Momma & A Man

My grandmother, me and mom. 1984, maybe?

I'm a grown woman, but this? This is freaking me out just a little bit.

Last Tuesday I called my mom to see how things were going since HUBS and I saw her on her birthday. Usually when I call my mom there's nothing much to talk about. We discuss her job, how tired she is, my grandmother, and I get health/death updates on everyone. Maybe we talk about a tv show or two, but that's it really. This time, well, I wish we had discussed Prison Break. Even though I hate that show...

See, my mom's been dating. I know! I! Know! I am really happy for her. My dad left her after 22 years in a really crappy way. And that was in 1994; if she's dated at all since then she didn't tell me about it. Now, though, she's been seeing this guy that (follow this carefully) she knew growing up who was a close friend of one of her brothers who now happens to be the in-law of that same brother (i.e. my uncle is married to his friend's sister).

And suddenly, you guys? My mom, she is 16 again. Because when I called her all we talked about for the whole 30 minutes was...this guy!

She must really, really like him. Mom wasn't gushing or anything, but c'mon. Even when I tried to change the subject she worked it back around to the dude. What he looks like (exactly the same as when they were kids). His pets (a bird that talks and a dog - mom, incidentally, hates animals). Where they've gone (Applebee's and his place). What she took to protect herself from him in case he'd gone insane since she'd last seen him 40 years ago (a kitchen knife and $80 so she could catch a cab after killing him).

He even offered to take her to Aruba. Aruba, people! They've been out exactly THREE times as of last week! He wants to fly my mom to a tropical island! For fucks sake, man! Slow down! Of course, mom doesn't fly or take non-grandmother related vacations, but when I asked her she said she'd probably go to Chicago if he asked her. My grandmother, though, said "Girl, if he asks you to go somewhere, you better go! HooHoooo!" Because that's my granny, guys.

The conversation was amazing. I'm not even kidding. When she told me this guy asked her out, I was all "Cool, you should go!" I'm still glad she's doing it, but yeah...it's a bit weird.

Holy fuck cakes...what if I end up with a step-dad!?!?!

Nothing's Easy, Is It?

I did it. I went to bed Tuesday night at 1:15am, which is seriously early for me. The goal here is two-fold: cut back on eating at all hours of the morning by being asleep and start waking up earlier so I can get back on a normal, non-night owl schedule.

You know what happened, right? I set my clock for 11am and could not wake up. I didn't get out of bed until 1:30pm. But, I am undaunted, so I tried again last night. And, seeing as how I got up this morning at NINE O'CLOCK I guess going to bed pre-midnight-thirty finally did the job.

Now, do we take bets on how long it'll be until I need a nap?

Back On Track

I couldn't find a picture that showed how I felt on Sunday. So, here's a shot of HUBS with beach towels on his head. Yay!

By Sunday I was basically done with my period so I started up the exercising again. And, um...I though I was going to die.

No joke, y'all. Eleven minutes in (after a particularly long sequence) my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest, my hips hurt, I was sweating profusely and I was sick to my stomach. It was only a week without exercise, people! I am so fucking out of shape. I don't know how, but I managed to slug along through another nine minutes to finish the workout.

It doesn't help that I've been having a really hard time not eating late at night. My goal is always to stop by 10 pm at the latest, but for the past two weeks I've been really bad about snacking. And we're not talking apples or a slice of low-fat cheese here, either. I've been indulging in early a.m. doses of one of my favorite snacks melted peanut butter and milk chocolate chips with animal crackers for dipping.

JESUS, SMITH, AND JONES! It. Is. Sooooooo. GOOOOOOOD!!!!! There were even a couple of nights where I ran out of animal crackers and sucked down the rest of my melted goodness with a spoon. Fuck. I'm bad at this shit.

But, now I'm back with the sweat/heart attack inducing workouts and I (barely) managed to stay up until 3:30 am without eating after 9:30 pm. As you probably guessed, part of the problem here is that I stay up WAY TOO LATE. I mean, if you go to bed at 5 am, there's a lot more time for temptation to settle in and win than if you hit the sack at midnight.

