Tuesday Tipday: How To Make The World Seem Less Horrible

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There are times when it all gets to be too much. Even if your life is going pretty good, it can be difficult not to become obsessed with the screwy stuff going on around you. Anxiety about the state of things can lead to a host of physical and mental issues. Sometimes, a glass of wine at dinner just isn't enough.

Here are some tips to keep your brain from overloading on the deep and overwhelming problems of the world.

5 Ways To Make The World Feel Less Shitty

1) Stop paying attention, already: My first journalism class in college made us watch the news every night as homework. It wasn't long before the horrors of the mid-1990s were keeping me up at night. I simply knew too much. As soon as I finished that class I was done with the nightly news. It took me years to watch again on a regular basis. And you know what? You don't need to worry about not knowing enough, because the big stories will still get through. So give the constant CNN watching/political website reading/thrice daily major newspaper readings a break. Just long enough for your mind to stop spinning.

2) Focus your attention: No one person can do something about everything. Pick the stuff that most bothers you or that you feel you can work on the best and concentrate on helping with those issues. Volunteer at a food pantry. Raise money for homeless animals. Work at a non-profit that helps abused children. See? Don't you feel less scattered, angry and scared now?

3) Stop talking to her: Don't look at me like that, you know exactly who I mean! Anyone who's had more than one friend or close acquaintance in life recognizes The Negativity Queen. She doesn't just call to vent. She calls because her world is coming to an end and she needs your help. NOW. She calls after waking up from a drunken stupor and realizing her roommate shaved off all her vagina hair and she should probably move. With your help. In the next hour.

It doesn't even matter if she's making bad choices that lead to these catastrophes or if the bad just seems to follow her unassuming person around. Don't respond to the emails or return the calls for a bit. You've got stuff going on too, and there's nothing wrong with tending to your own business without someone else's drama clouding your mind. And yes, The Negativity Queen can be a guy. So, the next time you get a message from your buddy Frank about how his wife found out he cheated on him, threw his things into the driveway and set them on fire and he needs a place to crash; it's OK to pretend you're out of town.

4) Stress is for people named Ridge: I think there's a kernel in many of us that watches the news and goes, Crap. At least my life isn't that bad! The problem, of course, is that you're using another person's real misery to pump yourself up a little. I have a better idea, one that's helped me tremendously: Melodrama. A good soap opera or tear-jerker will give you the same result without actual lives being in ruins. Search for "soap opera death scenes", "soap opera fights" or "soap opera revelations" on Youtube. You'll feel better in no time.

5) Relax, worry gets you nowhere: I know, it's not easy to stop the crazy train once it gets going. That's how I had a panic attack in a grocery store parking lot after realizing I'd left my coupon book somewhere. But, if you can head the train off when you hear the gears starting up you'll be a lot better off. Have that wine. Watch a funny movie. Read a trashy magazine. Find what calms you and use it to stop the torrent of anxiety that's bubbling up. Sometimes the little things really can help.

Music Monday: What In The Natural Hell

He won't be blowing any horns today...

Hello, all. Did you have good weekends? I certainly hope so, because I need to share a small story with you.

Yes, I took a blog break last week. That is not foremost in my mind right now. What is? The crazy morning I had in the first hour and 15 minutes of my day.

I woke up at 8:45. The first thing I noticed upon opening the bedroom door was that one of our cats had expelled a bit of furball. Not unusual for this lot. I commenced to checking all the carpet and pillows and furniture for more traces (Tux tends to start in one spot and then proceed to carry on all over the house), then headed to the bathroom for more inspection.

I parted the blinds to do my daily check of the garden, since I was near a garden-facing window. Wow, what did I see, you ask? A FREAKING DEAD ANIMAL LAYING RIGHT IN MY GARDEN. NEAR MY FUCKING VEGETABLES!

Now, in the past year I've seen two dead mice in the yard. One was even headless. That, however did not prepare me for what appeared to be a poor dead rabbit in the garden. Not. At. All.

I was honestly quite shaken and feeling a bit sick to my stomach. What happened? Why didn't whatever killed the poor thing carry it off and finish it? What if it was eating from my garden and something in there killed it?

More likely, there was a life and death struggle in my back yard sometime overnight. And we didn't hear it.

Actually, now that I think about it, hearing it wouldn't have done any good. If I'd heard a struggle in our back yard (which was pitch black last night), I wouldn't have gone out there. Who does that? Only big-boobed, blond horror movie women.

HUBS and I went out to get it up. Then, as soon as we open the back door, what do I see? TWO BIG-ASS FUCKING SNAKES RIGHT BY THE DECK! One had part of it's body in our basement window.

JESUS, NATURE! LEAVE ME ALONE, ALREADY! I GET IT, YOU RUN THIS BITCH!!

I was primed to stay on the deck, but HUBS couldn't get the rabbit on the shovel, so I had to go help him. Which, of course, meant that as soon as I stepped into our snake infested yard and got near him, he got the damn rabbit on the shovel (the poor thing died with it's eyes open).

We got it into a black trash bag I'd lined with grocery bags and poured vinegar over it to try to make sure nothing would mess with it before we could get the sanitation department out here to pick it up.

The only lucky moment? It waited to rain until after we got back inside. Well, that, and I suppose it was lucky that we didn't actually see the bunny I'm gong to call Bernard get attacked. Because, crap, what would we have done about that?

Wow, thanks for letting me vent. Music, now?

Music Monday: Wow, I Clearly Need A New Weeding Method

Have you ever done just the right amount of physical work at just the right time so that you wake up feeling fuzzy headed, sore and totally spent the next day? Well, that's clearly what I've done, because I have not been right today. Let's see if some music will help us feel better...











There. I almost feel more alert now. How about you?

Happy Friday!

