Cicada Crazy

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Ok, nature. I know these things are only around for about six weeks every seven or thirteen or seventeen years, but, oh my! I am fucking tired of the noise and getting attacked every time I leave the house.

Monday seemed to be their peak day in our yard. They literally covered the trunk of our small tree and had infested all the branches and leaves. I got too close and ended up getting pelted with cicadas! (Alright, maybe it was just one. But having that thing hit me in the back was terrifying! Really!) I would have taken a picture of it for you, but I'm afraid to leave my damn house, you guys.



In other, cat related, news, Luanne had to have a bit of what I'm calling spa time over the Memorial Day weekend. And by spa time I mean time in the hospital from Friday night through Monday afternoon.

I had taken her to the vet specialist for some tests Friday morning. He took blood and did x-rays to make sure nothing else appeared to be wrong, since she's been lethargic and still isn't eating on her own. Then, he called me around 4 p.m. to tell me all her levels looked fine, except for her being anemic. Before I had a chance to ask where to get cat iron pills, he told me she'd need a blood transfusion. SAAAAAAAAAAAAY WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!

So, since they're closed on weekends, HUBS and I had to head off to yet another vet specialist hospital so Luanne could get her some spankin' new kitty blood. The doc thinks the anemia was caused by some blood borne bacteria or parasite that can lay dormant for quite a while. She got sick, her immune system was compromised and the bastard kicked in.

I take her back to our usual specialist tomorrow so they can recheck her levels, because she's still not eating on her own or moving around much. And now? Now she's also peed without going to the litter box twice. I'm afraid to let the chick sit down anywhere without a towel under her. Dammit...

I SURRENDER LUANNE'S HEALTH TO THE DIVINE!
I SURRENDER LUANNE'S HEALTH TO THE DIVINE!
I SURRENDER LUANNE'S HEALTH TO THE DIVINE!

Make Money Spending Money

It's early. 5:33 a.m. to be exact, and I've been up for about an hour. Luanne had another, totally unexpected (and expensive) issue pop up yesterday and Shakes (the other stray we took in at the same time) is acting funny and will likely need a vet visit sometime this week. Also, HUBS worked on my beloved Jezebel, but it was no use. I will need a new laptop. Long story short, I was having trouble sleeping as worries crept into my head.

One thing I meant to do yesterday but didn't have time for was to check out Ebates, so I did that first thing this morning. Uh, did you guys know that you can get some cra-za-zee cash back shopping through that site? Magazines.com, for instance, has 26% cash back! That's ridiculous! If you subscribe to a lot of magazines that'll really add up.

As usual, I'm late to the party. But now that I know, here I come free money!

Oh, Oprah. I'm Loving You All Over Again

Photo here.

Well, I wasn't up at 3 a.m. to watch the last Oprah show, but it's playing again now and I love what I'm seeing. Just Lady O giving thanks and one last round of life lessons. I would have rather had the past three episodes like this instead of the two glittery shows.

Now I'm going to miss her! I will definitely be getting every issue of her magazine from the library now. Until we meet again, indeed.

If you're still teary-eyed over Oprah ending, enjoy this monologue from Craig Ferguson. He pokes some fun at The O at the 1:55 mark.

Recent Indignities

A young, pageant-winning Lady O. Photo from here.

Do you guys do Oprah? Did you catch the two day lovegasm with all the famous people in the stadium filled with fans? I'm not sure I liked it.

And, it's not that I don't like Oprah. I lurves me some Oprah. It's also not the fact that she had all the famous people come out and say how amazing she is; shit, she is amazing! I think it's just that, even if she really is friends with most of those glitterati and they really do capital-L-love love her, I couldn't tell it from many of them by watching those shows.

Now, I know the producers wanted things to go smoothly and be interesting, and for them not to all say the same damn stuff, but, for the most part, none of their words seemed to really come from the heart. They all read from the teleprompter and it didn't even (mostly) sound like their own words/feelings. Mostly? It all felt a bit canned. Oh well, today's last episode was preempted due to new tornadic activity, but I'll be up at 3 a.m. to watch the finale when it airs. We'll see if that hits an emotional touchstone for me.



Speedos? Really self-assured in our flabby old age, aren't we? Photo here.

In other news, this Ah-nold screwing-the-help stuff is killing me. How dare he! Right? And, how dare she! I mean, dammit, now I'll never be able to watch Terminator, Total Recall or Running Man without being slapped (figuratively, ahem) in the face by his errant Austrian adultering penis! Damn you, Ah-nold! Damn you for ruining some classic sci-fi! (And, you know, your family.)

Music Monday: Can We Please Be Done With Tornadoes Now?

Holy Nature Fuck! I cannot remember a worse tornado season than this one, seeing as how we started back on New Year's Eve with devastating storms and have barely had a breather since. HUBS and I and our folks have been incredibly blessed to have had every major storm in Missouri miss us. If you want to donate to help out any of the Missouri tornado victims from this year, you can do so here.

We also seem to be having a lot of earthquakes and other natural disasters around the world, don't we? It feels like every couple of weeks something major is happening somewhere that we can't control. The world may not have ended on Saturday, but doesn't seem like we're slowly falling apart?

Also falling apart? Our computers here at Citygirl Headquarters. My beloved laptop, Jezebel (I told you I love naming things), has been largely unreliable for months now. Sunday brought us a shocker, though, when HUBS turned his computer on, heard a pop and then saw smoke. The video card in his computer literally blew up! Never in a million years would I have guessed that his computer would explode before Jezebel! Never!

How's about we watch some music videos to take our minds off the terrible, Mmmkay?

Again With My Imagination

The mind is king. Or, to be more accurate, my mind is king. In my tiny corner of the world, at least. I may be a partially employed freelance writer/photographer in reality, but my imagination has other ideas. In my mind, I do everything.

I write and produce and star in awesome movies that everyone loves. I create cool TV shows. I offer sage and heavily sought after advice. I give good blog and make money doing it. I photograph things people want on their walls. I'm (at least) bilingual. I can keep my home photogenic but still livable and cook nightly and save gobs of money and travel wildly and splurge on $200 purses once in a while and still pay all our bills on time.

