I Guess What They Say Is True

I've been reorganizing our bookshelves for about a month now, trying to get us down to three in an effort to reduce the amount of crap in our former sitting area. Today while I was cleaning off a long-neglected shelf I came upon some headshots I took in '99 while I was trying to be an actor.



Long story short? I was hot! But, of course, at the time I had no idea I looked even remotely presentable. I doubt I was even wearing makeup (except for lipstick), 'cause I didn't really futz with the stuff back then. The old adage is right, we don't know what we've got 'til it's gone. (Not that I'm some hideous troll woman now. I just mean that it would be nice to have that thin face - and body - again. Ya know?)

What do you wish you had appreciated about yourself when you were younger?

Music Monday! Dreary Day Cure

Man alive! It's been raining almost non-stop since Friday. Friday, people. When we had some pretty serious tornadoes rip through St. Louis and surrounding areas, including the airport. Amazingly, no one was killed or very badly hurt. I guess it really was a Good Friday in some ways.

I've had quite the productive day. I finally hooked my scanner back up after getting a new power cord from Canon, and was more than pleased to find it working again. I cannot tell you how glad I am to not have to shell out for a new scanner, especially since it's obvious that my laptop is on its last legs.

Also, I got some legwork done so I can start my interviews back up this week, cleared some contest stuff off my desk, did some preliminary homework on a possible vacation, took a long-ass nap, figured out something quick to make for dinner and even exercised for 20 minutes. Yay, getting shit done!

Hope you all had a gloriously restful, family filled Easter.

A Lot...And Yet, Not So Much

Luanne: our little Elizabethan poet.

Well, my holy fucking Lord. This has been quite a couple of weeks. I'm gonna break things down into bullet points so my weary mind can process the info as easily as possible.

-Kitten Update: They opened their eyes last week on the same day I took Luanne to the vet specialist. Today I noticed that one of them was cleaning a paw, so they're starting to pick up good kitty habits. Also last week? Miller's kitty mama instincts kicked into high gear and she moved the kittens from the safe, clean, padded box we made for her.

I heard kitty yelping and went downstairs to find that Miller had somehow moved the box a good 15 feet. The box was upside down and her BlackKitten was half trapped underneath. I moved the box and she ran off with BlackKitten. Where did she move them, you're wondering? To my 20 year old base drum that can best be described as a dusty bug graveyard. Oh, well. At least they're all safe.



-Luanne Update: I took Luanne to the specialist last Tuesday and was told that she simply wasn't getting enough food or water via forced syringe. We had to have a feeding tube installed. It made feeding and giving her water a lot easier. Luckily she hasn't had any complications from the surgery.

As I was in the waiting room, I noticed that her left eye was cloudy. I started to panic, and, naturally, my mind went straight to cancer: What the fuck! God, please don't let her have retinoblastoma! What if that's really why she stopped eating! Please don't let her go blind!

Guess what else happened? After we spent almost $2,000 getting her a feeding tube and fancy diagnostic tests she decided to start eating again. The. Very. Next. DAY. That's our little Luanne cat. Perfect fuckin' timing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's doing a bit of eating on her own. But, that procedure took up a huge chunk of living expenses. And! Feeding her via tube, while easier, is still no picnic. For a few days I was doing 4 feedings a day, plus cleaning the opening in her belly twice a day. There's a whole specific procedure that goes along with this thing. It's time consuming and tiring.

The specialist had given her a new antibiotic and after one dose of that fucker she could smell her food and was basically back to breathing normally. Obviously, if she ever gets sick again, we're going right for the Zeniquin. We're now down to two feedings a day, thank God. Hopefully, within the next week or so, we can get her tube taken out.

-Me Update: I'm not sure what exact parameters are used when people say "I threw my back out," but I do know that last Thursday, Friday and Saturday I was in an awesome amount of pain. Until the incident I was doing pretty good. I'd done some stretching and yoga Thursday morning and was feeling sort of strong and capable and less tired. Then I took a couch nap. When I tried to get up a couple of hours later I moved funny or twisted wrong or somehow angered God Almighty and the Devil, because I was suddenly fucked.

Every position hurt: sitting, standing, bending, laying on my stomach, back or either side, moving or being still. I took two Excedrin, which did precisely N.O.T.H.I.N.G. and went to bed in semi-agony. I returned to my old standby, Advil, Friday morning and was hoping to have a relatively easy day of feedings and nappings to rest my back. Especially since I had to get up at the ass fucking crack of dawn ( I've said fuck a lot in this post, haven't I? Indeed, and it's completely appropriate in every instance. Word.) to take Julia in to get fixed. (By the way, that surgery went fine. Except for the tapeworm they had to call me about that afternoon. Yay! Additional expenses!)

Not so fast, Jackson! I was almost done with Luanne's first feeding when the food stopped going through the tube and the syringe kept popping out and spewing food all over the place. I tried massaging the tube where it met her skin, like her nurse suggested if the tube got blocked. But, it didn't work. They also suggest forcing 5 to 10 cc's of carbonated beverage into the tube to help clear it. Guess who didn't have any soda in the house? Can you also guess who had to get her hurtin' ass to Walmart and looked like a crack head while doing so? Ooh, you guys ah wicked smaaaaat.

I also had to rush Luanne back to the specialist when her tube got blocked again on Monday. This time I really couldn't fix it. They had to loosen the flange that keeps the tube from slipping too far in. Luckily, her weight was good, her eyes were mostly cleared and her nurse gave me an A for keeping things clean. That's all amazingly good news, but we all know that sudden doctor's appointments are stressful, right? I will be so, so glad when everyone is totally healthy again.

Speaking of which, I was also constipated for about a week. I know, I know! Y'all just love to hear about constipation. It fills your hearts and makes your lives sing! My point is that I think stress and back pain caused it. Isn't it horrible how stress and pain fuck with all kinds of things that aren't directly related to the stressor, or the area of pain?