Things have cooled off considerably in St. Louis the past couple of days, which figures since I just wrote a post on how to keep your ass from sweating off when it's outrageously hot. HUBS and I will be holed up inside tomorrow in honor of our neighborhood's annual raucous homecoming. I'm really looking forward to catching up on Downton Abbey and just chillin' (Do people still say that? No? Ahh, well, such is life.)

Here's some cool stuff I found online this week.

1) All the TV addicts out there will like this wrap up of the 2011-2012 season.

2) Do any of you ladies read sci fi/fantasy lady fiction? I've only read two books in the genre and I still enjoyed the Vaginal Fantasy Hangout.

3) Going outside can make you happier, more creative and more focused. Also, letting your mind wander might not be such a bad thing.

4) The White Girl Problems twitter feed. Go. Now!

5) Maybe you and your boss don't get along, but things likely won't get as heated as the contentious relationships these actors had with their directors.

There. If the weather's nice go sit outside and get more creative this weekend as your mind wanders.

Unnecessary Government Decisions

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By now you've likely heard that Mayor Bloomberg wants to turn NYC into an area somewhat free of large sugary drinks.

I understand his motives, but we all know this is bullshit, right? As has been said many times today, there's nothing to stop someone from buying two or more smaller drinks. Or, for that matter, buying a giant bottle of their favorite evil drink at WalMart and pouring it into a travel mug as needed.

But, there's something bigger that bothers me about this. When will people learn that we need to be allowed to make our own bad decisions, especially when those decisions don't hurt anyone else?

The way I see it, everything is a muscle. If you never pick anything up, you'll eventually lose the ability to pick things up because you aren't strong enough. The more basic, personal choices are regulated and taken away from us, the more I believe people will lose the ability to decide simple things for themselves. The less we use our brains, the worse off we all are.

Also, let's not pretend it'll cost nothing to regulate every cup of sugary whatever at every convenience store, gas station, sit down eatery and fast food joint in NYC. The local government will get bigger, sillier and more expensive. Which always leads to needing more tax dollars. Which leads to people having less of their income to spend and businesses having less money to hire and pay workers.

And, let's not forget that anything milk based is exempt from this proposed move. Because we all know that milkshakes are essentially a health food.

I'm going to say something now that's going to sound really bitchy and horrible. Here it goes:

Remember way, way back when all governments did was fight wars and make sure folks didn't murder each other in the street for no reason? If you made a bunch of really dumb-ass decisions in a row at least one of three things would happen: you'd get sick/become incapacitated, you'd die or someone would kill you. You would, in some way, be rendered unable to reproduce anymore and your particular brand of shitty, bad-choice-making genes would be wiped from the Earth. Likely providing a very good lesson to anyone who watched you do stupid shit and then cease to exist.

An example? On Sunday night I had a Whopper, small fries and a small soda for dinner. Monday, HUBS made burgers and fries at home for lunch. Tuesday? I was sick as a dog. Message received. Never again for me.

I'm not saying that we should never help anyone out ever. I am saying that if, in 2012, you're an adult who doesn't know or care that having a lot of sugary drinks isn't good for you, maybe you should be allowed to get sick because of it. Maybe it'll teach you something when you become diabetic and need to have your foot amputated. Just. Maybe.

And, fuck, if you don't get the point then what are we supposed to do with you? Assign a government appointed health Nazi to keep you on the straight and narrow?

I can't imagine that would be cheap.

A Nice Thought

Tuesday Tipday: How To Stay Cool

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How To Stay Cool Outside When You'd Rather Be Riding Someone's A/C Unit

Now that we've had our unofficial start to summer it's time to consider summer's greatest challenge: enjoying our days without passing out from heat exhaustion.

I know what you're thinking, I've never gotten heat exhaustion, why would it hit me now. To that I say, you never know, friend. You just. Never. Know.

1) Nighttime is the right time: For that matter, so is the early morning. If you really must be outside, leave the comfort of your air conditioner as early or late as possible. Mornings around 5 or 6 am tend to be the coolest. An 102 degree night will still be unpleasant, but at least the blasted sun won't be slapping the shit out of you at the same time. This is why I'll spend the next few months watering and weeding my garden at increasing late hours. Citygirl ain't no fool.

2) You + Water = BFF: Even if you're not working outside (Hello, road crews!) you still need to stay hydrated. Unless you keep cool by panting like a dog, ingestible liquids are your best friend. Fill up a huge travel mug or thermos with ice and water, put it in the freezer a few minutes before take off and sip throughout your travels. Tired of water? Add lemon,limes or cucumber. Slip inside someplace cool and have a soda, Slurpee or Frosty. Just don't let yourself dry out. That's when things get dangerous.

3) Your car is an oven; don't stand for it: I don't have A/C in my car anymore. The single most important thing I've learned to do (other than bringing a frosty beverage)? Roll the windows down the morning I'm going somewhere. This will help even if you are blissfully supplied with cool, cool forced air to your vehicle. Letting air flow through your car will keep it cooler. Just roll the windows up and turn on the air when you're ready to roll. If you just can't bear the idea of leaving your unattended car with the windows open, I just read a cool tip on Lifehacker for getting the hot air outquickly.

4) The world is an oven; baste accordingly: I'm not talking about sunscreen, although applying a cooling one about 30 minutes before you head into the sun could certainly help. I'm talking about your choice of clothing. Please, for your own good, wear the lightest possible clothes you can. Light in weight and light in color. I've got some white linen pants that save my life every summer. And, don't be afraid to carry your own shade with you. Men! Get a lightly colored umbrella. Women! You have many parasol choices. Both! Wear an open weave hat already.

5) Stay out of the sun; that is all: If you don't know by now, keep to the shade and shadows when walking around on a hellishly hot day. I go out of my way on a regular basis to stay away from direct sunlight. This includes staying in the house when it's too hot for my delicate sensibilities. Whatever works, people!

There, now you're fully prepared for the summer. I'm going to continue sitting inside my A/C filled house. How about you?