And? And I never gave up all those instruments I used to play. And? And maybe I sing a bit. And? Ok! You got me! Maybe in my head I have yet another life as a glamorous lead singer in a cooler than shit band. Just maybe.

I love naming things. And as such, I've been coming up with band names for years, but never wrote them down until this month. So, just in case I'm ever in a cool band, here are some things we could name ourselves. (Depending, of course, on the nature of the cool-ass music we performed.)

Band Up!

1) Improbable Band Project
2) Dirty Knickers
3) Knuckle Fuck
4) Now & Noon
5) Bum Puppet
6) Sunset Dolls
7) Panty Melt
8) Midget Finger
9) Lesbian Centers of Commerce
10) Rare Bullshit Philosophy

Oh, I've got more, mind you. But, I don't want to give everything away in one shot.

What would you name your awesome-cool band?

Tuesday Tipday: Unsick Your Cat!

As you know I've been dealing with some mighty stubborn sick cat issues for the past six weeks or so. And, as of last Friday the kittens all have upper respiratory illnesses. We had to take them to the vet on Sunday to get antibiotics for them. (This would have been a complete budget buster, by the by, had I not lobbied to pay only one visit fee and then presented a coupon I found for our vet that gave us a free initial kitten exam. Meaning? All we had to pay for was the $11.40 medicine. Yes, my friends, couponing works.) They're still wheezy, sneezy and runny, but at least they are a lot more energetic than over the weekend. I take this as a positive sign.

Luanne still has her feeding tube in because she's refusing to go to food and just eat on her own. If I bring her food and water, she'll partake, but has rarely gone to sustenance willingly. Also, she keeps throwing up tiny amounts of food or water once or twice a week. After about a week of no vomiting, yesterday and today she puked again. But, this time? I noticed string in the vomit, i.e. she's actually ingesting that sweater they keep her in (to hide the feeding tube) when she cleans herself. So! Yay for additional issues!

I say all of this to lead you into a brief sick cat maintenance tutorial, via my two years experience with caked up kitty eyes, snotty noses, baby wipes, backside cleanings, forced feedings and worry filled nights.



SICK CAT 101

1) Pay close attention. Have they been sneezing? Are they congested? Do they seem to be eating and playing the same? If you've got a congested cat who doesn't seem to be eating much, get them to the vet ASAP. If they don't eat enough they could end up with fatty liver disease, which can be deadly but is easily treated if caught early.

2) Tricks to get your kitty buddy to eat. Things that might work are changing up their normal diet by adding super smelly wet food and heating it up to really release the odors or even adding clam juice/tuna juice to dry food to up the funk factor for their little noses. I've also heard that pumpkin is something cats like, so you can try enticing them with a bit of that. Just try to get them to eat something. But, make sure not to give them anything with onions or garlic, they have severe reactions to them, which would make the situation a shit ton worse.

3) Syringe feeding is an option. Alas, it is not an easy one. There will likely be much struggling, no matter how much they actually end up liking the food you're forcing on them. Be sure to get syringes and food amounts from your vet so you feed them enough to maintain their weight and health. Hill's Science Diet has the perfect food for this. Scoop it into the syringe and hold the cat steady, making sure their butt is up against something so they can't back away. Put a hand on the cat's head so you can press each side of their jaw with a finger simultaneously. Once you do this the jaw will open easier and you can squeeze the food in. Massaging the cat's neck will encourage them to swallow and not spit out their gruel. Ha! We know tricks, you squirmy felines!

4) Dammit! Nunna that shit worked. Now what? You might need to get them a peg tube. This will make feeding them and giving them water/medicine a lot easier, since you won't be forcing stuff down their throat. Be prepared for an expensive procedure (Luanne's cost $1,340), and some up keep in addition to actual feedings. You'll likely get extremely detailed instructions from your vet, but the biggest things are making sure to flush the tube with a set amount of water before and after feeding, being sure the feeding process lasts for at least 20 minutes and cleaning the tube with hydrogen peroxide at least twice a day. When cleaning, get in there really good and wipe the tube and stomach down so that no gunk cakes up (and it will if neglected).

Phew! now, aside from all that, keep doing whatever you usually do with your cat. Petting them, playing with them, talking to them and watching King of Queens reruns with them. You want to keep them as calm and comfortable as possible while they recover.

So, I hope this helps. But, really, I hope you never need this info. Having sick pets sucks all kinds of ass. Yes, sir. All. Ass.

Citygirl Bites! Bar Louie

Someone is enjoying his mojito, alright.

I have never claimed to be a food snob. Some people would actually scoff at going to a chain restaurant, and I can't for the life of me figure out why. Does the place look clean? Is stuff well-priced? Is the food good, for heaven's sake? Then why pretend like it's beneath you, really?

A couple of weeks ago HUBS and I hit up our local Bar Louie for happy hour. We've been there several times since we moved near one a few years back, and the food is always good. Since we were trying to save money, we got three appetizers and shared them. Two were happy hour specials, so they were cheeeeeeeaaaap!



We love the loaded fries, but decided to get the tots this time because we hadn't had them before. As usual, they were super fattening and amazingly good. I only wish that the tots had been cooked a little longer so they'd stand up to the cheese sauce better. Though, it's not like they were a soggy mess or anything.



We also shared their bruschetta. We get this almost every time we go to Bar Louie; it's some of the best bruschetta ever in the history of the world. And, it's served in a giant martini glass! Yay!



This was the piece de resistance. Their mini veggie pizza. Now, there's mushrooms on it, which I despise, but HUBS was having a hard day, so I got this for him. (He loves the fungi. Oh yes, he does.) After picking off the 'shrooms, I can tell you that this was great pizza. Perfect crust, perfect sauce, and the veggies were cooked just right.


The drink in question.

HUBS loves him a good beverage. And, like I mentioned earlier, he'd had one of those shitty days that are so common when you work with other people on a regular basis. He came home frustrated, hungry and needed to get his buzz on. He chose their mojito and was happier for it.

