, and with the temps this week, it's clear winter is just around the corner.
I've been updating Citygirl, as promised. My About Me A Lot page (up top) has totally changed and I'll likely give it a new title as soon as I think of one. I've also added some of those ever popular social media buttons and a cool version of my resume under my profile on the right side. Before long I'll also be adding pages for links to my writing projects and the services I offer as a writer. So, Yea! EXPANSION!
On to some Friday fun links:
1) Apparently, folks are getting hot about the Dr. Pepper TEN ad campaign. I don't know why, I thought it was silly and funny. What do you think?
2) People are also pissy about this British singer, since she admitted that her image was manufactured by managers and the like. I think a lot of musicians have images that aren't completely in-line with who they really are. So, what do you think is bothering people, that she allowed the manufacturing or that she admitted it? More importantly, if you like the song, should it matter?
I know it seems odd to become obsessed with a roll of paper towels, but dammit! These are awesome!
HUBS and I had been using generic paper towels after becoming addicted to Viva but giving them up to save some household supply dough. I was shopping at Walgreens and saw that they had a six pack of Scott Naturals for $4, so I figured trying them out wouldn't be a big deal.
I was wrong. It was a huge deal! I've found the perfect paper towels, people!
At first, I hated them. They are as hard as the day is long, my friends. But, it turns out that that's a feature instead of a bug. I'd advise against wiping your mouth with them unless absolutely necessary, but they are amazing for:
1) Hand washing dishes 2) Scrubbing the stove 3) Cleaning cat barf off the carpet 4) Wiping down dirty kitchen walls 5) De-grubbing baseboards 6) Carrying cat kibble
I'm sure there are more uses that I haven't thought of yet. The key thing you should know? You can wet them and scrub away for several minutes before the barest hint of a tear will appear.
My Monopalooza 2011 fog cleared a bit last night (finally) and today I've been able to stay awake all day and even had enough energy to leave the house.
At some point early this morning a thought about my general personality crossed my mind: could my life long lack of ambition really just be depression?
Don't get me wrong, I've had times where I've worked extremely hard to prove myself and done things I didn't really want to in order to show employers/friends/family that I was serious about work/opportunities/connections. But? I've never had the kind of drive that makes people mention 'ambitious' as one of my attributes.
It occurred to me that, instead of a character flaw, my semi-drive-less state could be my depression hanging around. I know for a fact that I've been dealing with depression since I was around 11 or 12 years old. Isn't that about the time kids start wanting to accomplish things on a higher level? Thinking about their hopes for their college-bound and adult lives?
All I remember thinking is that I wanted to finish school and go to Georgia Tech because my godmother lived in Atlanta. That was it. I had no dreams of how I wanted to live my life (none that were realistic, anyway). And there was, throughout college, no idea of how to get from point A to point B. In fact, I was so focused on getting out of college that I graduated without the barest hint of an internship or career in journalism.
Granted, college was one of what I'll call my depression 'peaks', but I totally flaked on my own future. Was it just stupid laziness, or was it depression? I don't know how to tell the difference.
The thing I'm having the most trouble with now is networking. Back in June, prior to Monopalooza, I was able to go to two networking events even though talking to strangers without context is hard work for me. Since then, though, I haven't had the energy for socializing. Is it the mono? Laziness? Or, am I still depressed even after years of therapy and medication? Or...Oooh! New Thought! Or, is my lack of ambition something that's been leading to my depression all these years?
Crap. I could stand to go back to therapy, couldn't I?
Well, y'all it's been a chilly, grey, rainy day (totally unlike the photo) and my Monopalooza has clearly turned into something much more evil. I've now been sick (That's me being gentle so you folks don't have to think about me being trapped in the bathroom for three hours at a time...Oops...) three times in about a month. The last two incidents happened yesterday *yowza* and this morning *egad* when I was this close to getting my assignment done super early.
As much as I hate to go back to the doctor two months after getting my mono diagnosis, I am obviously not well. Who knows, maybe she can give me something to settle my stomach, or at least give me some ideas for natural, at-home remedies I can use.
In much better news? The Cardinals are headed to the World Series! We got enough free lunch this Sunday to feed both HUBS and myself! We wet to church again! I made peanut butter cookies with chocolate and peanut butter chips, ate four of them and didn't throw them up!
Now! On to the music! I'm still on an oldie kick, so enjoy the past, lovelies!*
*It's possible I've used one exclamation point too many.
I'm taking a teensy blog break to straighten up some things around the old blogging homestead and make some cool additions.
I know! You came here for entertainment, so...How about watching Tom Hanks' son sing in a music video? He's actually not bad! Though, I do see why folks are making fun a bit.
I could write scores about our exciting weekend of sleeping, sleeping, sleeping, going to IHOP, sleeping, sleeping, taking PT to Bandana's for her birthday and then sleeping some more. But, you'd likely feel just as enthused about that as Miller looks in the above photo. I know you'd rather just get straight to the tunes. Here we go!
I was puttering along just fine a few hours ago: I'd sent out some networking letters, made a list of things to get done and signed up for some networking events. Then, about an hour ago, I tried to make calls to set up interviews for next week's stories. Every time I placed a call it cut off as soon as someone picked up the phone.
I have now tried each restaurant twice and HUBS three times at two different numbers. He's also called me a couple of times, and there is only one conclusion I can come to: SUDDENLY, MY PHONE NO WORKY. Gah!