Happy Friday: Doing A New Thing

Julia's not so sure...

Well, I finally did it. I finally joined the millions of tweeting twits on Twitter! Yay for new things, right? I have to say, I've only been on the site for about 24 hours, but I think I'm already getting addicted. Which is something I in no way thought would transpire. At all. Isn't it nice to surprise yourself?

Ok, so, as soon as I find my directions on how to add social media buttons to my blog, I'll add a twitter button over there in my sidebar. Oh, and also? I'm on Instagram now, too. Just look for rockygirl3 and the same photo as the one under About Me A Little. Now! To the internet!

1) All the creatives out there can benefit from A 5-Step Technique for Producing Ideas via Brain Pickings.

2) Exercising without sweating? Yes, please.

3) Can't get an invite to Pinterest but want to track your shopping obsessions? Try Currently Obsessed.

4) Any television fiend needs as many places to get spoilers and news as possible. TVLine is a great addition for you.

5) Ever wonder how A List actors spend their copious dough? This NY Mag report from late January breaks things down nicely.

There, my lovelies! It's gonna be a hot one this weekend, so stay inside, do some reading and enjoy the AC.

Dammit Robin!

I know it's been a few days now since Robin Gibb lost his battle with cancer. If you haven't heard the glory that is How Deep is Your Love, you should play the above video right now. It's in my personal top 20 of favorite songs.

Now, can our music legends stop dying for a while...Please?

A Little Bit Of Progress

You know what was nice about this weekend? What was nice about this weekend was that, for once, I didn't chicken out of a networking event. On Sunday night I went to a Girlfriend Circles meeting. There were two other women there and we had a good time talking about pets, parenting (even though none of us has kids), jobs and life in general. We even had to be kicked out of the cafe' where we met because we were still there a half hour after they'd closed.

It felt so freakin' good to talk to other women! In person! Even though we're basically strangers! We've already made plans to meetup again late next month. Isn't that cool? I might get some good friends out of this!

I think there was momentum left over from that meeting. I went to a screening for a movie I'm reviewing yesterday morning, and I talked to people! I even got a business card from one guy and sent him an email today.

EXPANSION and CONNECTION can be lovely things.

Happy Friday: What's Come Over Me?

Man, I am fuzzy today. I can hardly stay awake and am hoping it doesn't have anything to do with the odd bug/insect bite on my arm (which I am keeping an eye on and luckily it hasn't gotten worse).

Let's move on to some nifty internet things so you can get out there and have a nice weekend...

1) Did you know that there's a Pinterest-like site just for travel? Enter Trippy.

2) I'm considering bowing to social pressure and joining Twitter. When I do, I'll probably follow most of these folks.

3) If you're looking to build an online portfolio, any of these sites can help you for free.

4) You may have noticed that I'm often neck deep in my own psychological issues. Psych Central is a new discovery I've made that's great for those of us dealing with some thangs...Or for anyone interested in how the mind works.

5) Have you checked me out on Pandora yet? I've got 60 stations that cover oldies, soul, jazz, alternative, rock and a new station dedicated to Donna Summer. Check it out!

Enjoy the weekend, lovelies! I think I'm going to need another nap...

Dammit, Donna!

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Disco lady Donna Summer is gone today. Remember how huge she was in the '70s and early '80s? When I was in college I bought a cassette tape of her greatest hits and wore that sucker out. She was only 63. Let's take a trip back in time, shall we?

Domesticity And The Hulk

I did an amazing amount of cooking yesterday. HUBS and I needed something we could eat for dinner, plus we'd run out of bread so I could make sandwiches for him to take to work and there weren't any interesting sweets in the house. So, at around noon, I just decided to make everything.

The bread was first. I'd been wanting to try making Irish Soda Bread for some time, and since we currently had no bread and no extra cash to buy a loaf, this was the perfect opportunity. One big round mass of bread cut in half makes two loaves perfect for sandwich slices. It's also good warmed up and dipped in my mix of olive oil/cracked pepper/balsamic vinegar/grated Parmesan.

After the bread success, I decided to start on dinner by cooking a small pot of red beans. I have never done the whole soak-beans-overnight-first thing because my mom never did it. You sift through the dried beans to get the crappy ones and any rocks out, set it to boil and leave it for hours. Adding water so they never dry out or burn. Does it take a while? Yeah, I think this pot took roughly six and a half hours. But, if you're like me, you've got plenty of other things to do with that time.

Then I jumped into cleaning lettuce. What's that you say? Why am I cleaning lettuce? Because...It's from my garden! I grew that awesome butter lettuce you see and I'd cut some of it last Friday and needed to get cleaning so it wouldn't wilt to death in my fridge.

Can I share a secret with you? I got tired of washing lettuce long before I finished the gig. Also? There's still a shit-ton of lettuce in the garden. I'm afraid we won't be able to eat it all before it starts to bolt and turns bitter. I don't want the only real crop I have to go to waste! And even if we do eat it all, eventually it will turn cold and I'll have to buy lettuce again. Blah! Unnecessary fears!

My lettuce work turned into a scone making adventure. Back when I was living with my mom I made scones all the time that used yogurt. We don't have any yogurt and I wouldn't have felt like tracking down that recipe anyway, so I used one from Ms. Martha instead. I used half whole wheat flour and added the zest from one lemon to the mix. They turned out superbly and are already on their way to being all ate up.

Then I started on the sofrito. This was another thing I'd been meaning to make for months but hadn't. Since I was trying to think of something different for dinner, this was as good a time as any to jump in. The recipe didn't call for any seasoning other than cilantro (I used dried), so I added some salt and some hot madras curry powder. That did the trick, and you can use sofrito on just about anything.

While the sofrito cooked I watered the garden and pulled some weeds. HUBS came home after I finished my shower and I made noodles while he cleaned the litter boxes. We ate and I felt tired but good. I'd put in an honest day's work and got a lot out of it. Then, it happened.