On the up side, A couple of days ago I started feeling like a real person again. I even exercised for over a half hour yesterday. EEee!

-HUBS Update: We haven't had sex in over a month. I feel really bad about it, but I also feel too tired and bothered with other stuff to give sex any effort. A therapist might help, but that shit ain't free, unfortunately.

God, I'm tired just going over it all. Enjoy your Thursday night TV folks! And, as always, thanks for listening.

Music Monday! Phew...

Let's see:

- Luanne is still sick and is going to see a specialist tomorrow morning. Cost for just the appointment? $120.

- I got an email this morning that the mom of my friend from college who was the lady of honor at my wedding (matron sounded too old) has kidney cancer was having surgery today.

- Tux won't stop hissing at Julia whenever we bring him upstairs to integrate him into the rest of the cat population.

- I'm exhausted from taking care of Luanne, never
feel like cooking and therefore we're spending way too much money eating out.

- I'm damn near out of anytime minutes on my cell until the 20th.

- My feet will not stop stinking! I swear, I shower and they just laugh at me.

- Gas prices are expected to get to $4 this summer. You know, soon.

- People are paying good money to see Charlie Sheen do nothing special on stage when some actors and musicians are dying to get time on any stage anywhere.

- Japan had another earthquake.

- I feel blobby.

Sure, some of these things are a lot worse than the others, but dammit I need to be uplifted!

It's hard to feel like crap when you watch Pocoyo. Bask in the glow, y'all.

Citygirl Bites! Plush Pig Barbeque

We here at Citygirl headquarters lurve us some BBQ. By the time Sunday rolled around we needed sauced up meat like never before. So, we headed to the Plush Pig to see their new digs in Rock Hill. The last time we dined with them, their place was in Clayton and we had just lost a lawsuit against the former owner of our house (long story, y'all).



I got the rib tips and fries, plus sides of cole slaw and green beans. Man, that was disappointing. It wasn't inedible, but, you know how you build something up and then when you finally get to it it's just...meh? That's how this was. The tips were kinda fatty and none of the food was actually hot when it got to me. And we all know that lukewarm fries are meh, right? The waitress originally brought the wrong sides, but when I finally got the ones I ordered, they were ok.



HUBS ordered the sausage and meat cmbo with baked beans and potato salad. I didn't try any of his meat (heh, heh, heh) but he said the meal had a similar effect on him. It was edible, but didn't burn him to the ground and make him want to go back to the Plush Pig anytime soon. Even the baked beans, which I can honestly say were some of the best in St. Louis, were really good but not amazing, like I remembered them.

I don't know what happened. Is there a new cook? Are they preparing stuff differently? Were our tasebuds deformed the first couple of times we ate there? I don't think we'll be going back to the Plush Pig. Bandana's has much better food for a similar price point, plus they have several locations and whip fast service.

And...We Have Kittens!

She did indeed have them on Monday. There's also a black one who had just vaulted over Miller's back to get to a nipple. Wrong way, dude!

I'll have more pics when they're less blind and wiggly.

Music Monday! I Don't Believe I'm Thinking Correctly

I can honestly say that I would like for everyone who cares about animals even the tiniest bit to pray for our little Luanne cat. I thought we were going to have to hospitalize her today, but the doctor said we were doing such a good job force feeding and watering and medicating her that it wouldn't be worth the money, since they'd just do the exact same stuff.

The vet said it's possible that the antibiotic shot they gave her was ineffective because her body only reacts to the stuff that made her well when we first got her. So, she gave me some of that, told me to up her water intake and said that if Luanne wasn't better in two to three days she'd set us up with a specialist to do some fancy, outrageously expensive tests.

Again? Please pray that this new drug will work, Luanne's nose will clear up, she'll smell her food and eat/drink on her own like a good little kitty girl.



In other news, I forgot to tell you guys that we took in a fifth cat. I know! I. KNOW. But we couldn't take the chance that Miller would get picked up by Trapper and then put down just because she's pregnant. So, on Friday morning of the week Trapper was taking all the strays, we pulled her into the house before anyone could see.

The kicker is that while all this Luanne stuff was going on today (that vet appointment took two full hours) Miller was busy preparing to give birth. I went into the basement to do laundry and noticed that Miller's water was slowly breaking as she moved around. She finally laid in the box we made for her and began...flexing? Yeah, let's just call it flexing.



That was an hour and a half ago. I had to come up to eat and haven't checked back yet, but I figure we'll have kittens by morning. EEEEEEeeeee! My delirium is right...

Recent Obsessions: 100% Dark Amber, Bitches!

Did you guys know about real, 100% pure maple syrup? What? You did? And you didn't tell me!? Geez...and I thought we were friends.

When I heard on Dr. Oz that the real stuff has all kinds of nutrients and other goodnesses (yes, that's what I said) I decided we could at least give it a try. The problem was that the real stuff is kinda expensive as food items go.

They can't just throw some high fructose corn syrup, maple essence and caramel color together to get it. Oh, no. They've got to tap a tree at the right time of year and then clean out the nature gunk, or some such shit. That takes work, so you have to pay for it.

Well, we finally had the cash and low syrup reserves last week to spring for the real stuff. Let me tell you, if you don't know. That. Is. Some. Awe. FUCKING. SHIT! It was better than any stupid 'pancake syrup' I've ever had. And it wasn't just syrupy. It tasted like there was nutmeg, vanilla, cinnamon and other spicy goodness floating around in there. Just...so so so so so damn good!

I don't believe I can go back to the fake stuff. No sir.

This Is, As My Grandmother Would Say About Much Worse Things, Some Better

Little Luanne, aka Cartoon Cat

I do apologize for my absence, but we've had two sick cats. Julia (who, our vet informed us, by the way, is actually male) has been battling an upper respiratory infection since we got...him three weeks ago. Last week Luanne started sneezing and by Sunday I noticed that I hadn't seen her eat anything.

