Just Call Me Gunslinger McGraw

Me, on the shooting range. I am now in love with a Glock 9.

On our way to and from Philly HUBS and I made stops with our friends Zombie Apocalypse and his wife Gentle Teacher at their home in Ohio. They have actual acres up there, and Lake Erie passes behind their house.


This is their driveway, people!

As much as I love HUBS, it was nice to talk to someone other than him. I know how that sounds, but I did tell him that and he agreed! We both have fairly solitary jobs, and rarely do much talking with other people aside from each other. Zombie and Gentle showed us around their place when we got there (after about eight hours of driving and a few infuriating wrong turns that took us several miles out of our way) and made us an amazing dinner of grilled hamburgers, steaks and chicken with tater tots, Zombie style baked beans and fresh corn on the cob. Crap, y'all. It was so, so good!


Some of their ducks at the watering hole.

They have three dogs, a cat, ducks that they use for eggs, blueberry bushes and tons of flowers. They just moved in back in January. The house already had a guest room and a guest apartment with its own bathroom and kitchen. It also has granite on the walls in the kitchen. Swanky! They live out in the middle of nowhere, but it's beautiful there. Being a city person I couldn't spend my life in an area like that, but it's a lovely place to visit.



Even though we were exhausted we stayed up talking for a few hours, retiring at about midnight. The next day they took us out to breakfast at a local place they like to visit Mr. C's Restaurant. The food was amazing! God, I am a true sucker for breakfast.



After that we headed to the gun range. That's right, folks. Gun range. We shot a couple of revolvers, the aforementioned Glock 9, a civilian version of an AK 47 and a .357 Magnum. I did pretty good considering that I wasn't wearing my glasses (the safety goggles wouldn't fit over them) and I hadn't shot since I was about eight years old.


HUBS and Zombie getting ready for some long range shootin'.

The one drawback was that I was wearing short sleeves and an open neck top. Why was this a drawback, you ask? Because the shells would pop out of the gun, blazing hot and hit my bare skin. I even got one in the chest that almost went down my shirt. Yowza! I have a tiny scar on my right arm from a burn mark left from one of the shells. Is it weird that it makes me feel slightly badass?


Gentle, Zombie and HUBS leaving the restaurant.

Music Monday: Wow, We're A Mess Over Here

Man, Philly was worth it, but that vacation definitely wrecked us! The photo above is proof of that. What you're looking at, my friends, is a baking soda anti-itch mask on the chesticle area of yours truly. Now, I was expecting to get a heat rash in Philly. HUBS and I did tons of walking, and since I sweat like a robber on a chain gang the minute the temperature goes above 75 even when I'm standing still, I was prepared for some part of my face or neck to break the fuck out.

However, I was not prepared for the itchy, red, bumpy, irritated-by-the-slightest-bit-of-clothing patches that invaded my neck, ears, chest, face and now arms. I've been battling this rash, which, by the by, looks like a serious infectious disease, since the Thursday we were in Philly. That's almost two the fuck weeks, internet!

For that time I've been covered in extra strength hydrocortisone, cold milk compresses, calamine, the blissfully new clear calamine and, as you've seen, baking soda packs. For a brief moment this Saturday it looked like I was rounding the corner; my ears were cleared up and my neck and chest infestations had dried to less itchy but still physically unappealing dark, scaly patches. But by that night I noticed a new infection on other parts of my neck and chest, and now my arms and a bit of face are screwed.

I write to you now covered in Caladryl Clear and having made a dermatologist appointment for tomorrow morning. I hope I don't have scabies or a parasite or something really horrible and odd like that.

Also messed up in our neck of the woods? HUBS. He started getting sick the same day my rash appeared in Philly and, after his own brief period of feeling better, has taken another turn this weekend. He had to take three and a half days off work last week! And now his voice is so hoarse that he sounds like Darth Vader. Poor HUBSY.

So, I want to know, is this what you do Philly? Lure vacationers in with all your history and awesome food and murals, let them spend all their monies and tire themselves out and them make them sick just in time to go home? Is it, Philly?! IS THIS HOW YOU HAVE FUN, PHILLY?!?! SHAME ON YOU!!!

In other news, Marc and J. Lo! Say it ain't so!

Back To Work

I can't believe it's Wednesday already. I got a sympathy card today from the vet specialist office about Luanne and reading all the nice things they said about her and me and HUBS made me cry. But, other than that I've been doing pretty good. Though I have to say, the house feels different without her.

Remember how I said her dying wasn't quite as simple as I made it sound? Well, we weren't with her when she died. HUBS and I were on vacation. More specifically? We were on our way to the beach when we got the call that she passed away.

On to brighter things, I suppose...

HUBS and I were in Philadelphia from July 3 through 8th. We drove, so we were car bound on the 1st, 2nd, 8th and 9th. We packed a lot of doing into that amount of time and we've been exhausted since getting in around 2:30 Sunday morning*.

In fact, HUBS and I slept most of the day on Sunday. We woke up to eat a late lunch and bury Luanne in the back yard (We buried her with a favorite string and planted wildflower seeds on her grave), and then went back to sleep. I slept so much on Sunday I only ate the one meal!

I'll show lots of pictures (I took around 3,000 shots. No. Not kidding at all.) and give you more details in the coming days. Right now, though, you should know that I had a very productive morning.

About a month ago I signed up on fiverr to do some little gigs for $5 each. I finally got some legitimate hits last week (hours before Luanne died, actually) and today I got to complete my first paid gig. I reviewed a screenplay outline for someone and you know what? It felt really fucking good!