I was putting the food away so I could go to bed and watch Craig in Scotland. I had a good two cups of sofrito left after using some for dinner. I put the lid on it and was about to walk it over to the refrigerator when...the container flew out of my hand, landed on the floor and spilled half of my sofrito.

Friends, there is nothing I hate more than wasted food. Add to that the fact that I'd used almost all of our tomatoes, my only red pepper and a whole onion...I was irate. I became so angry that it would be fair to say I Hulked Out. I threw a roll of paper towels and accidentally hit Tux. I crumpled up a pie pan and a platic storage bowl. I cursed and screamed and acted like a complete fool. And I couldn't quite stop myself.

At least, I felt like I couldn't. My rational mind, which I guess had worked enough for that day, was totally checked out. My immediate thought was That's what I get for working hard. You work hard and you get shit on anyway so why try?

See? Completely screwed up.

What's worse is that I got so angry I made myself sick to the stomach. Plus, I woke up angry today and had a horrible cuss-filled morning because of it. And that bout of glowing ire literally wore me out. I feel fuzzy headed even after a long nap. I've got a dull ache in my brain that a good meal couldn't even take care of, and it's all because of ONE CUP OF SPILLED SOFRITO.

I am nothing if not a teensy bit fucked up.

Music Monday: Yes!

Feeling a tiny bit like a star in my own little world...

Well, today I put my new Do My Opposite rule into practice and it feels damn good! I've been putting off sending out marketing letters about my writing services for one reason: calling the businesses to get contact names and email addresses.

This morning? I did it! I called five places and got contact info.

I realize that for a normal person, making some phone calls is no big deal. But, for me, it's kinda huge. Especially since I started thinking about doing this last fall. Last fall!

Now, I feel like celebrating. Let's do it!

Happy Friday

The weeks pass so fast, don't they? I remember when I was still an office-goer how long each week seemed on Mondays. Then, no matter how horribly the individual days droned on, suddenly it was Friday and we could all breathe a sigh of relief that we'd have whole days to ourselves.

HUBS and I have nothing of note planned. I'll be going to get my hair did tomorrow and plan to drop off PT's Mother's Day gift. Sunday we'll take Julia to the vet to see about his yearly shots and what's going on with his oddly placed fur loss.

I will try, all in all, to Do My Opposite so the days don't fade away from me surrounded by a cloud of freaked-out-by-doing-new-thingsness. And maybe, just maybe, I'll bake some homemade scones.

Have a great weekend everyone! Hopefully some of these things will make the days more interesting:

1) I just finished reading Girl Walks into a Bar by Rachel Dratch of SNL and King of Queens fame. You will like this book. How do I know? Because one chapter is titled How to Care for Your Fuckin' Baby. Go! Read and enjoy!

2) If you've seen The Avengers (and really, you should), you might enjoy this thank you that director/writer Joss Whedon posted on a fan site.

3) Old school art/photography/design lovers will like the magazine cover archive at Ad Art Gallery.

4) Artsy-cool maps from Stamen include digital watercolors of whatever city you search for.

5) I just discovered Trombone Shorty and think you should get to know him, too:

Fear Itself

He's fearless.

This morning I was reading a job search article which noted some advice from the author of a book called Be Fearless.

Write out a list of all the skills and qualities that got you to where you are. Own them!

I shuddered a bit. He meant, of course, to give readers a way to shore themselves up so they could face future challenges. But, I couldn't help but see it differently.

What skills and qualities have gotten me to a point where I'm unhappy with my career, social life, finances and personal development?

You noticed, I hope, that those are some major life areas. Almost all of them, in fact. It's not good. For every step forward I feel myself sliding backward into an abyss of my own making. The key for me is always fear. It's played a major role in every decision and non-decision of my teen and adult life.

The question, as always, is how do I fight it? How, without the therapy and drugs I can't afford anyway, do I stare fear down and tell it to fuck off?

We know what Nike has been telling us for decades, but when you're racked with anxiety it's hard to even consider beginning something that freaks you out. I'm clearly more afraid of change than I am of dying with things staying the same. Why? Why do I allow it to have such a hold over my life?

Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe I need to let go of my analytical crutch and just Do My Opposite. Say hello to that cool looking person in Panera. Make that cold call. Introduce myself via email to that author. Research that idea. Face the blank page and start writing that story down. Send that script off to agents. Go left when I'd usually go right. Say yes when I would normally say no for no good reason.

Today I'm going to begin to consciously Do My Opposite. Because, this isn't good enough.

How do you become fearless in life?

Well, We're Back Into The Week Now

I know. I haven't posted since last Monday. I suppose I needed a bit of a blog break pre- and post-job interview. I was fine until the night before, on Wednesday. When we happened to be at a Cardinals game. The interview was one of those new-fangled group deals, and while it turned out to be a low-pressure first interview, I had a bit of a panic the night before. I hadn't been on an interview for quite a while and had certainly never done a group interview. The "before" was nerve-wracking in a whole different way.

The interview was fine once it got going, but it was just hot enough on Thursday to ensure that I had no way to arrive at my destination dry and shine free. Oh, well.

I was all prepared to post my usual Music Monday yesterday...And then I had one of those days. You know, the kind of day where you start off early, working hard and getting things done and with concrete plans to get more done. But, after accomplishing some hard stuff, you get mentally and physically worn down and sort of collapse into a soggy heap and vegetate for the next nine hours and 45 minutes. You end up eating too much ice cream and too many potato chips and you go to bed with a headache. Yeah, that kind of day.

HUBS and I had a good weekend, though. I stayed up to 1:30 am on Pinterest Saturday morning. He played a lot of video games. We went to brunch at Jilly's Cupcake Bar on Sunday and then saw The Avengers. And, by the way, both were awesome.