Two early (I mean fucking. early) vet appointments, several botched feedings, multiple medications and one syringe-laden, two-person forced feeding later, she's eating again.

We're really hoping the antibiotics and appetite enhancing meds will kick in soon so we don't have to force feed her for long. 'Cause that shit? Is super DUPER HARD.

In other news, my uncle's father died this week. He and my mom had different dads, and I'd never met his. Now, in a three year period he's lost a brother, his mother, his son and his father (the last two within four months of each other). Fuck all, ya'll.

I really need a good, not worried about sick cats night of long, deep sleep.

God speed and good night.

Music Monday! I Can't Think Of Anything Pithy To Say!

So, here, watch some videos!


Adele


Brazilian Girls


Sia


The Black Keys

Mmmmm...Sleepy...

At Least There's A Good Reason This Time

I'm tired again. But, this time I'm sore too, because I spent about eight hours yesterday cleaning, moving furniture, vacuuming and organizing in an effort to remake our little library. The best part? Aside from smelling like a horse at the end of all that, the area still looks messy as all hell.

It all started when HUBS called Monday night from a solo shopping trip saying he'd found several storage bench options for the foot of the bed. We've been scoping benches for a few months, but the only one we liked was at Target during our penniless period a couple of weeks ago. And, of course, that one's not for sale anymore.

So, after picking up some stuff (including a Dyson, which works incredibly well but costs way more than I've ever thought a vacuum should) he came and got me so I could see what he found at Homegoods.

Now, HUBS doesn't have bad taste or anything, but his ideas about what will look good where tend to be a bit different from mine. Also, he occasionally likes unattractive things. I wasn't that impressed with any of the benches he found, but I did see one he managed not to notice at all.



See how cool that looks at the foot of the bed? It's a slightly off white leather, and as soon as we set it up I loved it. Now I'm looking for a (under $20) bright yellow or turquoise lacquer tray that I can sit on top and put those books in.

I managed to clear out three under bed storage boxes by filling the bench. That opened up space under the bed for some of the crap that's been cluttering the corners of the library. Which led to me dusting things as I moved them around and then vacuuming the open spaces and then rearranging stuff and vacuuming some more.

Boy howdy! I was not expecting to spend that amount of time on this yesterday! But, at least I've made some headway into this get-it-done-in-2011 project.

I'm also trying to arrange the library in a way that will (somewhat unobtrusively) accommodate HUBS' bike on a stationary stand. The couch will likely have to go the way of Goodwill, but I'll miss the way it looks there. Any design buffs out there? With any ideas?

Music Monday! Why Am I Still Tired?

Well, hopefully this song will help pep you up during your post-lunch slump like it has me. I've been tired since last Monday when I only got three hours of sleep on the previous night. I'm eating my veggies. I'm taking my vitamins. I'm getting between six and eight hours of sleep a night. Why am I so sleepy?

Screw the slump! Let's get with some Fitz and The Tantrums!

Happy Friday! Meet Our New Tree...

Wow, Monday was quite the experience. Within an hour of taking all those cool shots of the snow, our neighbor's tree fell into our backyard. It destroyed her fence and ours (though ours was rather shabby anyway), and narrowly missed our deck. Thank God we had to remove our backyard tree a few years ago, or that likely would have smashed into our deck.

After doing a walk around to check out the damage, we did our taxes. When I cashed in my 401k to pay our credit card bills, the lady at the bank estimated the state taxes. (The Feds don't play, they take that shit out before you even get your hands on your 401k funds.)

I put that amount plus an extra thousand into a CD so we wouldn't spend it. Well, after doing the taxes we realize she way, way overestimated the amount. What does this mean? Holy Fuckballs! It means we have money for groceries and maxi pads again, that's what it means! WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!

We went out to an early dinner to celebrate and then headed over to the nearby theater for a preview of The Lincoln Lawyer. By the by? Film and soundtrack were awesome.

It's nice to, once again, have some financial pressure taken off. We can actually add to that teeny tiny savings account I started a few months ago! Maybe take a real vacation! Take another class! Finally go to a concert! Money can be so exciting...

Well, my weekend is going to be filled with grocery shopping and probably at least one meal out. Let's part to an amazing performance by Jessie J on last week's SNL. Have a great weekend, guys!

Well, At Least That's Some Good News...

The video is in Thai, just so you know.

Japan has an island filled with cats and old people that has been largely untouched by the ridiculously unfair amount of recent turbulence. At least that's something.

Someone Needs To Reset Her Watch: Mother Nature, I'm Looking At You

We just sprang forward yesterday, and I realize that this is St. Louis and the weather is often fucked up and unpredictable, but damn! It was 65 degrees on Saturday and now it's snowing? It's March 14, for Christ's Sake!



I don't believe I've ever gone to bed with rain and woke up to snow like I did this morning. Even though I find this baffling, I do find snow better than a continuation of the sixth day of unrelenting rain in less than three full weeks.



That's right, I didn't go to bed until 4:35 am. I was working on a story and right when I was about to start on the edit, I thought taking a nap for a few hours would probably be best.



Why? Because, as is usually the case when I've had a lot of coffee to try to keep myself awake, I was feeling like I could throw up.



And, also? When I saw that bat fly out of my lamp, it seemed like sleep of any duration was likely the best thing for me.

And Now For Something Funny...

Well, we're still smack dab in the middle of some stray cat stress, and after hearing about all the horrible tsunami happenings, I have to say, don't a lot of us need a laugh?









Happy Friday!

I Am Nothing If Not A Sobbing Heap

I'm really glad I didn't post yesterday. I was feeling pretty good after the cat stuff on Tuesday. The Trapper was back, but no one took the bait. In fact this is as serious as it got:



That's Mollie sitting on top of a trap. There was lots of nuzzling and sniffing and sitting on, but no getting caught in traps. Apparently that was just because the universe knew I couldn't handle seeing it two days in a row. Know what the first thing I saw was when I woke up this morning and looked out my bedroom window? A cat getting caught in a trap.