It felt better than writing chef and bartender interviews or film reviews and definitely felt better than watching aimless hours of TV. For the first time in years I felt like I was using my whole brain and was seriously in my element. I like this, people! I got to help someone, write and work with film industry stuff. How is that not awesome?

If you know a friend who could use help with a screenplay, music recommendations, ideas for dinner, a personalized pop culture update or a short screenplay written specially for them, please direct them to my fiverr gigs!

Now, since there hasn't been a Music Monday in a couple of weeks enjoy the video above from Sam Sparro. You can see a slicker version here.



*Molly the stray cat ran across the street to greet us when we got home, despite the late hour. That was a really nice welcome home.

August 2009 - July 5 2011

Well, yesterday at around 11:30 am, Luanne passed away. It's not quite that simple, but I can't get into all the details right now.



I'm really sad. I feel like I'm sadder than when my grandmother, uncle or cousin died. I know time is severely compressed for cats, but they had all been sick for so long that the possibility of death seemed more imminent. Plus, I wasn't directly caring for any of them on a daily basis. Even though they were people and family, I think that proximity to illness is a factor in how much this hurts.



As you can see from the dates in the title, Luanne wasn't even two years old yet. What sucks is that just a couple of weekends ago (on June 24 and 25) she seemed to really be starting to adjust to her anemia. She started jumping around onto things and into windows that she'd ignored for weeks. She jumped up in my lap and curled up there for a bit. She even spent most of Saturday night that weekend in bed with HUBS and I. The power had gone out and I think she was nervous. After chasing a little flying creature around on our dresser in the light of a flashlight, she jumped right over to the bed and curled up between us.



It was pretty sudden, on Monday she was fine. On Tuesday morning she took a turn and died on us.


Luanne's most recent nickname was Poodle Paws

I'm always going to wonder if I had done just one, or two or maybe three things differently if she would still be with us. Long enough for her birthday at least. I am glad for the time we had with her, though.



And yet, I'm still really sad.

Music Monday: Phew!

Man alive, y'all! Last week was packed with frustrating and yet exciting stuff for me. I'm looking forward to getting back to a week with at least some peaceful, restful moments, and if this weekend was any indication, HUBS and I are off to a good start.

Well, I hope the weekend was good to you, too, and that the work week will find you happy and fulfilled.

Until next time, enjoy a little Marina and the Diamonds, why don't you?

Expansion Wednesday!

I did it again! I did something new and different last night; I went to a writer's group.

Remember last week, when I went to my first networking event? Well, I said I was going to another one this week, and though this wasn't strictly for networking it was nice to get out and get some EXPANSION accomplished.

I had signed up for another networking event, but when I was looking at Meetup.com, I saw that there was a writer's group having a meeting last night also. It sounded like there was going to be some good info dispensed, and part of the reason for the networking is to get to know other writers, so I opted for the writer's group.

It lasted for about two hours. Our leader is a business woman/consultant who's (obviously, I suppose) written some books on business and a bit of fiction. She reminds me of Amy Sedaris: tiny, fit, blond, tanned, talks a lot and kinda fast, and she likes to joke around.

They meet every two weeks and I believe I'll be going back. Afterwards I talked to one of the other writers who had come in late with a book on screenwriting. I was nervous to strike up a conversation, but I couldn't not talk to another person interested in writing movies, right?

EXPANSION, HO! (That's like "WESTWARD, HO" not expansion is a ho...Get it?)

?!?!?!

...


Oh, what the HELL?!

Just...sigh...

I Know It's Not Monday, But...

I thought this was kinda cool:



The whole clipboards on the parking lot thing must be a tightly packed urban area deal, 'cause we don't have that here. But paying 80 bucks for roughly six items? I'm glad HUBS and I aren't the only ones who think Whole Foods is good but severely over priced!

Music Monday: Dammit Katy Perry!

How was everyone's weekend? I got my hair done and HUBS and I had a movie marathon on Sunday, seeing X-Men: First Class and Super 8 at the theater and then Animal Kingdom later at home that night. Now, on to some important business.

Have you seen the new Katy Perry video for her song Last Friday Night? I'll be honest here, I kinda liked her when she first came out and then soured on her a bit when she went full-on super-pop-princess-with-a-hint-of-humor. But now that I've seen this '80s inspired video? Well, I just can't help myself. I LOVE IT! It's a perfect mixture of all those teen movies from my formative years. See for yourself, and dare to tell me it's not awesome:



See! I know! Right?! I guess I'm going to just have to admit that I find her music catchy, even this song, which I find completely asinine:




What song do you think is stupid, but can't help liking anyway?

Happy Friday! Amuse Yourselves

So, any plans this weekend? HUBS and I might be doing a double feature of X-Men: First Class and Super 8, but we haven't totally decided yet. Other than that I have an article to finish and a much needed hair appointment to attend. I know! I'm full of exciting times over here!

Until your weekend gets going full blast, enjoy some animal nonsense:









Enjoy the weekend, everyone!

Expansion Is Awesome!

Photo

Look at me internet! I did something new and scary this week. Friends, I finally went to a networking event!

I know this may not sound like a big deal to many of you, but the idea of throwing myself into a room full of strangers and talking about myself is, horrifying? Alarming? Sweat-producing? Vomit-inducing? Yeah, all that and more, trust me.

I almost didn't go. The two previous nights I'd gone to bed past 2 a.m., so I was seriously sleep-deprived. I also needed a shower and was in an assy mood (because of the no sleep thing). But? But, I pulled myself together in a couple of hours and went anyway! Yes, dammit!