Now that we've got a Tuesday evening to contend with, I'm going to make this recipe and get some crap done. You with me?

Music Monday: Dawn Of A New Era

Today has been good to me, folks. How about you? Of course, this is mostly because I got off my ass and got some stuff done. It feels nice to be busy on my own terms, you know? I've started writing what I like to call 5 Minute Movies. You can reach the first of my posts by clicking on the last tab under my blog header. The easiest way to read it seems to be enlarging your page view until you get a good look at it. Let me know what you think!

I've also taken some pro-active steps toward meeting new people and hopefully making some new friends. I signed up for GirlfriendCircles.com, GirlfriendSocial.com and RentAFriend.com. And, today I got matched on the first service to meet a group of ladies in my area later in May. Yay!

Also, the crazy new resume I sent out a few weeks ago has netted me a nifty job interview this Thursday. I know! I haven't had an interview in a while, largely because I let myself rely solely on my freelance income for the last year. I'm nervous (It's one of those new-fangled group interviews. I have no idea what to expect.) but also excited. Wish me luck!

Let's enjoy some nice music now, shall we?

Friends In High Places

Debby, during our trip to Branson

My best friend Debby died seven years ago on a hailing, storm-ridden morning in Spring. Actually, I don't know if she considered me her best friend. We never talked about it or analyzed it, we just up and started doing everything together one day.

We worked at the same company. I was the newbie, and also the youngest non-intern there. She took me under her wing, asking me to do something with her during our off hours one day. It was so long ago now that I can't even remember what it was. But, it wasn't long before we were visiting new restaurants together, having pizza parties during the Golden Globes and gossiping about co-workers and bosses and people we didn't know. We took shopping road trips to Branson and Schaumberg, IL, went to movies on weekends, did concerts after work, pulled pranks on our office manager together and dissected the latest episodes of Gilmore Girls and The X-Files over extended coffee breaks.

I don't think I ever told Debby everything. Like about how lonely I'd been before we started hanging out. Or how I'd never been on a date and was a virgin. I certainly never mentioned that I'd always felt like a loser. But it really didn't matter. Because with Debby around everything was better. Brighter, happier, bolder, more interesting and exciting.

Debby was really quite different from me. She was a few years older (You'll think it's silly, but I never asked her age. Again, it didn't matter.) and the kind of outgoing, outspoken person that many people loved. (Unless they disliked her. Which was usually either because she'd put them in their place or was obviously liked by more people then they were.) She'd been around and done stuff and known people, which I hadn't.

She also had the kind of loud, addictive laugh that would stop the whole office and have our co-workers asking What? What's so funny? Tell me! Debby was also the best gift-giver I've ever known. Mention a thing once, briefly and in passing, and you were guaranteed to have it either on your birthday or at Christmas. Guaranteed.

Debby was not the only best friend I'd ever had. There were Danielle and Chiquita in grade school. Sara in high school. Emily in high school, college and a few years after college. I'd never quite had a friend like Debby, though, and I don't know if it'd be possible to have a friend that cool again. But, I'd like to try.

I'm now four years deep into my friend desert. After quitting the company where I met Debby, I was left with one friend from the old co-working gang who keeps in touch on a regular basis. We meet once a year for our shared birthday and email a few times beyond that. She's got three kids, a husband, a full time job, is running her own business on the side and doesn't even live in the same state as me. This is why we see each other once a year.

Emily found me on Facebook last year and we talk on the phone every month or so. Why don't we hang out? She's got a husband who works crazy hours and a rambunctious three-year-old...Oh, yeah, and in the past year she's moved from Boston to Chicago to a beach-side city in California. I still lay my head down in our hometown of St. Louis every night.

I need some girl talk. Some shopping trips and concert-going hijinks and female bonding sessions that begin with crying and end with raucous laughter. As nice as my family is, I need face time with other women who are not related to me.

If you're looking for the same thing, but are anxiety-ridden about trying to friend folks as an adult (like me), you should read the book I finished last week. MWF Seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche. Rachel found herself in a new city without her network of besties around and decided to go on one friend date a week for a whole year. It took guts (Debby would approve), but it worked.

And when you're feeling weary and alone there's nothing better than knowing that someone walked the path before you and made it work.

A Nice Thought

You tell 'em, Joan!

Music Monday: Traveling Songs

Earlier in the month, while HUBS was taking some time off for Spring Break, we did a little day tripping that I'd completely forgotten to tell you about.

We drove to Kimmswick, MO via Imperial, MO. Our first stop was in Imperial. We went to lunch at a Jack n the Box (I know, it's so touristy of us to eat food we can get basically anywhere in the country) and then headed to the Mastodon State Historic Site. We opted out of the museum to save some cash, but the grounds were nice, though I must warn those of you who fear caterpillars to stay away at this time of year. The place is filled with them!

After walking around and dodging those fuzzy little critters for a few minutes, we headed on to our destination. Downtown Kimmswick is essentially filled with nick-knack shops and eateries. It's also a tiny old river town. If you park your car you can walk the whole thing in a couple of hours.

Half way through our walk we stopped at The Blue Owl Sweet Shoppe and got this giant treat:

This involves apple pie, ice cream, caramel, whipped cream and cherries. It was understandably awesome. All in all, not bad for a 30 minute drive outside of St. Louis.



Where have you been recently that's close to home but nothing like it?

Sunday Dinner: Roasted Potato Leek Soup

A few weeks ago we went from being able to bank on 75 or 80 degree days to plunging back into what felt like winter weather. And in the weeks since then we've gone from one extreme to the other seemingly every day.

After watching a Ina Garten work her magic while waiting for my final late March medical guinea pig work to be done, I decided to make her Roasted Potato Leek Soup. Of course, since this is me we're talking about, I made some changes. This recipe is adapted from hers, though.