I couldn't deal anymore. I called Animal Control to see if they can legally use our property for this. The chick behind the desk called Trapper who called the cops. Yes, the cops. Who then knocked on my door, with Trapper in tow, and explained how diseased and horrible the strays are and how coyotes feed off of them and how he's an animal lover too and he knows I just feel for them.

But, if I'm feeding them, I'm in violation of laws and they consider them my cats and I have to stop feeding them. And, Trapper will be outside my home every day for the next seven days doing her thing. If, on the seventh day cats are still coming around we'll get citations for each law we're breaking for each cat she sees.

So, there you have it. No more feeding the cats. I'm upset, angry, despondent, pissed I ever agreed to like cats at all. Three pieces of good news? HUBS and I will save about $20 a month not feeding the strays; they'll likely stop showing up within three days, so we are unlikely to get any tickets; and, we did pick up Julia last night. She's currently sequestered in our basement until we can get her shots/bathed/de-wormed/tested for various illnesses.

Here's my question: how would Trapper feel if she'd been locked in a cage for six days and then been expected to act perfectly nice and pleasant? Considering that she's already severely sawed off, she'd probably behave like a raging bitch-on-fire who'd have to be immediately put down. How exactly are the cats supposed to fare any better, on average?

I know there's no perfect solution, other than everybody keeping their animals spade/neutered and inside their houses, but this still sucks Trapper ass.

Though, I do feel good about Julia.

Heart. Is. Breaking.

So, you remember me telling you about all the stay cats in my neighborhood? Well, today County Animal Control stopped by and started rounding them up. I'm heartbroken. I talked with the lady who was setting the traps in my yard this morning and she said they hold them for a week to see if anyone claims them. Then? Then, if the cats don't look like they're good with people, they euthanize them.

After being tricked with food and trapped in a cage the cats only get one week to suddenly be good with people or they're dead. I hate this.

I had to stand there and watch as one of our favorites, Julia, got trapped in the cage. She was so scared. I'm just praying she calms down enough so that they can adopt her out. Unless we get money back from our taxes we won't be able to take her in. As it is we're already pretty full with three cats, but we are considering going to get Julia.


This is Julia in 2009, she was still a kitten. It's hard to believe we may never see her again.

Even worse, a pregnant cat (like Miller and Harris, the gray cats in the top photo) who doesn't get claimed in a week may be euthanized even if they are good with people. 'Cause who's adopting a pregnant cat? So even though Miller is super-adoptable (we pet her all the time and she loves it), she may be killed just because she's knocked up (if they catch her, I hope they don't).

My question is, where was County Animal Control four years ago when we moved in? The trapper I talked to today said that they noticed a problem so they're trying to take care of it, but there have been strays since we moved in. Why the fuck couldn't they have stepped up their efforts before HUBS and I and the guy across the street got attached to the stays?

I know we're not the ones who'll actually be physically hurt if they strays don't get adopted, but this feels like a giant Fuck you and everything you care about! from the universe. Especially after all the loss my family has suffered. It's like one more Ha HA, try to deal with THIS! from life. (And yes, I know life gives us those on a regular basis to keep us on our toes and grateful for the good things and yada yada...Doesn't make this any easier. Pitiful as it may be I feel like these cats are my friends.)

I HATE HATE HATE THIS TUESDAY. And I really hope you're having a better day than me. Really better.

Sunday Dinner: Brown Sugar Dijon Grilled Chicken & Spinach Garlic Noodles

I made this a couple of nights ago and really loved the way it turned out. The chicken was from a recipe I found online and played with a little bit.

Brown Sugar Dijon Grilled Chicken

1 to 2 lbs of boneless, skinless chicken breasts or tenders (If you buy breasts cut them into smaller pieces or that shit will never get done)
3 Tbsp Dijon mustard
Juice from 1 can pineapple tidbits or chunks
2 Tbsp brown sugar
2 Tbsp olive oil
salt and cracked pepper to taste

Combine everything except the chicken in a dish deep enough to hold all the liquid. Stir it all together to get the brown sugar dissolved, and taste for salt and pepper. Add your chicken and marinate at least a half hour.

Heat up your grill or grill pan and cook away. I made mine in two batches; each batch took around 15 minutes and I flipped the pieces once about half way through the cooking time. I suppose you could combine more mustard, sugar and juice to use for a dip, but I didn't and it was still Hella good.

Now, the pasta was something I made up on the spot. It tasted awesome! I love it when that happens!

Spinach Garlic Noodles

4 cups cooked whole wheat (or regular) noodles
2 Tbsp garlic butter
1 Tbsp olive oil
2 handfuls spinach, cut or torn into strips
1/4 to 1/2 cup Hunt's Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes with Garlic, juice reserved
feta cheese, Italian seasoning, salt and pepper to taste

Put your butter and olive oil in a pot and heat it up. Add your pasta and get it coated in the grease. Put in the spinach and let it wilt, then add the feta, tomatoes, Italian seasoning and pepper. Let everything heat up for a bit and give it a good couple of stirs.

If you need your pasta juicier, add the reserved juice from the tomatoes. Taste it to see if it's salty enough, if not add a tiny bit at a time until you get it where you like it (I hardly put any additional salt in mine at all).

This was so good! I plan to eat the last of the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. And really? I'm very excited about it!

EXPANSION Saturday! I Took A Class!

HUBS and I have been talking about taking a class together at our local community college for about a year now, but we didn't have the extra funds to sign up until recently.

I got a little thrill in spending money on something we'd wanted to do for a while that wasn't strictly necessary. In early January I signed us up for three classes, one for each of us to take alone and one for us to take together. Thank God for the continuing education options, because all of our classes were one day seminars that cost less than fifty bucks. Genius!

My class, on publishing non-fiction books, was last Saturday. I had to get up early, but still managed to not wake up quite early enough to eat breakfast or make coffee. Plus, I had stomach trouble, so I was none too happy. But, luckily, the class changed that.