Obviously, I'm trying to go to bed earlier too. Will the missions never cease?

Just For This Week

In accordance with national "Acceptance of Having My Period" week, I've done mostly nothing by way of exercising. I did a couple of loads of laundry on Monday and Tuesday, so I went up and down the stairs a few times. And one day I did some wall push-ups 'cause I was feeling sluggish. But mostly, hell-to-the-no with actual, scheduled exercising.

And I'm just saying...feels pretty good.

By the way, this is a national occasion because if I were in, I don't know, Alabama, I'd still be avoiding physical activity.

That's right, baby.

Money Is Cool!

Due to my financial savvy, HUBS and I are now the proud owners of a $80.73 nest egg. I know! It's like, if there's an emergency now we won't even have to beg for change by the side of the road. We can totally plunk down three Jacksons and be like BOO YAH, BABY! Got it covered.

How about that?

Ick, Ick and More Ick

All right, this one ain't so bad.

Because of all the incidents lately with spiders, I was thinking the other day about all the stuff that freaks/icks me out. And since I love you guys, here's a list:

1) Bugs. By "bugs" I mean anything with more than four legs or less than two. We're talking spiders, centipedes, mosquitoes, dragon flies, worms, maggots, roaches and various other critters. Having said this, some of these are worse than others. I mean, if a cricket landed on my foot briefly I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't exactly want to kill myself either. But, to be touched by, say, a cockroach? I'm dying just thinking aobut it.

2) Flying things. This is kinda part of #1, except that I have issues with anything with wings. Meaning? Lady bugs, butterflies, moths, birds of all ilk, and airplanes are included. And yes, I understand that butterflies are pretty and lady bugs are harmless (some folks even believe they bring good luck) and the occasional bird can be gorgeous. This does not change their "Holy God!" factor when I'm minding my own business and they suddenly start to circle.

3) Clowns. Let's not pretend that there's no evil under all that makeup. If you've read It by Stephen King or seen the movie...You know just what the fuck I'm talking about.

4) Snails. We came home a couple of night ago to find two of the little slime balls on our porch. Can you believe some people eat these things? How desperate for food do you have to be to see one of these slimy, stalk-eyed blobs and go "Fry it up, Frank. I can't wait for a cow to happen by anymore." Blech...

5) Squid and octopi. Again, people eat this crap. And get all excited about the ink! the ink! God, what is wrong with the world? I can see eating these when you had no choice, but now? Isn't there a McDonald's near you?

6) Raw or rare meat. This disgusts me so that, when cooking, I won't touch raw meat/fish/poultry. I mean it. I use knives, forks, whatever, but will NEVER EVER touch this stuff with bare hands. Also? How do reasonably sane people eat meat running through with blood? I'll tell you how. They. Are. Crazy.

7) Wet hair. If it's attached to your head, fine. If it's circling the drain or hanging off a towel...I'm dry heaving.

8) Sweat. For some reason there are folks who find sweaty people erotic or something. Well, let's get this straight: I don't care how good looking you are, if you're sweaty you stink and if you stink I want no part of you until you clean yourself up. Mmmm'kay?

9) Bodily fluids. No one needs details here, do you? Let me say, though, I don't know how parents do it. With the children and the diapers and the spit-up and the snot...God...Dry...Heave...

10) Dirty bathrooms. Oh Jesus, guys. I have seen some horrendous public bathrooms. Like when I went on a geology field trip in college to some state cave site. The bathroom was literally just a hole in the ground. And there was smoke coming up out of it. What? Really state park? This is the level best you can do? Or at some boardwalk in Florida when I was about 10. There were no stalls, and the ENTIRE BATHROOM (toilets included) was covered in graffiti and...other...things. My mom and I waited about two hours to pee that day.

He Loves Them More Than Me

Again with the critters.