Roasted Potato Leek Soup

1 lb Yukon Gold potatoes, cut into 3/4 slices, unpeeled
1 lb red potatoes, prepared as above
4 leeks, well cleaned, chop white and light green parts only
1/4 cup olive oil
salt and cracked pepper
3 cups arugula/spinach
1/2 cup dry white wine
4 cups chicken stock, homemade if possible
1 12 oz can evaporated milk
8 oz light sour cream
McCormick Hot Madras Curry Powder, optional
1 11 oz can Green Giant Southwestern Style Corn, optional
1/4 cup Parmesan

Get your oven to 400 degrees and arrange your leeks and potatoes in a single layer on a cookie sheet that's got some olive oil (or cooking spray) on it. Salt and pepper everything, drizzle some more oil on top and roast for 40 to 45 minutes. Throw your arugula/spinach in there and roast it all long enough for them to wilt, about 4 to 6 minutes. When that's done, pour your wine right onto the pan and scrape up any crispy bits. If things are still stuck, you can use some of the stock to help.

Now, pour all that into a big old pot. Add the rest of your chicken stock, the milk, sour cream and canned corn if using. Using an immersion blender, get everything all ground up to your desired chunkiness (of course, if you don't have an immersion blender you can instead dump the veggies into a food processor). Get the pot set over medium heat, add your seasonings to taste and get it hot. Pour into bowls, top with cheese and enjoy.

This was so good! Perfect for a chilly night. And if you're only feeding a couple of people, it will last at least a week for leftovers. I'll definetly make this again. Thanks, Ina!

A Nice Thought

Totally Uncalled For

Remember that garden I planted a couple of weeks ago? Well, nothing's grown yet. I know it hasn't been that long, but I'm worried that our recent cold snap has screwed up the garden's potential.

I'd really hate for this first garden outing to be a bust. Especially since I was getting used to doing things outside in the yard. Yes, that sounds odd. But when you despise hot weather, insects and reptiles it's not difficult to be afraid of a snake and wolf spider infested yard (Why did I have to look that up? Now I'm all creeped out and itchy). It took about a year for me to realize that wandering through our yard could bring some rather unexpected results.

Also? It would be awesome if the garden could produce veggies because Mother Nature has decided to be a complete bitch. On Saturday? I found a tick dug deep into my left side.

I know! When I first saw it that morning I thought it was a skin tag. It was basically the color of my skin, and who among us has not discovered a scar/mole/pimple/stretch mark that wasn't there the day before? Later I was looking at it and kind of flicking it around when I noticed...the legs. Sweet Lord Almighty!

The resulting hour was filled with me asking HUBS to confirm the tickness, having him pull it out with tweezers, watching him set it on fire and then me taking a shower and washing all the clothes I'd worn that week while crying and trying not to have a full blown panic attack as I contemplated Lyme disease. Does that sound extreme? Sorry, I didn't grow up in a Yellowstone National Forest. I'm a city girl who has never been feasted on by a tick and never thought such a country-life type of thing would happen to me. I was in shock, OK?

So, really, garden. I'm going through a lot for you, including being turned into food. You'd better damn well grow and grow good. Hear me?

That's All For Now

I don't have any photos of Grandaddy G. So, instead, I offer this picture of my husband and his older sister when they were little ones.

Grandaddy G passed away on Thursday. HUBS, PT and I went to the funeral yesterday morning. It was a nice service, and since he was in the Army they had military rites done at the cemetery.

A bit about Grandaddy G:

- He was a gunner in WWII
- His 92nd birthday would have been in two weeks
- He was always nice to me, and from what I've heard he was always nice to everyone else, too
- He enjoyed the fact that I could always pick him out in super old photos that I'd never seen before
- He loved restoring old cars and worked on them until a couple a years ago
- He was a loyal fan to the end of the St. Louis Browns and until recently still liked to talk about the 1944 World Series
- When he got back from the war he built his own house
- He loved animals
- He loved sweets but had to stay away from them since he'd been diabetic for years
- Because he was diabetic for so long, many of his nerve endings were damaged so he ended up being in far less pain than he would have been otherwise. Talk about everything happening for a reason...

It's impossible (I would think, anyway) to go to a funeral or watch someone deal with a life threatening illness and not consider (Reconsider?) what you're doing with your own time. When I heard the news on Thursday I found myself thinking Well, that's it. The last of HUBS and my grandparents. In 20-30 years our parents will be next. And 20-30 years after that, if we're all lucky, it'll be our turn.

I'm feeling the time crunch, is what I'm saying. For some reason, another 60 years tops just doesn't seem like much right now. Of course, it'll seem like less later because it'll be less. Suppose I better get to work.

Expansion Ahoy!

Imperial caterpillar

Friends! I did something semi-bold yesterday. I spent two and a half hours in the morning volunteering at The St. Louis Area Foodbank!

Why is this a big deal? Because, it involved going someplace I'd never been before, talking to strangers and being stuck with them for a few hours. The last time I did any volunteering was for the CineVegas film festival in 2006, and that was a mostly selfish endeavor. It was also easier since I'd been there the year before and knew a lot of the returning volunteers/staff, and, you know, it's Vegas. There's no shortage of stuff to talk about with strangers.

This was different, and I must say, I aced it! I worked my ass off packing and unpacking donations. I also spent my time working with a nice retiree named Fred from Memphis. We talked! I socialized with people I'd never seen before! I got out of the house for something other than errands! I helped people! Yay!

Our volunteer group actually finished early because we worked so efficiently. At the end of our shift the volunteer manager left hand outs that listed our stats. We processed 8,811 pounds of food which translates to 7,193 meals for the hungry. Isn't that cool? I'll definitely be back.

I signed up through VolunteerMatch on Monday for this gig and also contacted a couple of other places (a no-kill animal shelter and a not-for-profit news site) about volunteering for them, also. I like this. I get to help others and myself at the same time. If I weren't so chicken around strangers I would have done this much sooner!