Every time I considered not going I felt really disappointed in myself. Which is a far cry from the other times I'd vaguely planned to go to a networking event and then crapped out on myself. Normally, I decide to stay home (sometimes for actual reasons, but mostly for chicken-shittery) and that's it. I ruminate over how I should have gone for about two minutes and then forget it.

This time, though, when I've been talking about EXPANSION this year and haven't actually done much of it, I could tell that I would really hold this not-going against myself. If I didn't go now, when the year is half over, I figured I never would. The very least I could do was go and see what happened, right? I figured if I got there and it was really an animalistic orgy I could always leave early.

Of course it wasn't that bad! It wasn't the most fun I'd ever had, or anything (due to the terror), but I didn't embarrass myself, either. So, Yay! Plus, I got some leads from a couple of the other networkers that could really help me out vis-a-vis more freelance work.

I'm planning, again and for real, to go to another event from a different networking group next Tuesday. I'll let you know how it turns out!

What was the last scary task you completed that you'd been meaning to do forever?

Tuesday Tipday: Sometimes A Dick Is Just A Dick, Yo

Screenshot

So, most of the heat over this Weiner thing has cooled off, but still. It is a messy, messy mess, isn't it? And now, apparently, he's seeking treatment for an undisclosed ailment. Which, if this instance tracks with other, recent, hobag-men-in-power-cheating scenarios, will likely be some form of sexual addiction.

On today's Tipday I'm going to ask that we remember the good ol' days. You know, it used to be that when people displayed dickish behavior, it just meant that they were a dick. You did bad, low, deceitful things because you were a scoundrel, scallywag, scamp, rapscallion and villain.

You didn't have some half-assed condition *, you just had a fucked up personality. Everyone knew it and respected it, and there were only two types of 'treatment' for it. You either decided to be a better human being and stuck to the difficulties of it, or you got shot, and that was that.

Can we please go back to the days when bastards had to take responsibility for being bastards without attaching themselves to the pity bait of having a 'condition' or 'illness'? After all, you can't grow if you constantly blame your fuck-ups on someone or something else, now can you?

*I don't doubt that sexual addiction is a real thing. I just doubt that every rich guy who sticks it where it don't belong and gets caught has said condition. The odds of them ALL having it seem pretty damn slim to me. You know?

Music Monday: Thank You! Really!

Oh yes! It's a lovely day, people! It's actually cool outside. HUBS and I haven't had to turn on the air since Friday. And today? It's like fall out there. I could wear long sleeves and not fly into a murderous rage before dying of heatstroke. Not murdering or dying is the way to live, my friends.

I hope you're all getting a break from the heat as well, and that you get a chance to enjoy the out-of-doors tonight!

Are You There God? It's Me, Citygirl...

Dear Almighty,

I'm writing this as an open prayer. To get it all out and force myself to stop.

We cannot worry anymore. HUBS and I cannot sleep at night. We're snappy and bitchy and twitchy and irritable. Even when we're happy we're sad. It all feels like too much; like a dreary dead end that we can't turn around from.

And we're trying. Trying to stop the worry, the ruminating, the wallowing, the stressing, the fear. We are: breathing deeply, counting to 10, praying, pleading, meditating, yoga-ing, stretching and discussing. It helps for a bit, and then feels meaningless.

So, I'm now (actively and publicly) giving it all to you. Surrendering every fear, stress, worry, anxiety and its ilk.

About...

Luanne's health issues
My joblessness
My depression
My restlessness
My inactivity
My indecision
My procrastination
HUBS' exhaustion
Our money problems
Our anger
Our anxiety
Our fear of our own futures
Our lack of hope
Our lack of complete faith
Our entitlement
Our reckless desires...

And all the other negative, scary stuff.

I ask that you take these things and help us figure out a way through, up, over, around or under them. And if we can't figure out a way, please help us somehow be ok anyway.

Many thanks,
XO

Citygirl

Marriage Is A Lovely Thing

In the WalMart checkout line this morning...

citygirl: Man, I'm really gassy today and I don't know why.

HUBS: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sweetles.

citygirl (with concern): It's bad, too.

HUBS (bugging eyes with his head down): It's baaad, too. Oh, boy! (dissolving into hysterics and hugging his citygirl)

Honestly, is there anything better than this type of freedom? I think not.

Happy Friday: Hole Up For The Heat Wave!

Well, well, well. Another Friday is here and if you're anything like me, the weeks are going by faster than a runaway train. It's already ridonkulously hot in the STL and it aims to get hotter over the weekend.

Our neighborhood has it's annual homecoming festivities this weekend. And by 'homecoming' I mean fuck-safety-let's-block-all-the-streets-into-and-out-of-the-'hood-with-random-drunk-assjacks festivities. HUBS and I, in years past, had tried leaving the house and coming back later, hoping to miss the bullshit. Alas, that only works if you plan to stay away for a solid 24 hours, the partying is so intense.

Last year we just said FUCK IT! and loaded ourselves up with good eats and entertainment options so that we literally wouldn't need to leave for anything while Party Apocalypse took place. This year we'll do the same. Which is fine, since it's gonna be hotter than a ho in church tomorrow.

If you're planning to keep things cool and indoors this weekend, why not try some of my favorites?

The IT Crowd: A Britcom about the three person IT department at a huge company. It never fails to make me laugh so hard I almost pee myself. Be prepared, though; there are only about six episodes per season and you will find yourself craving more when you're done!