Man. Can I just say how nice it was to get out? Just like with the interviews I've started doing again, it felt good to be a person who leaves the house to do things that don't involve errands. I even asked questions and interjected thoughts! Thoughts, people!

This little adventure led, I believe, to HUBS and I going to a park we've never been to before to play frisbee and taking neighborhood walks twice this week. Look! We're doing new things! And accomplishing goals! And getting exercise!



Our next class is later this month (Fuck. How did we get to March already?), when we learn about Irish legends and myths together. What new opportunities will that bring our way? Who knows?! Sky's the limit!

Now, if any of you out there are writers, here are some things I learned in my class:

Insider Publishing Secrets

1) Your royalties aren't based on the price of your book, they're based on what the seller pays for it. For example: If your books costs $10, the seller (B&N, Borders, Amazon, etc.) probably pays around $7.50 for each copy. If you get a 10% royalty, you only get 75 cents from each book sold.

2) Most publishing companies pay twice a year, around January and June. But? They pay late almost all the time, so you won't actually get your royalty check until 3 to 6 months after their pay schedule.

3) There are two sets of rules in publishing (like in life, really), one for already famous people and one for the rest of us. Advances are really only for the famous.

4) Smaller companies usually sell less, but will give you bigger royalties; while the opposite is true for larger publishing houses.

5) If you write for everyone, you'll sale to no one. Make your topic as specific as possible.

6) Anybody can reuse your title and it's totally legal. Also? No matter how good the title you've chosen may be, the publisher will almost certainly change it.

7) Any title with "how to", "secret" or the number "7" always sells.

8) If you want to know who might be interested in publishing your book, read the acknowledgement section of books like yours. Writers always thank their editors and agents there. But...

9) Stay away from agents if at all possible. It's easier to get through to editors at publishing houses, plus agents tend to reject 85% to 95% of all ideas.

10) Last but not least? The contract publishers send to writers once they've agreed to publish your book is non-negotiable. You can have a lawyer look over it, but if they change anything that company will not be publishing the fine work of non-fiction you've poured yourself into.

Those are just a few of the insidery things our instructor let us in on. I'd highly recommend a class like this to anyone interested in writing books!

Music Monday: Post Oscar Pep!

This better conveys James Franco's expression for most of the Oscar show than any photo I could find. I am quite the artiste!

I used to be all about watching The Academy Awards when I was a kid. And not just the actual show either, nuh uh. I'd watch all the prep shows and the Barbara Walters Special and the pre-show and then the Oscars.

Now that I look back on it, no telecast ever registered as good or bad or exciting or boring. I was a kid, and as someone not even remotely involved in the industry, many would posit that I shouldn't have been interested at all at, say, eight-years-old. But, interested I was, so watch I did. Every year, it was a given.

I believe it was my Sophomore year of college when all that changed. I had to work or study, or something, so I decided to tape the event. When I tried to watch later that night, I realized that my VCR (I know! Remember those? Fuck, I'm old.) wasn't in prime condition anymore. The picture was wobbly and the audio was almost non-existent. No amount of 'tracking' could fix this.

I distinctly remember thinking Oh well, fuck it. And that was literally the last time I tried to watch an entire Oscarcast. This brings us to last night.

Now, we all knew it was possible that this little young-beautiful-actors-with-no-heretofore-seen-comedic-hosting-talent experiment could backfire, right? many of the reviews have praised Anne Hathaway and the obligatory opening host-in-nominated-movies pre-recorded madness, and blasted James Franco.

At first I felt like everyone else, Anne is working her butt off and James couldn't give less of a shit. He's nervous or stoned or bored or has decided (roughly five minutes into the show) that he's either above this bullshit or made the worst decision of his life and has decided to just let those feelings fly. But, I think we all may have missed the point.

James Franco did exactly what the hell James Franco meant to do last night, but none of us (not even the show's producers or his co-host) were in on the joke. Let's imagine that you were a solid actor who's won some recognition in TV and movies. Let's also say that, after a long string of co-starring movie roles, you decide to take a part on a soap opera to possibly showcase your performance art skills to a national, unknowing audience with a character that's named after you; and let's say that this is for a class at one of the two universities you currently attend.

Now, would it not be possibly the greatest performance art piece of all time, to take a gig hosting the majorist of award shows, pretend to be dead serious about it and then, when you get there, act like you're stoned/scared/would rather be having a colonoscopy non-anesthetized?

Someone hand James Franco his A+, already.

Anyway, here's something more upbeat for you!

Read: The Lover's Dictionary

It's been awhile since I read a novel. I've been knee deep in cookbooks, magazines, self-help tomes and the occasional autobiography for the past two years. So, when I was browsing at the library a couple of weeks ago, I saw this on the shelf and decided to just give it a chance. Usually, I stick to books I've heard something about, but this time I thought a little EXPANSION of my normal tactics was in order.

I finished this novel in three days. It's the story of a relationship gone awry, told in a flashback/flash forward style and in the form of a dictionary. Each alphabetized entry gives us a piece of the puzzle of how this couple met, lived together and then didn't.

It's so beautifully written. The author manages to write in a conversational style that is also very poetic, honest and original. I actually plan to buy this one eventually, so I can re-read it. If you're looking for something new to sink your literary teeth into, I think this might be what you need.

Tuesday Tipday: Unnecessary Eyebrow Bullshit

I hope everyone had an awesome, warm weather filled weekend, because I have something very important to discuss with you.

You know, I try very hard to keep up with all the personal maintenance things that come up: cleaning the ear wax, mining the nose, keeping the teeth pearly, removing random whiskers, making sure my mustache fuzz doesn't make me look like a lazy transvestite...But this one really caught me off guard last night.

I was getting ready for bed and decided to clean up my eyebrows a bit. So, I'm plucking away and got something in the tweezers that I thought was lint or Tux fluff, because it was white. It was not lint. It was...wait for the horror...A GRAY EYEBROW HAIR.