What have you done lately that you loved enough to wish you'd done sooner?

That's How It Goes

HUBS' grandfather has liver cancer. In one week he went from being basically fine to not really recognizing his family. Since he's 91 years old (his birthday is actually in a couple of weeks) and the cancer wasn't found until it was very far along, there's no treatment that wouldn't make things much worse for him. Right now his family is just trying to keep him comfortable.

On Easter, HUBS and I met his parents at the house Grandaddy G shares with HUBS' uncle. We had the annual Easter dinner there without any of the usual fanfare. It was just us five around the table eating as his Grandaddy G rested in the hospital bed that hospice workers brought for him.

When we were about to eat dessert, a priest came to give him last rites. Apparently he was just coherent enough to follow what was going on and mouth responses at the appropriate times, but I didn't notice this. I was too busy trying not to cry, especially once HUBS' mom teared up.

I know how important that is to Catholics. Part of me was afraid that whatever is keeping Grandaddy G here would have its hold loosened by the rites and he'd die soon after. I've never seen anyone or thing that was significant to me or a loved one die. Not my grandmother, uncle, cousin or even Luanne. I was slightly terrified of being around for that. And so was HUBS.

There was a moment on Saturday when his parents had called and said Grandaddy G was doing badly and we should come over then, just in case he didn't make it to Easter. HUBS didn't want to go. He didn't want to be part of a death vigil; watching his beloved grandfather (his last grandparent, by the way) slowly fade away while he and the rest of us did nothing, because there was nothing we could do.

He also didn't want to know he might die and not try to get there to see him one last time. HUBS was torn. To the point where it, this horrible situation that many of us will come to at some point, made him angry. I told him he didn't have to go. I told him not to think about what his parents, sister, cousins, uncles or anyone else might say to him if he decided not to go. What was important was that he'd be able to look back on this day, and be alright if Grandaddy G died and he decided not to be there.

As we got ready to leave Saturday, he called his parents back and found out that his grandfather was doing much better. Well enough that his mom told us not to worry about the two hour drive that night, but to wait until Sunday as was originally planned. HUBS was clearly relieved.

Yesterday, his parents and uncle moved Grandaddy G into a nursing home in their small Mid-Missouri town. The same one that has taken care of two of HUBS' other ailing grandparents once the family couldn't care for them anymore. HUBS came home from work feeling tired, ignored, frustrated, disrespected...Sadness makes everything bad feel worse.

Music Monday: Take Care

Well, this was a decidedly different kind of Easter for us. It wasn't as bad as we thought it would be, but it wasn't exactly a ton of laughs, either. I'll explain more tomorrow.

I hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend. We took a little trip on Friday, which I'll talk about later in the week. Today, though, it was hard to completely concentrate on anything. I did manage to sign up for a couple of volunteering projects through Volunteer Match, one of which is this Wednesday, so I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

Now, let's relax a bit, shall we?

Happy Friday: Holidays and Such

Possibly the best sandwich I've ever made. Pretzel bun, peppers, pickles, apple, tomato, pepper cheese, honey ham...And yes that is a pumpkin and a tiara in the background. Don't pretend there's nothing odd in your house.

Hey, friends! It's shaping up to be a cool, but clear Good Friday. We've got family visits and new things planned, so let's hope it stays rain free during the days and warm enough not to ruin my new garden. Happy Easter to all who celebrate it!

On to some webby goodness...

1) If you need a new kind of photo gift, or are just trying to spruce up the old abode, ceramic tiles might be a good idea.

2) The web-only shows are popping up like April showers. Squaresville is one of the latest.

3) Geek Goddess Felicia Day has a new YouTube channel, Geek and Sundry for "the very best of indie geek culture."

4) All the cooks out there will appreciate the Garject, a device to help you cook with the fresh stuff without getting the scent all over your hands.

5) Stop your junk mail with the free PaperKarma smartphone app.

That's all for me. Have a great weekend, lovelies!

Relief Is A Wonderful Feeling

Finally! We closed on our refinanced mortgage today. We'll save about $100 a month, which is a very welcome position to be in.

We've had quite a few bouts of luck in the past week or so. HUBS and I have both made some extra cash. He landed a computer consulting job, and I did a stint as a medical research guinea pig (They took some blood, I tasted some stuff...The pay was pretty good for 18 hours of non-work.). I've also been making a bit doing surveys online.

I already mentioned our day trip on Saturday and our weekend filled with eating nice food I didn't cook.

Things feel slightly lighter right now, and that's nice. Plus, yesterday, I did this:


I know, that looks like nothing, but it's not. It's a garden, people! If all goes well, we'll be able to save even more money by not buying every vegetable and herb under the sun...Because we'll be growing some of them ourselves! Don't get me wrong, I do not delight in outdoor activities and the relatively small amount of time I've put in so far (three hours yesterday and one and a half today) have proven that gardening will be a workout. But, we need to do all we can to limit our expenses, so I'm willing to give this a try toward that end.

The only thing I'm battling right now are my own bad habits. For the past month I've been eating dessert twice a day. I even went so far on some days as to skip meals so that I could eat another dessert. Now, I'm no nutritionist, but that can't be good. As much as I believe in daily dessert breaks, even I must admit that's not a pattern that should be sustained.

I was able to eat one dessert yesterday, though the craving for another post-dinner was so strong I actually felt anxious and antsy not caving for about 40 minutes. Let's all hope I can keep up my resolve.

What's good in your life right now? Have you sucessfully broken any bad habits?

Music Monday: Getting Around

It was a nice weekend folks. We got out, took a road trip, ate some good food, saw a movie and did some different things. Here's our weekend by the numbers...