HUBS and I took off for Target in Beesley (his yellow car) last night. I was driving and again I was fighting off a spider on my window. It was on the side-view at first and I tried to kill it, but missed. After rolling up my window and taking off, it wedged itself between the window and the little flap that keeps the window sealed.

Luckily, as long as we kept moving it stayed put. I was actually able to remain calm. There was minimal screaming and absolutely no crying. Yay, me! I mean, until I stopped the car in the parking lot at Target. Then I went insane.

citygirl: Ohhhhhhh, my God it's running get out and kill it get out and kiiiillll ittttt!!!!!!!!

HUBS: Ok, ok. Calm down, I need a napkin or something.

citygirl: AHHHHHHHHHCCKCKCKCKCKCK!! Moving running ACCCKCKCKCKCKAACACACACKKKKK!

HUBS: Alright, geez. I'm out...

Then, you guys, the unthinkable happened. HUBS had a very simple set of instructions: get out of the car, kill the spider. Um...he KNOCKED IT OFF THE CAR. With his precious napkin.

I'm like, what did you just do? You know what happened last week, how the hell do you not JUST KILL THE FUCKING SPIDER? HUBS actually watched it skitter off, to terrorize another day. I bet it crawled back onto his car. Why would it not? Nobody bothered to teach it a lesson, right?

Fine, HUBS. I see how you are. Just wait until the next time you're being attacked by wild dogs or something. Do you think you'll get any dog-killing power outta me? No sir. No sir, not at all...

Happy Birthday, P.T.!!

Mom, before me.

Today is my mom's birthday, you guys. She's 58 years old now, and can I just say again...I worry about her?

I know I've regaled you with tales of her taking care of my grandmother and, because of it, not really caring for her border-line-diabetic-high-blood-pressured self. But let me tell you what happened yesterday.

HUBS and I planned to see her Sunday to wish her a Hap-Happy and hand over some souvenirs we got from SC for her. I called to see what time would be good and suggested we bring some lunch over for her and the grandmom. Mom was enticed by the idea of Chinese food. She particularly wanted ham fried rice from the place we took all the parentals when they first met. Cool, right?

So, about a half hour before we left I tried calling in an order. Unfortunately, they weren't open for another two and a half hours. Ok, I thought, no worries. I'll call the place down the street that HUBS and I love. Except, they're not open at all on Sundays. As a last resort, I tried another Chinese place we like, but that's a bit out of the way...no go. Those fuckers weren't open either.

None of this was that big of a deal. I was upset that mom wouldn't get her fried rice, but I figured I would just call her and she was sure to want something else. Here's why I'm worried, you guys, my mom was nearly brought TO TEARS at hearing that she was not getting ham fried rice. I mean, holy shit, folks. How small does your world have to be to cry at the possibility of having to cook.

I tried to make it better. BBQ? No, might upset the delicate balance of my grandmother's limited diet. Burgers? We eat those too much. Pizza? I don't think she can chew it anymore, plus I just had one Friday. Then my mom nearly broke down: I thought for once I wouldn't have to cook or go get anything. I don't know what to do anymore. She's tired of everything I make and everything she can have.

Crap. Shit. Crap. Crap. Shit! Now I felt horrible for making a cool it's-your-birthday-tomorrow suggestion and wished I had never done it. Mom managed to recover by telling me to just get the Chinese from the mall (you guys have a Panda Express near you, right?). Which is exactly what we did, because dammit, mom was getting her fried rice!

I wish I could make it all better. But I really don't know how.

Red-Haired Temptress

Oh, God, y'all. I think I love Kathy Griffin. Have you ever watched My Life on the D List? Or seen her do comedy? Well, I never paid much attention to the woman until our honeymoon. HUBS was having an off day, not feeling particularly touristy and wanting to stay in the hotel and chill a bit. This was totally cool with me because a) it was a hot-ass bitch in South Carolina in July if you weren't under an umbrella on the beach and b) we don't have cable at home, so I finally had more than six channels of nothing to flip through.