What?! Just...Huh?

I mean...You know?

I'm only 36!!

Holy...Holy Damn Hell Fuck Shits!!

We know what's next, right? Gray nose hairs and then gray whiskers and then...A gray coochie. Oh, God yes! I cannot wait for the gray coochie!! That will be a banner day, y'all!!! And while I'm yelling in print, what's with the English language allowing two different spellings for gray/grey?!?! We needs rules, English Language! They keep us from devolving into anarchy!!

*sigh*

I was seconds away from shaving those betraying bastards off and going full-on Crawford by just drawing that shit in, when I calmed down.

I found some things online about gray eyebrow pencils and general info for looking good with gray hair. But lets all make note of my Tip: pluck the hell outta that shit! Unless you realize you have 120 eyebrow hairs and now 90 of them are gray, just get rid of it. Especially if your head, nose and sweet lady parts are mostly non-gray.

I feel better now. Go, my pretties! Enjoy your gray-free brows! Fly! Fly!!!

Sunday Dinner: Braised Short Ribs

My open cookbook plus the newly cleaned, chopped leeks and celery.

Seeing as how I've been doing gobs of cooking lately, I really had planned to start this new feature several weeks ago (since around October), but since I'm sorta slow to get things done we'll be starting my Sunday Dinner posts now.

And, now is a great time. Why? Because on Wednesday night I made the most awesome thing ever, and for the first time.

Remember how I raved about Mad Hungry, the cookbook I've been pouring over since December? Well I made the short ribs recipe this week and Oh. My. Good. GOD! It is literally one of the best things I've eaten/cooked/seen in the entirety of my life.

This would be especially good for a weekend meal, because you need to let the meat marinate for at least six hours and then cook for 2 1/2 to 3 hours. The result is so tempting, though, that when I finished cooking this at 1 a.m. Thursday morning (after we'd finished dinner several hours before) I immediately knew I had to have some. HUBS and I then proceeded to share two bowls of the stuff over whole wheat linguine.

*mouth waters*

If you like to cook, like meat or like yourself, you will need to make this dish. Here we go:

Recipe via Mad Hungry by Lucinda Scala Quinn

thinly slice 1 onion
smash 4 garlic cloves (Or, sprinkle on garlic powder, which is what I did when I thought I was out of garlic)
thinly chop 1 carrot
thinly chop 1 cleaned leek (I'd never cooked one of these before. That bastard was super dirty! I cleaned each leaf twice, washing my hands in between cleanings.)
thinly chop 1 celery stalk
4 sprigs fresh thyme or 1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 cup red wine (I've heard that the general rule is if you'd drink it, you can cook with it.)
1/2 cup soy sauce/tamari
1 tablespoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper (Or good cracked pepper; I used that.)
3 1/2 pounds short ribs
2 to 3 Idaho potatoes, quartered (optional) (I used 1 Yukon Gold and 2 Sweet potatoes. Her recipe says to peel them, but I didn't.)


All the veggies in the pan! The foil after a few hours cooking. I like that it looks like a fairy tale crime scene...Don't judge me.

Now, after you get everything cleaned, chopped and poured, mix all the ingredients except the meat and potatoes in a roughly 9 x 15 roasting pan. Mine is actually a baking pan shaped like a gingerbread man, yours need not be.

Add the meat in one layer and make sure the marinade gets all over the pieces. Cover and let it sit in the fridge for at least six hours, up to overnight. Turn the meat once or twice during that time so that each side gets the marinade goodness. Take the pan out 30 minutes before you plan to cook it.

Put your oven on 400 degrees and cook for one hour. Then, turn the heat down to 350 degrees and cook for another 1 1/2 to 2 hours. If you want potatoes, add those 40 minutes before you finish cooking. I kept mine covered in foil the whole time and it never dried out, but if yours does, feel free to add some water while it's still cooking.

Finished dish? Glorious! Rich! Tasty! Probably shouldn't be eaten at one in the morning! But, oh well!

Happy Friday!

It always amazes me when I wake up one day and suddenly the whole work week is gone. Remember when we were kids and it seemed like it took forEVER to get to the weekend, or Spring Break or your birthday, or whatever other day you were looking forward to? Now shit passes by without any effort at-the-fuck-all.

I finally busted through my procrastinatory streak Wednesday by putting together a folder of favorite photos I've taken on my portable hard drive and then starting a portfolio on my Facebook page, two things I've been meaning to do for a few weeks now. Of course, I'm still not doing a ton of things. But, first things first, people! Small progress is still...drum roll please...PROGRESS!

Now, for a bit of good Happy Friday vibes, enjoy the above clip from Jessie J. I just heard this song yesterday and can best describe her as a cross between Lily Allen and Katy Perry. I like what she's throwin' down. Yes sir.

Go, my people. Have an awesome weekend!

Recent Obsessions: Pinterest

Websites start up all the time, and I usually roundly ignore them. I mean really, how many faux-social sites do I need in my life? Facebook, flickr, You Tube, Blogger, MySpace, Friendster (Does anyone pay attention to that one anymore?), Kaboodle...

I generally believe enough is enough when it comes to this stuff. But...last week I was reading one of my blog faves and she wrote about Pinterest. It works much the way I suspect tumblr does; you put a thingie (I know, real technical) in your Internet favorites bar, and then every time you come across a pic of something you like online you can Pin It, save it to a Pin Board you create and keep it forever and always.

I joined up a couple days ago because I frequently save web pages to my favorites when all I want is one image. Really? I'm quite enjoying having all my web faves in one spot. Give it a shot, you might find you like it.

Valentine's Day Is For Shopping

Well, I hope everyone had a good (much warmer) weekend and a great Valentine's Day. HUBS and I spent Saturday with our parents to celebrate his 40th birthday. By the middle of last week HUBS was fine with the big day, but before that it was pretty clear he was having a time with the idea of turning 40.