Better Off Ted: Another workplace comedy, this time American. Also a bringer of reliably huge laughs.

Designing Women: Ok, technically this is another workplace comedy about the women of an Atlanta design firm, but it's about so much more: relationships, social issues, lady issues...And all wrapped in a crazy-funny package that still works over twenty years later.

Carnivale: If you're looking for something a bit deeper and darker, this is guaranteed to do the trick. A creepy, supernatural, chill-inducing, mythology heavy head-scratcher that will keep you guessing.

The Wire: God, HBO knows how to do TV! I honestly believe that this is one of the best shows that's ever been on television anywhere in the world. If you don't know, it follows a group of Baltimore, MD police detectives and the criminals they're trying to put away. All five seasons were the absolute best shit out there. I miss this show.

Hung: This takes us back to the lighter side of things. It's a little show about a divorced dad who takes up prostituting himself to make some extra cash. Funny, weird and always interesting.


There! Those should get you through the roughest of weekend heat waves cool, crisp and well-entertained. (I don't need to mention classics like Buffy, Angel, Gilmore Girls or Alias to you...Do I?)

What do you watch for a weekend indoors?

Cicada Crazy

Photo

Ok, nature. I know these things are only around for about six weeks every seven or thirteen or seventeen years, but, oh my! I am fucking tired of the noise and getting attacked every time I leave the house.

Monday seemed to be their peak day in our yard. They literally covered the trunk of our small tree and had infested all the branches and leaves. I got too close and ended up getting pelted with cicadas! (Alright, maybe it was just one. But having that thing hit me in the back was terrifying! Really!) I would have taken a picture of it for you, but I'm afraid to leave my damn house, you guys.



In other, cat related, news, Luanne had to have a bit of what I'm calling spa time over the Memorial Day weekend. And by spa time I mean time in the hospital from Friday night through Monday afternoon.

I had taken her to the vet specialist for some tests Friday morning. He took blood and did x-rays to make sure nothing else appeared to be wrong, since she's been lethargic and still isn't eating on her own. Then, he called me around 4 p.m. to tell me all her levels looked fine, except for her being anemic. Before I had a chance to ask where to get cat iron pills, he told me she'd need a blood transfusion. SAAAAAAAAAAAAY WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!

So, since they're closed on weekends, HUBS and I had to head off to yet another vet specialist hospital so Luanne could get her some spankin' new kitty blood. The doc thinks the anemia was caused by some blood borne bacteria or parasite that can lay dormant for quite a while. She got sick, her immune system was compromised and the bastard kicked in.

I take her back to our usual specialist tomorrow so they can recheck her levels, because she's still not eating on her own or moving around much. And now? Now she's also peed without going to the litter box twice. I'm afraid to let the chick sit down anywhere without a towel under her. Dammit...

I SURRENDER LUANNE'S HEALTH TO THE DIVINE!
I SURRENDER LUANNE'S HEALTH TO THE DIVINE!
I SURRENDER LUANNE'S HEALTH TO THE DIVINE!

Make Money Spending Money

It's early. 5:33 a.m. to be exact, and I've been up for about an hour. Luanne had another, totally unexpected (and expensive) issue pop up yesterday and Shakes (the other stray we took in at the same time) is acting funny and will likely need a vet visit sometime this week. Also, HUBS worked on my beloved Jezebel, but it was no use. I will need a new laptop. Long story short, I was having trouble sleeping as worries crept into my head.

One thing I meant to do yesterday but didn't have time for was to check out Ebates, so I did that first thing this morning. Uh, did you guys know that you can get some cra-za-zee cash back shopping through that site? Magazines.com, for instance, has 26% cash back! That's ridiculous! If you subscribe to a lot of magazines that'll really add up.

As usual, I'm late to the party. But now that I know, here I come free money!

Oh, Oprah. I'm Loving You All Over Again

Photo here.

Well, I wasn't up at 3 a.m. to watch the last Oprah show, but it's playing again now and I love what I'm seeing. Just Lady O giving thanks and one last round of life lessons. I would have rather had the past three episodes like this instead of the two glittery shows.

Now I'm going to miss her! I will definitely be getting every issue of her magazine from the library now. Until we meet again, indeed.

If you're still teary-eyed over Oprah ending, enjoy this monologue from Craig Ferguson. He pokes some fun at The O at the 1:55 mark.

Recent Indignities

A young, pageant-winning Lady O. Photo from here.

Do you guys do Oprah? Did you catch the two day lovegasm with all the famous people in the stadium filled with fans? I'm not sure I liked it.

And, it's not that I don't like Oprah. I lurves me some Oprah. It's also not the fact that she had all the famous people come out and say how amazing she is; shit, she is amazing! I think it's just that, even if she really is friends with most of those glitterati and they really do capital-L-love love her, I couldn't tell it from many of them by watching those shows.

Now, I know the producers wanted things to go smoothly and be interesting, and for them not to all say the same damn stuff, but, for the most part, none of their words seemed to really come from the heart. They all read from the teleprompter and it didn't even (mostly) sound like their own words/feelings. Mostly? It all felt a bit canned. Oh well, today's last episode was preempted due to new tornadic activity, but I'll be up at 3 a.m. to watch the finale when it airs. We'll see if that hits an emotional touchstone for me.



Speedos? Really self-assured in our flabby old age, aren't we? Photo here.

In other news, this Ah-nold screwing-the-help stuff is killing me. How dare he! Right? And, how dare she! I mean, dammit, now I'll never be able to watch Terminator, Total Recall or Running Man without being slapped (figuratively, ahem) in the face by his errant Austrian adultering penis! Damn you, Ah-nold! Damn you for ruining some classic sci-fi! (And, you know, your family.)