96.4 - Miles driven each way
1 - Number of road trips taken
4 - Hours in the car
3 - Meals eaten away from home
2 - Live turtles trying to cross the road at different points in Illinois
2 - Number of cars from opposing lane of traffic that drove toward me head on in an attempt to pass the car in front of them
0 - Pant wettings when the aforementioned terror occurred...but it was very, very close
3 - Farm equipment graveyards passed


1 - Home of Popeye driven through
4 - Times I got teary-eyed during Hunger Games
5 - Instances the dystopian future of Hunger Games made me angry
2 - Arguments had
1 - Nap taken
5 - Desserts eaten

So, how was your weekend?

Happy Friday! Today Feels Pretty Good

It's a warm day at the end of a slightly stressful week where I got a nice amount of stuff accomplished. Plus? We might finally be done with our refinancing. Hopefully we can wrap everything up early next week - after a month and a half of dealing with numbers, paperwork and screw-ups that were not our fault. Phew! Let's get on to some interesting internet things...

1) I don't know much about this program yet, but the creator of Sessions says he just wants to help you exercise more. NanoWorkout might be good, too.

2) Make believe movie posters are all the rage. The creativity never ceases to amaze.

3) If you're a writer who constantly gets distracted by the internet, Ommwriter could be exactly what you need.

4) Are you tired of getting inundated with email updates from all your social media accounts, but don't have time to change all your preferences? Ding!

5) Forget all about that bad day and laugh a little at other people's discomfort!

Ah...Now, get off the computer and do something fun this weekend...Really, go!

A Nice Thought

Indeed...

Conflicting Reports Be Damned!

Here it is, everyone. I've either done something brave or really stupid. Tired of all the conflicting reports on what the correct things are to put on a resume, I finally said Fuck All! and made something that is, for me anyway, totally new. The old format, even though it was approved by a resume writing instructor at a local college, didn't get me anywhere. I believe this one is more interesting and yet still tells people all the basics. Also? I started applying for jobs with this resume today.

Well, what do you think?

Music Monday: Something Different

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Who else is looking for a job? Have you noticed, like I have, that no matter how many articles you read by career coaches, headhunters, professional resume writers and HR honchos that there's always another set of similar pros who'll tell you to do the exact opposite thing when writing a resume? You have! Aren't you tired of it?

Well, I am. And since the resume that I went to a resume class to write and had rubber stamped by a resume writer who works at a local college is clearly not working, I've decided to try something new. Yesterday, I spent two hours writing another resume. I do not mention that I'm "creative" or "detail-oriented" or good on the switchboard. I do not mention that I'm a writer who's good at writing. What I do mention is that I like cats, alliteration and laughing.

Yeah, it sounds goofy, but since the old way isn't working I'm trying something different: telling more of my story with my resume, while also letting whoever reads it in on the fact that, yes, I am capable of holding down a job. I'm going to do a bit more work on it tomorrow, post it for you and then start using it to apply for jobs. Wish me luck!

Now! Music!

A Nice Thought

Tuesday Tipday: Taming Your To-Dos

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Yesterday I told you about a book I read last week that offers tips for getting things done. The book was 18 Minutes, by Peter Bregman.

It's a quick, insightful read that I finished in just two days. I think the most important thing about this book isn't even the time management system he came up with, but the little nuggets of knowledge sprinkled throughout. Witness...

1) Pausing can help you make a smarter next move.

2) If your whole identity is wrapped up in one thing (your job, your status as a parent, the amount of money you have in the bank...) then the loss of that one identity will cripple you.

3) If you don't know what your life is about, you'll waste all your time even if you work your ass off.

4) Understand your obsessions and you'll be clued in to your natural motivators.

5) Passions are things you enjoy working at even if you feel like you're failing at them.

See? His book is filled with tidbits like this that make total sense as soon as you come across them.

What I love about his to-do system is that it's based not just on all the things you need to do on a daily basis (I've put "DISHES" and "LAUNDRY" on many a to-do list), but on your overall goals for the year. So, if you've decided you need to make new friends and dress better in 2012, each day should be spent focusing on activities that help you achieve those goals.

Bregman's idea is that only around five percent of your day should be spent on the laundry-dishes-buy-another-20-rolls-of-TP to-dos of life. Because, if that's all your days are made up of you won't get where you want to be and will end up feeling you've wasted your limited, precious time.

After plotting my goals for the year and making a rather extensive to-do list last week, I found it completely overwhelming to complete in one day. So, I did what I do best and put the whole thing off. Yesterday I woke up with a renewed interest in giving it a go. I didn't come anywhere near getting my 10 item list done, but as of right now I've only got four things left.

A couple of hours ago it occurred to me that no one is forcing me to make a daily to-do. For the foreseeable future I'll be making weekly ones. I don't think this would have seemed like an option before reading this book, and I don't know why. Bregman talks a lot about knowing your strengths, weaknesses and what makes you different and then tailoring your life so that everything is optimized for the way you work and get things done.

I love crossing off my to-dos, but if my day is too structured (even while working from home) I feel trapped...So, weekly to-do lists! I feel so much lighter now!

18 Minutes is a great book to pick up if you want some insight into how to make your productive days really matter. Give it a try.

What does your ideal getting-things-done day look like?

Music Monday: New System

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Last week I read a new book about planning and organizing your time, and today I tried out the system listed in the book. I'll write more about the specifics tomorrow, but for now it's obvious that this isn't going to be easy to manage.

My previous system was pretty simple. I made a list of five things I needed to get done and that was all I concerned myself with for the day. The problem, I found, was that I did the easy stuff, shied away from and avoided the difficult/scary stuff and came away with a day where I got things accomplished...But very little that would actually move my life forward.

I needed something else. Something that wouldn't overwhelm, but that would also push me to do the things I fear. As much as I liked the book I read, I'm not sure this is it. It is a step in the right direction, though, because I did manage to do something scary that I've been avoiding for a week.

So, a tiny victory leads us to some awesome new-week music...









What's your system for getting difficult things done?