In my rabid flipping I came upon a marathon of D List on Bravo. I was immediately taken by how goofy and honest she was. Although, if being on the D List in Hollywood gets you a fucking HUGE mansion like that...well, I think that might not be all bad. I bet Kathy has more than THREE closets in her house.

About a month after we got back from the vacay, I looked her up on You Tube and watched a marathon of her comedy specials. Freakin' hilarious. Then, a week ago Friday, I woke up at 4:15 in the morning to pee and couldn't get back to sleep. I started watching more D List on You Tube and guess what? I was transfixed. Get this, I literally spent NINE AND A HALF STRAIGHT HOURS watching her show. I only got up to eat and pee more. The only think that broke my stride was taking a shower at 3:30pm.

By the time HUBS got home around 6, I had already collapsed into the bed. All laughed out and ready for some serious sleep.

Why do you lure me with your devilish siren song, Kathy? WHY?

What Have I Become?

The yellow car is the culprit.

Oh my God, you guys. I was going to tell you about last weekend for my next blog post, but what happened last night is much more interesting.

HUBS and I were on our way out to Qdoba for dinner. We had a two-for-one coupon and were very excited about the prospect of a semi-cheap din-din. Since HUBS had just gotten home from work, he requested that I drive his car, which I did.

So, we were almost on the highway when I noticed a spider on my window, right near the top where it was open a little. Now, if you remember, me and spiders in cars do NOT GET ALONG. I'm busy trying to drive so I can't kill them and I hate that. I feel powerless to stop the infestation, and me no likey that.

I started to freak a some, but not too bad. It was small, and not a black widow or anything , so not that immediately terrifying. HUBS tried to help me out. But, instead of grabbing one of the million-and-one napkins on his side of the car and killing it, he tried to flick it out the window. This, my friends, is when ALL TOTAL HELL broke loose. Our nemesis the spider DID NOT get sent outside.

IT FLEW INTO THE CAR. IT. WAS. ON. ME!

I find it really hard to explain what happened next. We were on the highway and I was driving and I saw the enemy land on me, but did not know where. I began to panic. And not a little "Oh crap!" kind of panic, but full-on panic attack type panic. Really. I immediately started to cry. And hard, too, people. Tears are streaming down my face, I'm shaking and screaming and cursing and acting like a total punk.

HUBS' initial reaction was to giggle a bit. I don't blame him, though, because I was acting so crazy that he thought I was overacting for effect. When he saw the tears, he knew what was up - I was a lunatic and needed to be calmed down before I killed us both.

Two things made this worse: There was no shoulder, so I couldn't just pull over. I had to wait for the first exit and find a place to stop. Also? I knew I was acting insane, but couldn't stop it. I would start to calm down, then think about the spider setting up shop in my hair or clothes or large intestine and begin to freak! out! again!

This ordeal only lasted about 5 minutes before I could pull over in a parking lot, but it felt like an eternity. I ripped off my sweatshirt (thank God for tank tops) and eventually HUBS found and killed the spider, which was on the back of my seat. As you can imagine, he had to drive once we finally got back in the car.

I have no fucking clue what happened to me! It's not like HUBS purposely threw a tarantula or a bucket of brown recluses on me. It was an accident! And a small, basically harmless spider! And I lost my mind with the shaking/crying/screaming travelling show.

The last time I acted like this I was in college and depressed and lonely and self-hating. HUBS thinks this might have something to do with "the store closing" soon. But I have never gotten this bent out of shape about anything just because of my monthly.

Holy crap. I hope this ain't a trend.

Change

Well, I've started exercising again. I took the plunge about a week ago and I've only gone one day without doing anything. My goal is 20 minutes a day. So far, so good.

I Do Not Like...

Yard work. I was forced to try pulling up weeds/vines yesterday as HUBS did his usual mowing and weed-eating. We started way too late, but I went out there anyway. It was hot and sweat was running into my eyes. Also great about working in our yard? The snakes. That's right, people, I came up against two of them yesterday and managed to remove one of them but missed the other. Ick...