Music Monday: Can We Please Be Done With Tornadoes Now?

Holy Nature Fuck! I cannot remember a worse tornado season than this one, seeing as how we started back on New Year's Eve with devastating storms and have barely had a breather since. HUBS and I and our folks have been incredibly blessed to have had every major storm in Missouri miss us. If you want to donate to help out any of the Missouri tornado victims from this year, you can do so here.

We also seem to be having a lot of earthquakes and other natural disasters around the world, don't we? It feels like every couple of weeks something major is happening somewhere that we can't control. The world may not have ended on Saturday, but doesn't seem like we're slowly falling apart?

Also falling apart? Our computers here at Citygirl Headquarters. My beloved laptop, Jezebel (I told you I love naming things), has been largely unreliable for months now. Sunday brought us a shocker, though, when HUBS turned his computer on, heard a pop and then saw smoke. The video card in his computer literally blew up! Never in a million years would I have guessed that his computer would explode before Jezebel! Never!

How's about we watch some music videos to take our minds off the terrible, Mmmkay?

Again With My Imagination

The mind is king. Or, to be more accurate, my mind is king. In my tiny corner of the world, at least. I may be a partially employed freelance writer/photographer in reality, but my imagination has other ideas. In my mind, I do everything.

I write and produce and star in awesome movies that everyone loves. I create cool TV shows. I offer sage and heavily sought after advice. I give good blog and make money doing it. I photograph things people want on their walls. I'm (at least) bilingual. I can keep my home photogenic but still livable and cook nightly and save gobs of money and travel wildly and splurge on $200 purses once in a while and still pay all our bills on time.

And? And I never gave up all those instruments I used to play. And? And maybe I sing a bit. And? Ok! You got me! Maybe in my head I have yet another life as a glamorous lead singer in a cooler than shit band. Just maybe.

I love naming things. And as such, I've been coming up with band names for years, but never wrote them down until this month. So, just in case I'm ever in a cool band, here are some things we could name ourselves. (Depending, of course, on the nature of the cool-ass music we performed.)

Band Up!

1) Improbable Band Project
2) Dirty Knickers
3) Knuckle Fuck
4) Now & Noon
5) Bum Puppet
6) Sunset Dolls
7) Panty Melt
8) Midget Finger
9) Lesbian Centers of Commerce
10) Rare Bullshit Philosophy

Oh, I've got more, mind you. But, I don't want to give everything away in one shot.

What would you name your awesome-cool band?

Tuesday Tipday: Unsick Your Cat!

As you know I've been dealing with some mighty stubborn sick cat issues for the past six weeks or so. And, as of last Friday the kittens all have upper respiratory illnesses. We had to take them to the vet on Sunday to get antibiotics for them. (This would have been a complete budget buster, by the by, had I not lobbied to pay only one visit fee and then presented a coupon I found for our vet that gave us a free initial kitten exam. Meaning? All we had to pay for was the $11.40 medicine. Yes, my friends, couponing works.) They're still wheezy, sneezy and runny, but at least they are a lot more energetic than over the weekend. I take this as a positive sign.

Luanne still has her feeding tube in because she's refusing to go to food and just eat on her own. If I bring her food and water, she'll partake, but has rarely gone to sustenance willingly. Also, she keeps throwing up tiny amounts of food or water once or twice a week. After about a week of no vomiting, yesterday and today she puked again. But, this time? I noticed string in the vomit, i.e. she's actually ingesting that sweater they keep her in (to hide the feeding tube) when she cleans herself. So! Yay for additional issues!

I say all of this to lead you into a brief sick cat maintenance tutorial, via my two years experience with caked up kitty eyes, snotty noses, baby wipes, backside cleanings, forced feedings and worry filled nights.



SICK CAT 101

1) Pay close attention. Have they been sneezing? Are they congested? Do they seem to be eating and playing the same? If you've got a congested cat who doesn't seem to be eating much, get them to the vet ASAP. If they don't eat enough they could end up with fatty liver disease, which can be deadly but is easily treated if caught early.

2) Tricks to get your kitty buddy to eat. Things that might work are changing up their normal diet by adding super smelly wet food and heating it up to really release the odors or even adding clam juice/tuna juice to dry food to up the funk factor for their little noses. I've also heard that pumpkin is something cats like, so you can try enticing them with a bit of that. Just try to get them to eat something. But, make sure not to give them anything with onions or garlic, they have severe reactions to them, which would make the situation a shit ton worse.

3) Syringe feeding is an option. Alas, it is not an easy one. There will likely be much struggling, no matter how much they actually end up liking the food you're forcing on them. Be sure to get syringes and food amounts from your vet so you feed them enough to maintain their weight and health. Hill's Science Diet has the perfect food for this. Scoop it into the syringe and hold the cat steady, making sure their butt is up against something so they can't back away. Put a hand on the cat's head so you can press each side of their jaw with a finger simultaneously. Once you do this the jaw will open easier and you can squeeze the food in. Massaging the cat's neck will encourage them to swallow and not spit out their gruel. Ha! We know tricks, you squirmy felines!