See, ain't nuthin wrong wit a chain.

Happy Friday, my peeps!

Today Is The Kind Of Day...

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...Where I get up in the morning, cover my nethers and under-boob in cucumber scented baby powder and sit under as many fans as possible. It's only 10:11 a.m., but it's already 80 degrees. Whaaaaaat?? With 69% humidity. Dammit!

I, of course, realize it's not as hot as it could be, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about this.

Music Monday: Happy Mother's Day!

Miller and a kitten in my bass drum.

I know I have to apologize for 'radio silence' a lot on this blog, but I want you all to know that I really do appreciate your reading, viewing, commenting and following. As much as I love the internet and blogging, I frequently need tech breaks to clear my head, watch a movie or, I don't know, read or some shit.

Did all the mothers and people with mothers they like enjoy Sunday's holiday? I certainly hope you did! HUBS and I took my mom out for BBQ at our absolute favorite place, Pappy's Smokehouse. We only spent 35 bucks and got a shit-ton of food! I love that!

PT had never been to this place before, but she really liked her food. We all ended up with leftovers, which is beyond awesome. HUBS and I were tired from some ghetto-living drama the night before so we only stayed at her place about an hour after getting back from dinner. (Some dork knuckle on the street behind us decided to fire off a shot gun. Not cool dork knuckle. Not cool at all.)

I regret that I left my mom's modest gift at home. You know how you mean to grab stuff on the way out the door, but manage to forget anyway? That's what happened. I got her a book and some supplies she can use in the computer class she's been taking, I figure I can take them to her this week, though.

In other news, Luanne was supposed to have her feeding tube taken out today. But, she got sick yesterday and didn't appear to eat or drink anything. She was really lethargic yesterday and today, though she did eat this morning when I brought food to her. So, we'll see. If you believe in praying for sick cats to get better, I'd love it if you could put a good word in for our little Luanne cat.

That's all for now. Enjoy this Sade video from the early '90s that has nothing to do with motherhood! Woooo!!!

Happy Friday! Finally Royal Free

I swear I don't have anything against William and...What's her name? Kate? I really do hope they're happy and all that jazz. But, my God! Every entertainment and news show has been taken over by this royal wedding stuff. They're finally married now, so, you know, I'd kinda like to get back to our usual actual fluffy, entertainmenty stories.

We need to hear more about how Two and a Half Men can go on without the crazy that is Sheen.

I need someone to talk to The Rock on camera about playing Charlie Pride in a country music biopic. (He doesn't look anything like the man!)

Come on, entertainment shows! Let us be embarrassed for M. Night Shyamalan and Keanu Reeves en masse.

Give us spoilers on finales of all our favorite TV shows.

We need to hear about the crotch tattoos, stage parent quotes and see the fake penises and drunk Paula Deen pics.

Phew! I'm glad I got that off my chest! Since those two are finally wedded up, can things get back to America-has-no-royals normal, please?

I Guess What They Say Is True

I've been reorganizing our bookshelves for about a month now, trying to get us down to three in an effort to reduce the amount of crap in our former sitting area. Today while I was cleaning off a long-neglected shelf I came upon some headshots I took in '99 while I was trying to be an actor.



Long story short? I was hot! But, of course, at the time I had no idea I looked even remotely presentable. I doubt I was even wearing makeup (except for lipstick), 'cause I didn't really futz with the stuff back then. The old adage is right, we don't know what we've got 'til it's gone. (Not that I'm some hideous troll woman now. I just mean that it would be nice to have that thin face - and body - again. Ya know?)

What do you wish you had appreciated about yourself when you were younger?

Music Monday! Dreary Day Cure

Man alive! It's been raining almost non-stop since Friday. Friday, people. When we had some pretty serious tornadoes rip through St. Louis and surrounding areas, including the airport. Amazingly, no one was killed or very badly hurt. I guess it really was a Good Friday in some ways.

I've had quite the productive day. I finally hooked my scanner back up after getting a new power cord from Canon, and was more than pleased to find it working again. I cannot tell you how glad I am to not have to shell out for a new scanner, especially since it's obvious that my laptop is on its last legs.

Also, I got some legwork done so I can start my interviews back up this week, cleared some contest stuff off my desk, did some preliminary homework on a possible vacation, took a long-ass nap, figured out something quick to make for dinner and even exercised for 20 minutes. Yay, getting shit done!

Hope you all had a gloriously restful, family filled Easter.

A Lot...And Yet, Not So Much

Luanne: our little Elizabethan poet.

Well, my holy fucking Lord. This has been quite a couple of weeks. I'm gonna break things down into bullet points so my weary mind can process the info as easily as possible.

-Kitten Update: They opened their eyes last week on the same day I took Luanne to the vet specialist. Today I noticed that one of them was cleaning a paw, so they're starting to pick up good kitty habits. Also last week? Miller's kitty mama instincts kicked into high gear and she moved the kittens from the safe, clean, padded box we made for her.

I heard kitty yelping and went downstairs to find that Miller had somehow moved the box a good 15 feet. The box was upside down and her BlackKitten was half trapped underneath. I moved the box and she ran off with BlackKitten. Where did she move them, you're wondering? To my 20 year old base drum that can best be described as a dusty bug graveyard. Oh, well. At least they're all safe.



-Luanne Update: I took Luanne to the specialist last Tuesday and was told that she simply wasn't getting enough food or water via forced syringe. We had to have a feeding tube installed. It made feeding and giving her water a lot easier. Luckily she hasn't had any complications from the surgery.

As I was in the waiting room, I noticed that her left eye was cloudy. I started to panic, and, naturally, my mind went straight to cancer: What the fuck! God, please don't let her have retinoblastoma! What if that's really why she stopped eating! Please don't let her go blind!

Guess what else happened? After we spent almost $2,000 getting her a feeding tube and fancy diagnostic tests she decided to start eating again. The. Very. Next. DAY. That's our little Luanne cat. Perfect fuckin' timing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's doing a bit of eating on her own. But, that procedure took up a huge chunk of living expenses. And! Feeding her via tube, while easier, is still no picnic. For a few days I was doing 4 feedings a day, plus cleaning the opening in her belly twice a day. There's a whole specific procedure that goes along with this thing. It's time consuming and tiring.