I was doing this because our Orkin man said the best hope of getting rid of the snakes (specifically, stopping them from coming into the house anymore) would be to clear all the brush from the perimeter of the yard and the basement windows. About three weeks ago we got supposedly super tough brush and poison ivy killer and I spent about an hour spraying all around the outskirts of our yard. Guess what? Most of the crap didn't come close to dying. Yay! I love blowing $18 on bullshit that doesn't even work!

Since we only had about a half hour of light left I didn't get much done. All the pulling and yanking has made my shoulders sore. I was barely able to finish one spot near the worst basement window - it was completely covered with vines. When it got too dark and I was tired of sweating I went inside to shower in disgust.

I really don't understand why we need nature this close to our homes.

Things I Want That I Can't Buy Yet

A new winter coat. This one (from Jessica London) is actually a lighter into-winter kind of jacket, but look how cute it is! It's only available in a bright green now, since it's on clearance for about $34. Yeah, no shit!



I really want some less wide legged jeans. I've got two pairs from Lane Bryant (like this pair) but they are super long and wide leggy. Not the best thing to pair with all my billowy, trying-to-hide-my-gut tops. This pair, by the by, is like $70. There is no way in hell I'd spend that much on a pair of JEANS!



I've been seeing feather headbands all over the place the past couple of months, but they usually cost upwards of $35. I've been stalking this one (and it's Blue Almond shade twin) since May on Urban Outfitters. It's under 20 bucks, which is much more reasonable, but I still want it to be cheaper. The UO fuckers refuse to put them on sale! And I really want two! Come on guys, $10 per feather head thingie seems fair...right?



Um, this is from IKEA and I WANT IT REALLY REALLY BAD. I mean, look at the color! Holy shitballs, it's adorable! And I don't just want this 'cause it's seriously cute, either. One of the issues with our small house is the lack of storage space. There are only THREE CLOSETS in the whole place, and one of those (the coat closet) isn't even deep enough for HANGERS. That's right, y'all, everything hanging in there has to be tilted to one side for it to fit. Unbelievably irritating. Also, we have a ton of blankets, pillows, towels and other sundry items that are either sitting out right now or crammed into unacceptable places. I need some order, people! Though, I have to say, at over 300 big ones this might not be enough bang for our bucks considering how much crap we need room for.



Flowers...ummmmm. Right now I have some mini calla lilies slowly dying in our living room. I've had them for almost a month, so considering that they are holding up rather well. I wish I could buy fresh flowers every couple of weeks. Enough for the living room and our bedroom. This shot is from a recent Domino magazine.



Speaking of magazines? I'm an absolute magazine whore. I haven't been able to renew my Essence subscription, my Lucky is about to run out and I wanted to start one for BUST. The Lucky is only $12 so I can swing that one, but both the others are 18 bucks! Who do they think they are? At least I can get Essence at the library, but not BUST. One of my favorite things to do is rip pretty pictures out of magazines, but with our current financial state, I've been trying to resale them on ebay, so, no rippy-ripperson for me.

I've also wanted to renew my flickr pro account, get a photo book made of our wedding and honeymoon pics and sign up for lynda to get some software training. No go so far.

And, people? I cannot express how badly I want to buy random makeup and beauty products. Do you know how hard it is to not make impulse purchases? Even cheap, under $10 ones? How hard it is to know that $4 here and 6 bucks there could mean not making HUBS' car payment on time (like this month)?

We've also decided to hold off on some household improvements. Like staining and waterproofing the deck this year. And getting a new toilet seat. (The finish is coming off of ours. Has that ever happened to anyone? Because I, for one, have never lived in a place where this occurred. How fucking cheap must our toilet seat be?!)

What do you guys want that you can't actually buy yet?

Apparently...It's Monday

My weekend wasn't the suckiest possible ever, but it wasn't as eventful as I'd wanted either.