4) Dammit! Nunna that shit worked. Now what? You might need to get them a peg tube. This will make feeding them and giving them water/medicine a lot easier, since you won't be forcing stuff down their throat. Be prepared for an expensive procedure (Luanne's cost $1,340), and some up keep in addition to actual feedings. You'll likely get extremely detailed instructions from your vet, but the biggest things are making sure to flush the tube with a set amount of water before and after feeding, being sure the feeding process lasts for at least 20 minutes and cleaning the tube with hydrogen peroxide at least twice a day. When cleaning, get in there really good and wipe the tube and stomach down so that no gunk cakes up (and it will if neglected).

Phew! now, aside from all that, keep doing whatever you usually do with your cat. Petting them, playing with them, talking to them and watching King of Queens reruns with them. You want to keep them as calm and comfortable as possible while they recover.

So, I hope this helps. But, really, I hope you never need this info. Having sick pets sucks all kinds of ass. Yes, sir. All. Ass.

Citygirl Bites! Bar Louie

Someone is enjoying his mojito, alright.

I have never claimed to be a food snob. Some people would actually scoff at going to a chain restaurant, and I can't for the life of me figure out why. Does the place look clean? Is stuff well-priced? Is the food good, for heaven's sake? Then why pretend like it's beneath you, really?

A couple of weeks ago HUBS and I hit up our local Bar Louie for happy hour. We've been there several times since we moved near one a few years back, and the food is always good. Since we were trying to save money, we got three appetizers and shared them. Two were happy hour specials, so they were cheeeeeeeaaaap!



We love the loaded fries, but decided to get the tots this time because we hadn't had them before. As usual, they were super fattening and amazingly good. I only wish that the tots had been cooked a little longer so they'd stand up to the cheese sauce better. Though, it's not like they were a soggy mess or anything.



We also shared their bruschetta. We get this almost every time we go to Bar Louie; it's some of the best bruschetta ever in the history of the world. And, it's served in a giant martini glass! Yay!



This was the piece de resistance. Their mini veggie pizza. Now, there's mushrooms on it, which I despise, but HUBS was having a hard day, so I got this for him. (He loves the fungi. Oh yes, he does.) After picking off the 'shrooms, I can tell you that this was great pizza. Perfect crust, perfect sauce, and the veggies were cooked just right.


The drink in question.

HUBS loves him a good beverage. And, like I mentioned earlier, he'd had one of those shitty days that are so common when you work with other people on a regular basis. He came home frustrated, hungry and needed to get his buzz on. He chose their mojito and was happier for it.

See, ain't nuthin wrong wit a chain.

Happy Friday, my peeps!

Today Is The Kind Of Day...

Photo

...Where I get up in the morning, cover my nethers and under-boob in cucumber scented baby powder and sit under as many fans as possible. It's only 10:11 a.m., but it's already 80 degrees. Whaaaaaat?? With 69% humidity. Dammit!

I, of course, realize it's not as hot as it could be, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about this.

Music Monday: Happy Mother's Day!

Miller and a kitten in my bass drum.

I know I have to apologize for 'radio silence' a lot on this blog, but I want you all to know that I really do appreciate your reading, viewing, commenting and following. As much as I love the internet and blogging, I frequently need tech breaks to clear my head, watch a movie or, I don't know, read or some shit.

Did all the mothers and people with mothers they like enjoy Sunday's holiday? I certainly hope you did! HUBS and I took my mom out for BBQ at our absolute favorite place, Pappy's Smokehouse. We only spent 35 bucks and got a shit-ton of food! I love that!

PT had never been to this place before, but she really liked her food. We all ended up with leftovers, which is beyond awesome. HUBS and I were tired from some ghetto-living drama the night before so we only stayed at her place about an hour after getting back from dinner. (Some dork knuckle on the street behind us decided to fire off a shot gun. Not cool dork knuckle. Not cool at all.)

I regret that I left my mom's modest gift at home. You know how you mean to grab stuff on the way out the door, but manage to forget anyway? That's what happened. I got her a book and some supplies she can use in the computer class she's been taking, I figure I can take them to her this week, though.

In other news, Luanne was supposed to have her feeding tube taken out today. But, she got sick yesterday and didn't appear to eat or drink anything. She was really lethargic yesterday and today, though she did eat this morning when I brought food to her. So, we'll see. If you believe in praying for sick cats to get better, I'd love it if you could put a good word in for our little Luanne cat.

That's all for now. Enjoy this Sade video from the early '90s that has nothing to do with motherhood! Woooo!!!

Happy Friday! Finally Royal Free

I swear I don't have anything against William and...What's her name? Kate? I really do hope they're happy and all that jazz. But, my God! Every entertainment and news show has been taken over by this royal wedding stuff. They're finally married now, so, you know, I'd kinda like to get back to our usual actual fluffy, entertainmenty stories.

We need to hear more about how Two and a Half Men can go on without the crazy that is Sheen.

I need someone to talk to The Rock on camera about playing Charlie Pride in a country music biopic. (He doesn't look anything like the man!)

Come on, entertainment shows! Let us be embarrassed for M. Night Shyamalan and Keanu Reeves en masse.

Give us spoilers on finales of all our favorite TV shows.

We need to hear about the crotch tattoos, stage parent quotes and see the fake penises and drunk Paula Deen pics.

Phew! I'm glad I got that off my chest! Since those two are finally wedded up, can things get back to America-has-no-royals normal, please?

I Guess What They Say Is True

I've been reorganizing our bookshelves for about a month now, trying to get us down to three in an effort to reduce the amount of crap in our former sitting area. Today while I was cleaning off a long-neglected shelf I came upon some headshots I took in '99 while I was trying to be an actor.