The specialist had given her a new antibiotic and after one dose of that fucker she could smell her food and was basically back to breathing normally. Obviously, if she ever gets sick again, we're going right for the Zeniquin. We're now down to two feedings a day, thank God. Hopefully, within the next week or so, we can get her tube taken out.

-Me Update: I'm not sure what exact parameters are used when people say "I threw my back out," but I do know that last Thursday, Friday and Saturday I was in an awesome amount of pain. Until the incident I was doing pretty good. I'd done some stretching and yoga Thursday morning and was feeling sort of strong and capable and less tired. Then I took a couch nap. When I tried to get up a couple of hours later I moved funny or twisted wrong or somehow angered God Almighty and the Devil, because I was suddenly fucked.

Every position hurt: sitting, standing, bending, laying on my stomach, back or either side, moving or being still. I took two Excedrin, which did precisely N.O.T.H.I.N.G. and went to bed in semi-agony. I returned to my old standby, Advil, Friday morning and was hoping to have a relatively easy day of feedings and nappings to rest my back. Especially since I had to get up at the ass fucking crack of dawn ( I've said fuck a lot in this post, haven't I? Indeed, and it's completely appropriate in every instance. Word.) to take Julia in to get fixed. (By the way, that surgery went fine. Except for the tapeworm they had to call me about that afternoon. Yay! Additional expenses!)

Not so fast, Jackson! I was almost done with Luanne's first feeding when the food stopped going through the tube and the syringe kept popping out and spewing food all over the place. I tried massaging the tube where it met her skin, like her nurse suggested if the tube got blocked. But, it didn't work. They also suggest forcing 5 to 10 cc's of carbonated beverage into the tube to help clear it. Guess who didn't have any soda in the house? Can you also guess who had to get her hurtin' ass to Walmart and looked like a crack head while doing so? Ooh, you guys ah wicked smaaaaat.

I also had to rush Luanne back to the specialist when her tube got blocked again on Monday. This time I really couldn't fix it. They had to loosen the flange that keeps the tube from slipping too far in. Luckily, her weight was good, her eyes were mostly cleared and her nurse gave me an A for keeping things clean. That's all amazingly good news, but we all know that sudden doctor's appointments are stressful, right? I will be so, so glad when everyone is totally healthy again.

Speaking of which, I was also constipated for about a week. I know, I know! Y'all just love to hear about constipation. It fills your hearts and makes your lives sing! My point is that I think stress and back pain caused it. Isn't it horrible how stress and pain fuck with all kinds of things that aren't directly related to the stressor, or the area of pain?

On the up side, A couple of days ago I started feeling like a real person again. I even exercised for over a half hour yesterday. EEee!

-HUBS Update: We haven't had sex in over a month. I feel really bad about it, but I also feel too tired and bothered with other stuff to give sex any effort. A therapist might help, but that shit ain't free, unfortunately.

God, I'm tired just going over it all. Enjoy your Thursday night TV folks! And, as always, thanks for listening.

Music Monday! Phew...

Let's see:

- Luanne is still sick and is going to see a specialist tomorrow morning. Cost for just the appointment? $120.

- I got an email this morning that the mom of my friend from college who was the lady of honor at my wedding (matron sounded too old) has kidney cancer was having surgery today.

- Tux won't stop hissing at Julia whenever we bring him upstairs to integrate him into the rest of the cat population.

- I'm exhausted from taking care of Luanne, never
feel like cooking and therefore we're spending way too much money eating out.

- I'm damn near out of anytime minutes on my cell until the 20th.

- My feet will not stop stinking! I swear, I shower and they just laugh at me.

- Gas prices are expected to get to $4 this summer. You know, soon.

- People are paying good money to see Charlie Sheen do nothing special on stage when some actors and musicians are dying to get time on any stage anywhere.

- Japan had another earthquake.

- I feel blobby.

Sure, some of these things are a lot worse than the others, but dammit I need to be uplifted!

It's hard to feel like crap when you watch Pocoyo. Bask in the glow, y'all.

Citygirl Bites! Plush Pig Barbeque

We here at Citygirl headquarters lurve us some BBQ. By the time Sunday rolled around we needed sauced up meat like never before. So, we headed to the Plush Pig to see their new digs in Rock Hill. The last time we dined with them, their place was in Clayton and we had just lost a lawsuit against the former owner of our house (long story, y'all).



I got the rib tips and fries, plus sides of cole slaw and green beans. Man, that was disappointing. It wasn't inedible, but, you know how you build something up and then when you finally get to it it's just...meh? That's how this was. The tips were kinda fatty and none of the food was actually hot when it got to me. And we all know that lukewarm fries are meh, right? The waitress originally brought the wrong sides, but when I finally got the ones I ordered, they were ok.



HUBS ordered the sausage and meat cmbo with baked beans and potato salad. I didn't try any of his meat (heh, heh, heh) but he said the meal had a similar effect on him. It was edible, but didn't burn him to the ground and make him want to go back to the Plush Pig anytime soon. Even the baked beans, which I can honestly say were some of the best in St. Louis, were really good but not amazing, like I remembered them.

I don't know what happened. Is there a new cook? Are they preparing stuff differently? Were our tasebuds deformed the first couple of times we ate there? I don't think we'll be going back to the Plush Pig. Bandana's has much better food for a similar price point, plus they have several locations and whip fast service.

And...We Have Kittens!

She did indeed have them on Monday. There's also a black one who had just vaulted over Miller's back to get to a nipple. Wrong way, dude!

I'll have more pics when they're less blind and wiggly.

Music Monday! I Don't Believe I'm Thinking Correctly

I can honestly say that I would like for everyone who cares about animals even the tiniest bit to pray for our little Luanne cat. I thought we were going to have to hospitalize her today, but the doctor said we were doing such a good job force feeding and watering and medicating her that it wouldn't be worth the money, since they'd just do the exact same stuff.