It's amazing how fast I went from being fine to feeling cutoff from the world and unable to concentrate on the tasks at hand. What's killing me is that my phone was fine yesterday, and I had meant to make my interview calls then, but got lazy and waited until today. Dammit! My fuck up + technological woes = LOTS OF FUCKING CURSING!
Let's move on to some interesting things online, shall we?
HUBS and I have been having what I'm going to call mono flashbacks this week, and Lord knows the last thing you want to do when you're headache-ridden, weak and racked with dizzy spells is...Stand. So, cooking anything major is out for a few days.
I drove us out to Smashburger for lunch today. It just opened a few months ago and still has that new restaurant feeling inside. The first thing we noticed? Their little corner of the strip mall smelled amazing as soon as we opened the car doors. That's always an impressive sign of quality, I must say.
The small (1/4 pound) Spicy Baja Smash with sweet potato smashfries and chili was my choice. It was topped with guacamole (which I passed on to HUBS), lettuce, tomato, onion, jalapenos, pepper jack cheese and spicy chipotle mayo on a chipotle bun. What else can I say about it...Oh, yeah. GOOD! Juicy and spicy without being killer, meaty and crunchy and really just perfect.
The fries were covered with rosemary, olive oil and garlic, which was a nice change from your traditional cinnamon-sugar topped sweet potato fries. There was a lot of nice crispness in that basket, too. Yummy (said with guttural growl).
Their Angus chili was truly some of the best I've had. They laced it with onions, jalapenos and cheddar cheese. It was really meaty, which usually gets on my nerves, but the sauce was so good I just wanted to suck the whole thing down. My only gripe is that I wish they'd chopped the jalapenos so I could have skipped that step while eating.
HUBS enjoyed this production, which is a St. Louis Big Smash with chili cheese fries. His burger was on a nice pretzel bun (good, though it didn't taste as pretzely as some of the other pretzel breads I've had) with grilled onions, sweet peppers and garlic mushrooms, and provel cheese. He, of course, loved it. And, in case you're wondering, the standard fries are great as well.
I can absolutely see us going back; it's about a 20 minute drive away but it's worth it. Yea! New food! What new food have you enjoyed lately?
Isn't it funny how our minds work? For the past couple of weeks I've been having a very brief recurring dream: I'm right out of the shower and looking down at my breasts. They are pitiful. Completely deflated, lying flat against my chest and as droopy as the day is long. It's a short, unattractive sight...And then the dream is over.
I just had the dream again last night, and I have to say, I had no idea I was worried enough about my boobies to have dreams about them. A quick Google of "sagging breast dreams" turned up meanings that made no sense for my life at all.
Is it possible I just need to do more wall push-ups and wear sturdier bras during my down time? It's. Possible. What do you keep dreaming about that you didn't realize was that big of a deal to you?
Unless you slept through the weekend you know that we've hit October. That's right, friends! Now is the season of changing leaf colors, warm and gooey comfort foods, and holiday planning. We've only got about a month until we turn the clocks back one hour and night falls when most of us are heading home from work for the day.
HUBS and I had yet another EXPANSION weekend. I actually cooked our big weekend meal on Saturday morning, something I'd never, ever done before. Usually I wait until the last possible moment of Sunday evening to do any major cooking. This time, though, I'd been putting off the prep work of chicken and dumplings for about four days. I like cooking, but honestly? Whenever it involves a lot of cleaning and chopping of veggies or the handling of massive amounts of raw meat I always hesitate.
When I woke up Saturday I had the distinct feeling that if I waited any longer to make this dish, I'd end up not doing it until all the veggies I'd bought for it had gone south. And who wants to waste food? So I bit that bullet, scrubbed, chopped and boiled my little heart out. Our Sunday dinner was done by 2 p.m. Saturday afternoon.
I got the recipe from one of my favorite cookbooks, Mad Hungry, and it's really rather simple:
1 3 to 4 lb whole chicken (neck and giblets removed) Half bag Baby Carrots 3 Small/Medium Turnips 2 stalks Celery 1 half Onion 3 Green Onions 3 Parsnips 5 or 6 springs fresh Parsley Salt, Pepper & Sage Dumplings 1 cup Flour 2 teaspoons Baking Powder 1/2 teaspoon Coarse Salt 3/4 cup Milk 2 tablespoons fresh parsley
Chop the veggies coarsely, except for the baby carrots which you leave whole, then put the first set of ingredients in a big pot and barely cover with water. Bring it to boiling and turn it down to a simmer and cover. The recipe said to leave it for 50 minutes, but I cooked mine for about two hours to make sure and it still turned out juicy.
Take out the chicken and veggies and when the chicken has cooled enough, take the meat off the bone and shred it.
To make the dumplings combine the dry ingredients and add the wet ones. Drop the dough by tablespoons into the simmering broth, cover and cook for 3 to 4 minutes. When the dumplings are done, put the veggies and shredded chicken back in and viola! You've got chicken and dumplings.
I made the mistake of stirring the pot after putting my veggies/chicken back in and the dumplings, though done, all fell apart except for one. It just served to thicken the broth and was still tasty. Serve with your shredded cheese of choice and either hot sauce or soy sauce (really, HUBS liked the soy).
We also we to church for the first time in about a year and a half on Sunday. HUBS and I have been looking for a church that's modern, but doesn't try too hard to be hip. This church has only been open since August, but the group seems nice and the only knock against the minister is that he said (I kid not) "Peace Out!" when he wrapped up the service. I can still see myself going back, but HUBS isn't sure yet.