Long story short? I was hot! But, of course, at the time I had no idea I looked even remotely presentable. I doubt I was even wearing makeup (except for lipstick), 'cause I didn't really futz with the stuff back then. The old adage is right, we don't know what we've got 'til it's gone. (Not that I'm some hideous troll woman now. I just mean that it would be nice to have that thin face - and body - again. Ya know?)

What do you wish you had appreciated about yourself when you were younger?

Music Monday! Dreary Day Cure

Man alive! It's been raining almost non-stop since Friday. Friday, people. When we had some pretty serious tornadoes rip through St. Louis and surrounding areas, including the airport. Amazingly, no one was killed or very badly hurt. I guess it really was a Good Friday in some ways.

I've had quite the productive day. I finally hooked my scanner back up after getting a new power cord from Canon, and was more than pleased to find it working again. I cannot tell you how glad I am to not have to shell out for a new scanner, especially since it's obvious that my laptop is on its last legs.

Also, I got some legwork done so I can start my interviews back up this week, cleared some contest stuff off my desk, did some preliminary homework on a possible vacation, took a long-ass nap, figured out something quick to make for dinner and even exercised for 20 minutes. Yay, getting shit done!

Hope you all had a gloriously restful, family filled Easter.

A Lot...And Yet, Not So Much

Luanne: our little Elizabethan poet.

Well, my holy fucking Lord. This has been quite a couple of weeks. I'm gonna break things down into bullet points so my weary mind can process the info as easily as possible.

-Kitten Update: They opened their eyes last week on the same day I took Luanne to the vet specialist. Today I noticed that one of them was cleaning a paw, so they're starting to pick up good kitty habits. Also last week? Miller's kitty mama instincts kicked into high gear and she moved the kittens from the safe, clean, padded box we made for her.

I heard kitty yelping and went downstairs to find that Miller had somehow moved the box a good 15 feet. The box was upside down and her BlackKitten was half trapped underneath. I moved the box and she ran off with BlackKitten. Where did she move them, you're wondering? To my 20 year old base drum that can best be described as a dusty bug graveyard. Oh, well. At least they're all safe.



-Luanne Update: I took Luanne to the specialist last Tuesday and was told that she simply wasn't getting enough food or water via forced syringe. We had to have a feeding tube installed. It made feeding and giving her water a lot easier. Luckily she hasn't had any complications from the surgery.

As I was in the waiting room, I noticed that her left eye was cloudy. I started to panic, and, naturally, my mind went straight to cancer: What the fuck! God, please don't let her have retinoblastoma! What if that's really why she stopped eating! Please don't let her go blind!

Guess what else happened? After we spent almost $2,000 getting her a feeding tube and fancy diagnostic tests she decided to start eating again. The. Very. Next. DAY. That's our little Luanne cat. Perfect fuckin' timing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's doing a bit of eating on her own. But, that procedure took up a huge chunk of living expenses. And! Feeding her via tube, while easier, is still no picnic. For a few days I was doing 4 feedings a day, plus cleaning the opening in her belly twice a day. There's a whole specific procedure that goes along with this thing. It's time consuming and tiring.

The specialist had given her a new antibiotic and after one dose of that fucker she could smell her food and was basically back to breathing normally. Obviously, if she ever gets sick again, we're going right for the Zeniquin. We're now down to two feedings a day, thank God. Hopefully, within the next week or so, we can get her tube taken out.

-Me Update: I'm not sure what exact parameters are used when people say "I threw my back out," but I do know that last Thursday, Friday and Saturday I was in an awesome amount of pain. Until the incident I was doing pretty good. I'd done some stretching and yoga Thursday morning and was feeling sort of strong and capable and less tired. Then I took a couch nap. When I tried to get up a couple of hours later I moved funny or twisted wrong or somehow angered God Almighty and the Devil, because I was suddenly fucked.

Every position hurt: sitting, standing, bending, laying on my stomach, back or either side, moving or being still. I took two Excedrin, which did precisely N.O.T.H.I.N.G. and went to bed in semi-agony. I returned to my old standby, Advil, Friday morning and was hoping to have a relatively easy day of feedings and nappings to rest my back. Especially since I had to get up at the ass fucking crack of dawn ( I've said fuck a lot in this post, haven't I? Indeed, and it's completely appropriate in every instance. Word.) to take Julia in to get fixed. (By the way, that surgery went fine. Except for the tapeworm they had to call me about that afternoon. Yay! Additional expenses!)

Not so fast, Jackson! I was almost done with Luanne's first feeding when the food stopped going through the tube and the syringe kept popping out and spewing food all over the place. I tried massaging the tube where it met her skin, like her nurse suggested if the tube got blocked. But, it didn't work. They also suggest forcing 5 to 10 cc's of carbonated beverage into the tube to help clear it. Guess who didn't have any soda in the house? Can you also guess who had to get her hurtin' ass to Walmart and looked like a crack head while doing so? Ooh, you guys ah wicked smaaaaat.

I also had to rush Luanne back to the specialist when her tube got blocked again on Monday. This time I really couldn't fix it. They had to loosen the flange that keeps the tube from slipping too far in. Luckily, her weight was good, her eyes were mostly cleared and her nurse gave me an A for keeping things clean. That's all amazingly good news, but we all know that sudden doctor's appointments are stressful, right? I will be so, so glad when everyone is totally healthy again.

Speaking of which, I was also constipated for about a week. I know, I know! Y'all just love to hear about constipation. It fills your hearts and makes your lives sing! My point is that I think stress and back pain caused it. Isn't it horrible how stress and pain fuck with all kinds of things that aren't directly related to the stressor, or the area of pain?