The vet said it's possible that the antibiotic shot they gave her was ineffective because her body only reacts to the stuff that made her well when we first got her. So, she gave me some of that, told me to up her water intake and said that if Luanne wasn't better in two to three days she'd set us up with a specialist to do some fancy, outrageously expensive tests.

Again? Please pray that this new drug will work, Luanne's nose will clear up, she'll smell her food and eat/drink on her own like a good little kitty girl.



In other news, I forgot to tell you guys that we took in a fifth cat. I know! I. KNOW. But we couldn't take the chance that Miller would get picked up by Trapper and then put down just because she's pregnant. So, on Friday morning of the week Trapper was taking all the strays, we pulled her into the house before anyone could see.

The kicker is that while all this Luanne stuff was going on today (that vet appointment took two full hours) Miller was busy preparing to give birth. I went into the basement to do laundry and noticed that Miller's water was slowly breaking as she moved around. She finally laid in the box we made for her and began...flexing? Yeah, let's just call it flexing.



That was an hour and a half ago. I had to come up to eat and haven't checked back yet, but I figure we'll have kittens by morning. EEEEEEeeeee! My delirium is right...

Recent Obsessions: 100% Dark Amber, Bitches!

Did you guys know about real, 100% pure maple syrup? What? You did? And you didn't tell me!? Geez...and I thought we were friends.

When I heard on Dr. Oz that the real stuff has all kinds of nutrients and other goodnesses (yes, that's what I said) I decided we could at least give it a try. The problem was that the real stuff is kinda expensive as food items go.

They can't just throw some high fructose corn syrup, maple essence and caramel color together to get it. Oh, no. They've got to tap a tree at the right time of year and then clean out the nature gunk, or some such shit. That takes work, so you have to pay for it.

Well, we finally had the cash and low syrup reserves last week to spring for the real stuff. Let me tell you, if you don't know. That. Is. Some. Awe. FUCKING. SHIT! It was better than any stupid 'pancake syrup' I've ever had. And it wasn't just syrupy. It tasted like there was nutmeg, vanilla, cinnamon and other spicy goodness floating around in there. Just...so so so so so damn good!

I don't believe I can go back to the fake stuff. No sir.

This Is, As My Grandmother Would Say About Much Worse Things, Some Better

Little Luanne, aka Cartoon Cat

I do apologize for my absence, but we've had two sick cats. Julia (who, our vet informed us, by the way, is actually male) has been battling an upper respiratory infection since we got...him three weeks ago. Last week Luanne started sneezing and by Sunday I noticed that I hadn't seen her eat anything.

Two early (I mean fucking. early) vet appointments, several botched feedings, multiple medications and one syringe-laden, two-person forced feeding later, she's eating again.

We're really hoping the antibiotics and appetite enhancing meds will kick in soon so we don't have to force feed her for long. 'Cause that shit? Is super DUPER HARD.

In other news, my uncle's father died this week. He and my mom had different dads, and I'd never met his. Now, in a three year period he's lost a brother, his mother, his son and his father (the last two within four months of each other). Fuck all, ya'll.

I really need a good, not worried about sick cats night of long, deep sleep.

God speed and good night.

Music Monday! I Can't Think Of Anything Pithy To Say!

So, here, watch some videos!


Adele


Brazilian Girls


Sia


The Black Keys

Mmmmm...Sleepy...

At Least There's A Good Reason This Time

I'm tired again. But, this time I'm sore too, because I spent about eight hours yesterday cleaning, moving furniture, vacuuming and organizing in an effort to remake our little library. The best part? Aside from smelling like a horse at the end of all that, the area still looks messy as all hell.

It all started when HUBS called Monday night from a solo shopping trip saying he'd found several storage bench options for the foot of the bed. We've been scoping benches for a few months, but the only one we liked was at Target during our penniless period a couple of weeks ago. And, of course, that one's not for sale anymore.

So, after picking up some stuff (including a Dyson, which works incredibly well but costs way more than I've ever thought a vacuum should) he came and got me so I could see what he found at Homegoods.

Now, HUBS doesn't have bad taste or anything, but his ideas about what will look good where tend to be a bit different from mine. Also, he occasionally likes unattractive things. I wasn't that impressed with any of the benches he found, but I did see one he managed not to notice at all.



See how cool that looks at the foot of the bed? It's a slightly off white leather, and as soon as we set it up I loved it. Now I'm looking for a (under $20) bright yellow or turquoise lacquer tray that I can sit on top and put those books in.

I managed to clear out three under bed storage boxes by filling the bench. That opened up space under the bed for some of the crap that's been cluttering the corners of the library. Which led to me dusting things as I moved them around and then vacuuming the open spaces and then rearranging stuff and vacuuming some more.

Boy howdy! I was not expecting to spend that amount of time on this yesterday! But, at least I've made some headway into this get-it-done-in-2011 project.

I'm also trying to arrange the library in a way that will (somewhat unobtrusively) accommodate HUBS' bike on a stationary stand. The couch will likely have to go the way of Goodwill, but I'll miss the way it looks there. Any design buffs out there? With any ideas?

Music Monday! Why Am I Still Tired?

Well, hopefully this song will help pep you up during your post-lunch slump like it has me. I've been tired since last Monday when I only got three hours of sleep on the previous night. I'm eating my veggies. I'm taking my vitamins. I'm getting between six and eight hours of sleep a night. Why am I so sleepy?

Screw the slump! Let's get with some Fitz and The Tantrums!

Happy Friday! Meet Our New Tree...

Wow, Monday was quite the experience. Within an hour of taking all those cool shots of the snow, our neighbor's tree fell into our backyard. It destroyed her fence and ours (though ours was rather shabby anyway), and narrowly missed our deck. Thank God we had to remove our backyard tree a few years ago, or that likely would have smashed into our deck.

After doing a walk around to check out the damage, we did our taxes. When I cashed in my 401k to pay our credit card bills, the lady at the bank estimated the state taxes. (The Feds don't play, they take that shit out before you even get your hands on your 401k funds.)