HUBS and I both have that thing where we were good kids who did well in school, and it seemed like a given that we'd do amazing things with our careers. Instead, we've both had a lot of missteps and setbacks and neither of us is completely where we thought/hoped we'd be. I was worried that HUBS wouldn't be able to get beyond those feelings, and I'm really, really glad that he finally did.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUBS! I LOVE YOU!!


Valentine's Day was nice in what can only be described as the least romantic ways possible. HUBS and I ate lunch at a Mexican chain we love, Qdoba, because they were offering BOGO entrees when you kiss at the register. We had our good, cheap meal on an unseasonably warm day and then ran around to Walmart and various grocery stores to fully supply ourselves for the coming lean times.

Having full cabinets and a full fridge gives me (and most people, I'm sure) a sense of peace you cannot believe. It's more important than V Day gifts, but I did get HUBS a combo birthday/Valentine's gift of a new video game. Last night he brought me a large size of my favorite coffee and a pink rose. Good stuff.



Yeah, my rose is in a beer bottle. Deal with my non-traditionalism!

There's Nothing Like...

Photo

...A visit from the in-laws to get you cleaning stuff you've been neglecting for months!

But more importantly? HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUBS!!



40 looks good on you :)

Humanity Gets Dumber: Example # 4,583

Have you heard about this? What the hell is the world coming to? I sincerely hope that no one who reads this blog is stupid and reckless enough to even consider this crap.



There, I'm off my high horse. Have a great weekend everybody! And no pouring booze into your eyes! REALLY!! Maybe just listen to some music and skip the drinking all together.

Citygirl Bites! Lotawata Creek

These are dinner rolls, not boulders in the wilderness.

I know we haven't done one of these in a while, so I figured it was time to let you in on our dining exploits again. HUBS and I visited Lotawata Creek during my birthday week extravaganza back in November. I'd been there once about eight years ago and remembered the portions being positively huge, but reasonably priced.

The rolls are amazing. They're larger than the average lady-hand, a bit crispy on the outside and warm, doughy goodness on the inside. That butter they serve with them must be combined with honey or something, 'cause it's major good, too.



I had this blurry side salad along with my entree. It was so big that as I tried to mix the sweet, tangy, tomato-y dressing around it started to fly out of the bowl. This, combined with a roll, almost filled me to capacity. I had to stop eating so I could fit some of my main dish in my body.



HUBS ordered chili as a precursor to his meal, and wouldn't you know it? It was served in one of the largest bowls I've ever seen, though you can't really tell that from the photo. It was plenty savory and meaty, but I have issues with foods that seem larger than they should be. The beans just looked too big. Too big for what, you ask? I don't know...The Earth? Where did they get these things, Venus? Some secret planet in the Andromeda system? God...



I got baked beans as a side, and man, were they ever good. Because of my humongoid sized sweet tooth I prefer a sweet baked bean as opposed to a savory one, and these had sweet in spades. I ended up finishing my roll so I could sop up all that sauce. Yummy.



This is what HUBS ordered: a tenderloin sandwich that came with fries. But this wasn't any ol' tenderloin sammy, oh no! This was approximately half the size of his head. Look at the bread! It's like a whole loaf! Plus the meat was covered with massive quantities of cheese!

HUBS is a pretty good eater, but even he had to cut the thing into three parts, and only finished one. And, look at those fries. When they serve fries with a meal at Lotawata, you get an entire giant plate of French fries, not a little portion on the side. I have to say, the fries were a bit gritty, but I didn't notice it until the next day when we had reheated some of them for leftovers. It was odd, but this explained why everyone who left the restaurant before us left their fries behind.



Look, I know you can't tell what's under all that sauce, so I'll let you in on the secret: Cajun chicken. It was, like most other things, really good, but I do wish they hadn't drowned it in the rather salty cream sauce.

HUBS and I ended up walking away with four take-home boxes and had leftovers for days. We spent less than 60 bucks, but got about six total meals out of all the food. Not bad, wouldn't you say?

Music Monday! Unexpected Genre Combos

Welcome to a brand new week, everyone! Did you all have a good weekend? HUBS and I did quite a bit of snow-walking, tire fixing and car-digging-out after Saturday morning's two to four inch snow. Cabin fever had finally struck, and I needed to get out and do something, so do we did.

What did you think of the Superbowl? We took a nap after our outing on Sunday and missed the first half, but I have to say, when you're not invested in either team (and not a huge football fan) the whole thing can seem rather...meh. Do you know what I'm saying? Even watching Green Bay enjoy their victory didn't manage to move me much. Maybe if we'd been around a bunch of fans and feeding off their energy it would have felt more exciting.



I missed all the commercials during the first half, but I was also mostly unimpressed by them, as well. The one where the beaver saves the guy from driving on a washed out bridge was cute and I really liked the Darth Vader Volkswagen ad (I'd seen it on the Today Show on Friday), but other than that...meh.



What Superbowl commercials did you enjoy?

Now, a Music Monday first. I'm having a hard time getting this song outta my head, mostly because it's got to be the only R&B song in the history of the universe that features...yodeling. You read that right, Internet denizens! Go ahead, play the video and marvel at the end of that song. Marvel, I said!!

Happy Friday!

I hope everyone has made it through Snowpocalypse 2011, especially since we're due for three more (blissfully much lighter) rounds of snow over the next few days.

It was nice having HUBS home for a couple of days this week. He went back to work yesterday and I actually tagged along to get out of the house. I have to say, though, I think it may be time-out for that for a while. Why? Well, I'm starting to feel kinda pitiful hanging out at my husband's job.

I tend not to get much done while I'm there, even though I always have my laptop. Actually, it might be that watching him work at something he loves just rams home how badly I need the same thing. (Not that I begrudge him that. I'm really glad he feels like he's found his thing.)