On the up side, A couple of days ago I started feeling like a real person again. I even exercised for over a half hour yesterday. EEee!

-HUBS Update: We haven't had sex in over a month. I feel really bad about it, but I also feel too tired and bothered with other stuff to give sex any effort. A therapist might help, but that shit ain't free, unfortunately.

God, I'm tired just going over it all. Enjoy your Thursday night TV folks! And, as always, thanks for listening.

Music Monday! Phew...

Let's see:

- Luanne is still sick and is going to see a specialist tomorrow morning. Cost for just the appointment? $120.

- I got an email this morning that the mom of my friend from college who was the lady of honor at my wedding (matron sounded too old) has kidney cancer was having surgery today.

- Tux won't stop hissing at Julia whenever we bring him upstairs to integrate him into the rest of the cat population.

- I'm exhausted from taking care of Luanne, never
feel like cooking and therefore we're spending way too much money eating out.

- I'm damn near out of anytime minutes on my cell until the 20th.

- My feet will not stop stinking! I swear, I shower and they just laugh at me.

- Gas prices are expected to get to $4 this summer. You know, soon.

- People are paying good money to see Charlie Sheen do nothing special on stage when some actors and musicians are dying to get time on any stage anywhere.

- Japan had another earthquake.

- I feel blobby.

Sure, some of these things are a lot worse than the others, but dammit I need to be uplifted!

It's hard to feel like crap when you watch Pocoyo. Bask in the glow, y'all.

Citygirl Bites! Plush Pig Barbeque

We here at Citygirl headquarters lurve us some BBQ. By the time Sunday rolled around we needed sauced up meat like never before. So, we headed to the Plush Pig to see their new digs in Rock Hill. The last time we dined with them, their place was in Clayton and we had just lost a lawsuit against the former owner of our house (long story, y'all).



I got the rib tips and fries, plus sides of cole slaw and green beans. Man, that was disappointing. It wasn't inedible, but, you know how you build something up and then when you finally get to it it's just...meh? That's how this was. The tips were kinda fatty and none of the food was actually hot when it got to me. And we all know that lukewarm fries are meh, right? The waitress originally brought the wrong sides, but when I finally got the ones I ordered, they were ok.



HUBS ordered the sausage and meat cmbo with baked beans and potato salad. I didn't try any of his meat (heh, heh, heh) but he said the meal had a similar effect on him. It was edible, but didn't burn him to the ground and make him want to go back to the Plush Pig anytime soon. Even the baked beans, which I can honestly say were some of the best in St. Louis, were really good but not amazing, like I remembered them.

I don't know what happened. Is there a new cook? Are they preparing stuff differently? Were our tasebuds deformed the first couple of times we ate there? I don't think we'll be going back to the Plush Pig. Bandana's has much better food for a similar price point, plus they have several locations and whip fast service.

And...We Have Kittens!

She did indeed have them on Monday. There's also a black one who had just vaulted over Miller's back to get to a nipple. Wrong way, dude!

I'll have more pics when they're less blind and wiggly.

Music Monday! I Don't Believe I'm Thinking Correctly

I can honestly say that I would like for everyone who cares about animals even the tiniest bit to pray for our little Luanne cat. I thought we were going to have to hospitalize her today, but the doctor said we were doing such a good job force feeding and watering and medicating her that it wouldn't be worth the money, since they'd just do the exact same stuff.

The vet said it's possible that the antibiotic shot they gave her was ineffective because her body only reacts to the stuff that made her well when we first got her. So, she gave me some of that, told me to up her water intake and said that if Luanne wasn't better in two to three days she'd set us up with a specialist to do some fancy, outrageously expensive tests.

Again? Please pray that this new drug will work, Luanne's nose will clear up, she'll smell her food and eat/drink on her own like a good little kitty girl.



In other news, I forgot to tell you guys that we took in a fifth cat. I know! I. KNOW. But we couldn't take the chance that Miller would get picked up by Trapper and then put down just because she's pregnant. So, on Friday morning of the week Trapper was taking all the strays, we pulled her into the house before anyone could see.

The kicker is that while all this Luanne stuff was going on today (that vet appointment took two full hours) Miller was busy preparing to give birth. I went into the basement to do laundry and noticed that Miller's water was slowly breaking as she moved around. She finally laid in the box we made for her and began...flexing? Yeah, let's just call it flexing.



That was an hour and a half ago. I had to come up to eat and haven't checked back yet, but I figure we'll have kittens by morning. EEEEEEeeeee! My delirium is right...

Recent Obsessions: 100% Dark Amber, Bitches!

Did you guys know about real, 100% pure maple syrup? What? You did? And you didn't tell me!? Geez...and I thought we were friends.

When I heard on Dr. Oz that the real stuff has all kinds of nutrients and other goodnesses (yes, that's what I said) I decided we could at least give it a try. The problem was that the real stuff is kinda expensive as food items go.

They can't just throw some high fructose corn syrup, maple essence and caramel color together to get it. Oh, no. They've got to tap a tree at the right time of year and then clean out the nature gunk, or some such shit. That takes work, so you have to pay for it.

Well, we finally had the cash and low syrup reserves last week to spring for the real stuff. Let me tell you, if you don't know. That. Is. Some. Awe. FUCKING. SHIT! It was better than any stupid 'pancake syrup' I've ever had. And it wasn't just syrupy. It tasted like there was nutmeg, vanilla, cinnamon and other spicy goodness floating around in there. Just...so so so so so damn good!

I don't believe I can go back to the fake stuff. No sir.