I put that amount plus an extra thousand into a CD so we wouldn't spend it. Well, after doing the taxes we realize she way, way overestimated the amount. What does this mean? Holy Fuckballs! It means we have money for groceries and maxi pads again, that's what it means! WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!

We went out to an early dinner to celebrate and then headed over to the nearby theater for a preview of The Lincoln Lawyer. By the by? Film and soundtrack were awesome.

It's nice to, once again, have some financial pressure taken off. We can actually add to that teeny tiny savings account I started a few months ago! Maybe take a real vacation! Take another class! Finally go to a concert! Money can be so exciting...

Well, my weekend is going to be filled with grocery shopping and probably at least one meal out. Let's part to an amazing performance by Jessie J on last week's SNL. Have a great weekend, guys!

Well, At Least That's Some Good News...

The video is in Thai, just so you know.

Japan has an island filled with cats and old people that has been largely untouched by the ridiculously unfair amount of recent turbulence. At least that's something.

Someone Needs To Reset Her Watch: Mother Nature, I'm Looking At You

We just sprang forward yesterday, and I realize that this is St. Louis and the weather is often fucked up and unpredictable, but damn! It was 65 degrees on Saturday and now it's snowing? It's March 14, for Christ's Sake!



I don't believe I've ever gone to bed with rain and woke up to snow like I did this morning. Even though I find this baffling, I do find snow better than a continuation of the sixth day of unrelenting rain in less than three full weeks.



That's right, I didn't go to bed until 4:35 am. I was working on a story and right when I was about to start on the edit, I thought taking a nap for a few hours would probably be best.



Why? Because, as is usually the case when I've had a lot of coffee to try to keep myself awake, I was feeling like I could throw up.



And, also? When I saw that bat fly out of my lamp, it seemed like sleep of any duration was likely the best thing for me.

And Now For Something Funny...

Well, we're still smack dab in the middle of some stray cat stress, and after hearing about all the horrible tsunami happenings, I have to say, don't a lot of us need a laugh?









Happy Friday!

I Am Nothing If Not A Sobbing Heap

I'm really glad I didn't post yesterday. I was feeling pretty good after the cat stuff on Tuesday. The Trapper was back, but no one took the bait. In fact this is as serious as it got:



That's Mollie sitting on top of a trap. There was lots of nuzzling and sniffing and sitting on, but no getting caught in traps. Apparently that was just because the universe knew I couldn't handle seeing it two days in a row. Know what the first thing I saw was when I woke up this morning and looked out my bedroom window? A cat getting caught in a trap.

I couldn't deal anymore. I called Animal Control to see if they can legally use our property for this. The chick behind the desk called Trapper who called the cops. Yes, the cops. Who then knocked on my door, with Trapper in tow, and explained how diseased and horrible the strays are and how coyotes feed off of them and how he's an animal lover too and he knows I just feel for them.

But, if I'm feeding them, I'm in violation of laws and they consider them my cats and I have to stop feeding them. And, Trapper will be outside my home every day for the next seven days doing her thing. If, on the seventh day cats are still coming around we'll get citations for each law we're breaking for each cat she sees.

So, there you have it. No more feeding the cats. I'm upset, angry, despondent, pissed I ever agreed to like cats at all. Three pieces of good news? HUBS and I will save about $20 a month not feeding the strays; they'll likely stop showing up within three days, so we are unlikely to get any tickets; and, we did pick up Julia last night. She's currently sequestered in our basement until we can get her shots/bathed/de-wormed/tested for various illnesses.

Here's my question: how would Trapper feel if she'd been locked in a cage for six days and then been expected to act perfectly nice and pleasant? Considering that she's already severely sawed off, she'd probably behave like a raging bitch-on-fire who'd have to be immediately put down. How exactly are the cats supposed to fare any better, on average?

I know there's no perfect solution, other than everybody keeping their animals spade/neutered and inside their houses, but this still sucks Trapper ass.

Though, I do feel good about Julia.

Heart. Is. Breaking.

So, you remember me telling you about all the stay cats in my neighborhood? Well, today County Animal Control stopped by and started rounding them up. I'm heartbroken. I talked with the lady who was setting the traps in my yard this morning and she said they hold them for a week to see if anyone claims them. Then? Then, if the cats don't look like they're good with people, they euthanize them.

After being tricked with food and trapped in a cage the cats only get one week to suddenly be good with people or they're dead. I hate this.

I had to stand there and watch as one of our favorites, Julia, got trapped in the cage. She was so scared. I'm just praying she calms down enough so that they can adopt her out. Unless we get money back from our taxes we won't be able to take her in. As it is we're already pretty full with three cats, but we are considering going to get Julia.


This is Julia in 2009, she was still a kitten. It's hard to believe we may never see her again.

Even worse, a pregnant cat (like Miller and Harris, the gray cats in the top photo) who doesn't get claimed in a week may be euthanized even if they are good with people. 'Cause who's adopting a pregnant cat? So even though Miller is super-adoptable (we pet her all the time and she loves it), she may be killed just because she's knocked up (if they catch her, I hope they don't).

My question is, where was County Animal Control four years ago when we moved in? The trapper I talked to today said that they noticed a problem so they're trying to take care of it, but there have been strays since we moved in. Why the fuck couldn't they have stepped up their efforts before HUBS and I and the guy across the street got attached to the stays?

I know we're not the ones who'll actually be physically hurt if they strays don't get adopted, but this feels like a giant Fuck you and everything you care about! from the universe. Especially after all the loss my family has suffered. It's like one more Ha HA, try to deal with THIS! from life. (And yes, I know life gives us those on a regular basis to keep us on our toes and grateful for the good things and yada yada...Doesn't make this any easier. Pitiful as it may be I feel like these cats are my friends.)

I HATE HATE HATE THIS TUESDAY. And I really hope you're having a better day than me. Really better.

Sunday Dinner: Brown Sugar Dijon Grilled Chicken & Spinach Garlic Noodles

I made this a couple of nights ago and really loved the way it turned out. The chicken was from a recipe I found online and played with a little bit.