On a positive note, I got an email from one of my old editors Wednesday and he wants me to do some weekly work for them. I'll be making $100 a week, which will save our shit once the dough starts rolling in. Not to mention, save my sanity a little by giving me some much needed confidence. So, yay!

In honor of Happy Friday times, I'm going to pass along the Said the Gramophone best music of 2010 list. You can even download the complete 100 song list, so go ahead and get the party started this weekend!

Tuesday Tipday: Surviving Snowpocalypse 2011!

Brave birds invade our icy deck this morning.

Many of us are currently in the thick of snowy/sleety/icy times right now, possibly with a good couple of days to spend at home with no work or school to break up the monotony. Yesterday I started to wonder, amidst all the talk of oh-my-God-this-will-be-the-worst-snow-storm-in-DECADES!!!, what might most people need to really enjoy multiple snow days in a row?

Any crazed student or overworked cubicle dweller could spend one day sleeping, catching up on magazines or playing their favorite video games. What happens when we get two, three or even more straight days of not needing or being able to go anywhere. Now, I happen to be an oddball who doesn't get that cabin-fever itch until around day five of not leaving my neighborhood, but I know some people start to get the stir-crazies much sooner.

For this week's Tuesday Tipday, I'd like to give you some suggestions for blasting through that trapped-at-home feeling. All of these assume that you still have your basics taken care of: you are safe, dry, warm, can contact the outside world if necessary, your pipes haven't frozen, and you have plenty of food available and ways to cook it. So, on we go...

Snowpocalypse Survival 101

Music:
God, I love music. Specifically finding new music and listening to non-Top 40 stuff. As someone who grew up in a house where music was the thing, and played several instruments (piano, flute, drums, guitar)growing up, I can tell you that music is where it's at.

I believe it frees us in ways that watching TV or movies just can't. The sounds tell a story, and if you sit back and relax you can imagine it any way you like. So whether you spend some time with your favorite station, blow two hours watching videos on COOL TV or set your 16GB mp3 player to shuffle, be sure to engage in a little aural enjoyment. I'm confident it'll help soothe your weary soul.

Reading Materials:
PT loves to read. When I was growing up she would frequently stay up all night to finish the latest 400 page Stephen King scare-fest, meaning she would complete the thing in one 24 hour period. I've never done that much reading in one day, but I did inherit my mom's love of stories and the words we use to tell them.

I always have a plentiful supply of magazines on hand, because I'm an addict, and the house is full of books we own or have on loan from the library. Snowpocalypse is not the time to avoid what we erroneously label guilty pleasures; if you're 82 and what you really want is to lose yourself in a stack of comic books, make sure you have a stack of comics! Enjoy what you read, and peace will follow.

Visual Media:
Television gives me orgasms. There, I said it. A good TV show (or movie, for that matter) thrills me right down to my naughty lady bits. If you've never had a movie or exceptional episode of TV give you chills, you're not watching enough. Looks like nature just handed you the opportunity for quality time with that DVD box set you invested in but hadn't gotten to watch yet. Dig in.

Brain Food:
Much in the same way we can't live on blueberry scones alone and expect to have healthy lives, we also need to engage in some activities that expand our brains. So, do a crossword puzzle, read up on a topic that you've never read about before or spend some time playing games on Lumosity. A little bit of enlightenment goes a long way.

Favorite Things:
Maybe there's a pen you love to write with or a coffee mug you need to drink out of. Perhaps you feel most alive when you play your violin or meditate every day. Whatever your favorite things to do or use are, make sure to incorporate as many of them as possible into your snow days. I know a cuppa vanilla coffee mixed with cappuccino always makes my days brighter. And HUBS loves his sports drinks.

Connection:
For the love of God, talk to somebody. Sending emails or chatting over Yahoo is just not the same as hearing an actual, real, human voice. If you don't live with anyone just pick up the phone.

Comfort:
This category overlaps with many of the previous ones, and the idea is pretty simple: if it feels good, do it. Lay in bed with a stack of magazines. Make the richest hot chocolate you can and drink two cups in lieu of breakfast. Envelop yourself in the best blanket you've got, crash on the couch and watch soap operas all day. You've finally got some time off, enjoy it!

How are you spending your snow days?

Music Monday! Snowpocalypse 2011!

Our icy deck by 5:30 tonight.

I don't know if you've heard, but much of the Midwest (and then East Coast, I suppose) is due to get some major ice/sleet/snow through Wednesday. Things started getting hairy here around 10 a.m., when a 'wintery mix' of slick crap started falling. My poor Lila has been covered in ice for about six hours now!

They're also predicting blasts of freezing rain tomorrow that will turn into massive amounts of snow (up to two freakin' feet in some areas) that then turns into sub-zero temperatures and winds of up to 50 miles an hour. So, you know, this week's gonna be all kinds of adventurous!

I'm trying not to over-react, but it's difficult when the National Weather Service actually holds a press conference about the bad weather that's coming and the governor institutes a preemptive state of emergency. HUBS and I have a few candles and plenty of flashlights and batteries if the power goes out. We also stocked up on some grocery items yesterday, along with 99.9% of St. Louis city and county. I have never seen so many people at the grocery store!


The icy little tree in the front yard.

On top of all this Snowpocalypse 2011 (Snowmageddon? Which do you think is better?) stuff, we still don't have our gutters fixed. It's going to take at least another week for the company we picked to get a crew out to us, since lots of folks are having the same problem and got to them before us. With all the ice and snow coming, let's hope they continue to hold on and we don't get any water damage to the house.

Well, I'm saying several prayers that: the homeless all get into decent shelters, no one loses their power or at least not for very long, all the stray animals have good, non-snowed-in-able hiding places and we all come out of this with nary a hair out of place.

Now, as far as Music Monday goes, I figure you can go one of two ways for your music choices during Snowpocalypse 2011. Either you want to get all snuggly with your honey:



Or, you're feeling cabin-fevery and want to rock the fuck out:



Either way? Stay warm, safe and happy, y'all!