Brown Sugar Dijon Grilled Chicken

1 to 2 lbs of boneless, skinless chicken breasts or tenders (If you buy breasts cut them into smaller pieces or that shit will never get done)
3 Tbsp Dijon mustard
Juice from 1 can pineapple tidbits or chunks
2 Tbsp brown sugar
2 Tbsp olive oil
salt and cracked pepper to taste

Combine everything except the chicken in a dish deep enough to hold all the liquid. Stir it all together to get the brown sugar dissolved, and taste for salt and pepper. Add your chicken and marinate at least a half hour.

Heat up your grill or grill pan and cook away. I made mine in two batches; each batch took around 15 minutes and I flipped the pieces once about half way through the cooking time. I suppose you could combine more mustard, sugar and juice to use for a dip, but I didn't and it was still Hella good.

Now, the pasta was something I made up on the spot. It tasted awesome! I love it when that happens!

Spinach Garlic Noodles

4 cups cooked whole wheat (or regular) noodles
2 Tbsp garlic butter
1 Tbsp olive oil
2 handfuls spinach, cut or torn into strips
1/4 to 1/2 cup Hunt's Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes with Garlic, juice reserved
feta cheese, Italian seasoning, salt and pepper to taste

Put your butter and olive oil in a pot and heat it up. Add your pasta and get it coated in the grease. Put in the spinach and let it wilt, then add the feta, tomatoes, Italian seasoning and pepper. Let everything heat up for a bit and give it a good couple of stirs.

If you need your pasta juicier, add the reserved juice from the tomatoes. Taste it to see if it's salty enough, if not add a tiny bit at a time until you get it where you like it (I hardly put any additional salt in mine at all).

This was so good! I plan to eat the last of the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. And really? I'm very excited about it!

EXPANSION Saturday! I Took A Class!

HUBS and I have been talking about taking a class together at our local community college for about a year now, but we didn't have the extra funds to sign up until recently.

I got a little thrill in spending money on something we'd wanted to do for a while that wasn't strictly necessary. In early January I signed us up for three classes, one for each of us to take alone and one for us to take together. Thank God for the continuing education options, because all of our classes were one day seminars that cost less than fifty bucks. Genius!

My class, on publishing non-fiction books, was last Saturday. I had to get up early, but still managed to not wake up quite early enough to eat breakfast or make coffee. Plus, I had stomach trouble, so I was none too happy. But, luckily, the class changed that.

Man. Can I just say how nice it was to get out? Just like with the interviews I've started doing again, it felt good to be a person who leaves the house to do things that don't involve errands. I even asked questions and interjected thoughts! Thoughts, people!

This little adventure led, I believe, to HUBS and I going to a park we've never been to before to play frisbee and taking neighborhood walks twice this week. Look! We're doing new things! And accomplishing goals! And getting exercise!



Our next class is later this month (Fuck. How did we get to March already?), when we learn about Irish legends and myths together. What new opportunities will that bring our way? Who knows?! Sky's the limit!

Now, if any of you out there are writers, here are some things I learned in my class:

Insider Publishing Secrets

1) Your royalties aren't based on the price of your book, they're based on what the seller pays for it. For example: If your books costs $10, the seller (B&N, Borders, Amazon, etc.) probably pays around $7.50 for each copy. If you get a 10% royalty, you only get 75 cents from each book sold.

2) Most publishing companies pay twice a year, around January and June. But? They pay late almost all the time, so you won't actually get your royalty check until 3 to 6 months after their pay schedule.

3) There are two sets of rules in publishing (like in life, really), one for already famous people and one for the rest of us. Advances are really only for the famous.

4) Smaller companies usually sell less, but will give you bigger royalties; while the opposite is true for larger publishing houses.

5) If you write for everyone, you'll sale to no one. Make your topic as specific as possible.

6) Anybody can reuse your title and it's totally legal. Also? No matter how good the title you've chosen may be, the publisher will almost certainly change it.

7) Any title with "how to", "secret" or the number "7" always sells.

8) If you want to know who might be interested in publishing your book, read the acknowledgement section of books like yours. Writers always thank their editors and agents there. But...

9) Stay away from agents if at all possible. It's easier to get through to editors at publishing houses, plus agents tend to reject 85% to 95% of all ideas.

10) Last but not least? The contract publishers send to writers once they've agreed to publish your book is non-negotiable. You can have a lawyer look over it, but if they change anything that company will not be publishing the fine work of non-fiction you've poured yourself into.

Those are just a few of the insidery things our instructor let us in on. I'd highly recommend a class like this to anyone interested in writing books!

Music Monday: Post Oscar Pep!

This better conveys James Franco's expression for most of the Oscar show than any photo I could find. I am quite the artiste!

I used to be all about watching The Academy Awards when I was a kid. And not just the actual show either, nuh uh. I'd watch all the prep shows and the Barbara Walters Special and the pre-show and then the Oscars.

Now that I look back on it, no telecast ever registered as good or bad or exciting or boring. I was a kid, and as someone not even remotely involved in the industry, many would posit that I shouldn't have been interested at all at, say, eight-years-old. But, interested I was, so watch I did. Every year, it was a given.

I believe it was my Sophomore year of college when all that changed. I had to work or study, or something, so I decided to tape the event. When I tried to watch later that night, I realized that my VCR (I know! Remember those? Fuck, I'm old.) wasn't in prime condition anymore. The picture was wobbly and the audio was almost non-existent. No amount of 'tracking' could fix this.

I distinctly remember thinking Oh well, fuck it. And that was literally the last time I tried to watch an entire Oscarcast. This brings us to last night.

Now, we all knew it was possible that this little young-beautiful-actors-with-no-heretofore-seen-comedic-hosting-talent experiment could backfire, right? many of the reviews have praised Anne Hathaway and the obligatory opening host-in-nominated-movies pre-recorded madness, and blasted James Franco.

At first I felt like everyone else, Anne is working her butt off and James couldn't give less of a shit. He's nervous or stoned or bored or has decided (roughly five minutes into the show) that he's either above this bullshit or made the worst decision of his life and has decided to just let those feelings fly. But, I think we all may have missed the point.

James Franco did exactly what the hell James Franco meant to do last night, but none of us (not even the show's producers or his co-host) were in on the joke. Let's imagine that you were a solid actor who's won some recognition in TV and movies. Let's also say that, after a long string of co-starring movie roles, you decide to take a part on a soap opera to possibly showcase your performance art skills to a national, unknowing audience with a character that's named after you; and let's say that this is for a class at one of the two universities you currently attend.

Now, would it not be possibly the greatest performance art piece of all time, to take a gig hosting the majorist of award shows, pretend to be dead serious about it and then, when you get there, act like you're stoned/scared/would rather be having a colonoscopy non-anesthetized?

Someone hand James Franco his A+, already.

Anyway, here's something more upbeat for you!

Read: The Lover's Dictionary

It's been awhile since I read a novel. I've been knee deep in cookbooks, magazines, self-help tomes and the occasional autobiography for the past two years. So, when I was browsing at the library a couple of weeks ago, I saw this on the shelf and decided to just give it a chance. Usually, I stick to books I've heard something about, but this time I thought a little EXPANSION of my normal tactics was in order.

I finished this novel in three days. It's the story of a relationship gone awry, told in a flashback/flash forward style and in the form of a dictionary. Each alphabetized entry gives us a piece of the puzzle of how this couple met, lived together and then didn't.

It's so beautifully written. The author manages to write in a conversational style that is also very poetic, honest and original. I actually plan to buy this one eventually, so I can re-read it. If you're looking for something new to sink your literary teeth into, I think this might be what you need.

Tuesday Tipday: Unnecessary Eyebrow Bullshit

I hope everyone had an awesome, warm weather filled weekend, because I have something very important to discuss with you.

You know, I try very hard to keep up with all the personal maintenance things that come up: cleaning the ear wax, mining the nose, keeping the teeth pearly, removing random whiskers, making sure my mustache fuzz doesn't make me look like a lazy transvestite...But this one really caught me off guard last night.

I was getting ready for bed and decided to clean up my eyebrows a bit. So, I'm plucking away and got something in the tweezers that I thought was lint or Tux fluff, because it was white. It was not lint. It was...wait for the horror...A GRAY EYEBROW HAIR.

What?! Just...Huh?

I mean...You know?

I'm only 36!!

Holy...Holy Damn Hell Fuck Shits!!

We know what's next, right? Gray nose hairs and then gray whiskers and then...A gray coochie. Oh, God yes! I cannot wait for the gray coochie!! That will be a banner day, y'all!!! And while I'm yelling in print, what's with the English language allowing two different spellings for gray/grey?!?! We needs rules, English Language! They keep us from devolving into anarchy!!

*sigh*

I was seconds away from shaving those betraying bastards off and going full-on Crawford by just drawing that shit in, when I calmed down.

I found some things online about gray eyebrow pencils and general info for looking good with gray hair. But lets all make note of my Tip: pluck the hell outta that shit! Unless you realize you have 120 eyebrow hairs and now 90 of them are gray, just get rid of it. Especially if your head, nose and sweet lady parts are mostly non-gray.

I feel better now. Go, my pretties! Enjoy your gray-free brows! Fly! Fly!!!

Sunday Dinner: Braised Short Ribs

My open cookbook plus the newly cleaned, chopped leeks and celery.

Seeing as how I've been doing gobs of cooking lately, I really had planned to start this new feature several weeks ago (since around October), but since I'm sorta slow to get things done we'll be starting my Sunday Dinner posts now.

And, now is a great time. Why? Because on Wednesday night I made the most awesome thing ever, and for the first time.

Remember how I raved about Mad Hungry, the cookbook I've been pouring over since December? Well I made the short ribs recipe this week and Oh. My. Good. GOD! It is literally one of the best things I've eaten/cooked/seen in the entirety of my life.

This would be especially good for a weekend meal, because you need to let the meat marinate for at least six hours and then cook for 2 1/2 to 3 hours. The result is so tempting, though, that when I finished cooking this at 1 a.m. Thursday morning (after we'd finished dinner several hours before) I immediately knew I had to have some. HUBS and I then proceeded to share two bowls of the stuff over whole wheat linguine.

*mouth waters*

If you like to cook, like meat or like yourself, you will need to make this dish. Here we go:

Recipe via Mad Hungry by Lucinda Scala Quinn

thinly slice 1 onion
smash 4 garlic cloves (Or, sprinkle on garlic powder, which is what I did when I thought I was out of garlic)
thinly chop 1 carrot
thinly chop 1 cleaned leek (I'd never cooked one of these before. That bastard was super dirty! I cleaned each leaf twice, washing my hands in between cleanings.)
thinly chop 1 celery stalk
4 sprigs fresh thyme or 1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 cup red wine (I've heard that the general rule is if you'd drink it, you can cook with it.)
1/2 cup soy sauce/tamari
1 tablespoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper (Or good cracked pepper; I used that.)
3 1/2 pounds short ribs
2 to 3 Idaho potatoes, quartered (optional) (I used 1 Yukon Gold and 2 Sweet potatoes. Her recipe says to peel them, but I didn't.)


All the veggies in the pan! The foil after a few hours cooking. I like that it looks like a fairy tale crime scene...Don't judge me.

Now, after you get everything cleaned, chopped and poured, mix all the ingredients except the meat and potatoes in a roughly 9 x 15 roasting pan. Mine is actually a baking pan shaped like a gingerbread man, yours need not be.

Add the meat in one layer and make sure the marinade gets all over the pieces. Cover and let it sit in the fridge for at least six hours, up to overnight. Turn the meat once or twice during that time so that each side gets the marinade goodness. Take the pan out 30 minutes before you plan to cook it.

Put your oven on 400 degrees and cook for one hour. Then, turn the heat down to 350 degrees and cook for another 1 1/2 to 2 hours. If you want potatoes, add those 40 minutes before you finish cooking. I kept mine covered in foil the whole time and it never dried out, but if yours does, feel free to add some water while it's still cooking.

Finished dish? Glorious! Rich! Tasty! Probably shouldn't be eaten at one in the morning! But, oh well!