In my new effort to have HUBS and I start doing stuff with our free time instead of just sitting at home on the computer or putzing around the house, I wanted us to go to the Forest Park Ballon Glow and Race on Friday and Saturday. Follow the link...see! Doesn't that look cool! I had never been to the race and hadn't been to the glow in about 10 years. I thought with my new fangled camera I could really get some great shots.

First, though, we went to a rally for the school district HUBS works for. This may sound horrible, but the only reason we went was the free food. I know, you guys, we have no school spirit at all. But, the food was from one of our favorite Mexican places, Qdoba, and we haven't been there since our wedding night date back on July 19. So really, can you blame us?

What comes next is the story of how I'm a pussy who gets angry a lot and shoots herself in the foot, because the traffic to get into the park? The worst I've ever seen. I went the easiest way to get there, and it took us about 20 minutes just to get off the highway because of traffic. Then, when we finally got to the street we needed there was a SOLID line of cars in front of us in all three lanes.

I became enraged (something that's become quite common during my unemployment). When the light turned green you couldn't even move, there were so many cars in front of us. I considered using one of the dozen or so other park entrances but punked out, turned around, and brought us home. HUBS made french fries and we watched a couple of Netflix selections. I was upset with myself for not doing what I set out to do just because of all the assholes trying to do the same thing (who, really, weren't assholes), but I had fries so I was better.

Needless to say, we also did not go to the race on Saturday. I got tired thinking about the traffic and so HUBS and I took a nap instead. I woke up about three hours later, exercised (yay, me), called my mom and made HUBS help me clean up the kitchen so I could cook blueberry pancakes and eggs for dinner. We ate while having a Buffy-athon.

Sunday was all about his folks coming to visit. We looked at wedding pictures, they gave us some food from their garden, and went out to eat. They usually pay for all of us when we go to dinner, but didn't this time. Luckily for us, they also brought along a $25 check someone had sent them for us so we actually had money to pay for our meal. Because, you know, the $1.79 that was in our account wouldn't have cut it.

Weekend

Oddly enough, even though I don't go to work anymore I still really love the weekend, or the idea of the weekend. Mostly I think it's because HUBS is home and we can watch movies and chill and surf the internet together (separate computers).

I also hate weekends a little bit, too. Every Sunday I have to finish applying for jobs for the week so I can send in my report to the unemployment people and get my check for the coming week. I almost always end up crying when I search job boards because it takes forever to find something decent to apply to. Here's how the paranoia goes: I don't find any jobs worth applying to, I have to lie about the number of jobs to the unemployment office, they exercise their right to have me show proof that I sent out a certain number of resumes and find out I lied and send me to prison.

Have a great weekend everyone. Pray for me...

Long Time Gone

I know. Before yesterday's post it'd been over a month since I posted anything. Honestly I'm feeling a little boring right now, not to mention stressed.

See, the wedding fervor (as reletively minor as it was) is over and so is the honeymoon. I'm even over longing to be back on vacation. Now there's only one thing on my plate again...job searching. It's boring and scary and I feel lonely and useless quite often. How fun would it be to read about that everyday? Right, well imagine actually feeling it and writing about it all the time.

I've been out of work for a full 9 months. I've had 2 interviews that went nowhere and gotten not-even-part-time work as a freelance writer/photographer for a website. Sending my resume's to friends and asking for leads didn't help. Signing up for numerous networking sites hasn't helped.



Money is really tight, and when I say tight I mean HUBS and I have roughly $400 leftover every month for non-bills. It has to take care of groceries, gas in the cars, perscriptions, doc visits, personal grooming products, etc. Not to mention all the little household extras that pop up. Like the tree that was uprooted in our backyard because of the remnants of Ike (see the above tree that used to stand up straight). The cost to remove said tree before it crushes our fence and neighbor's dog house (maybe with dog in it)? Around $500. This money is also know as things-we-put-on-credit-card-because-we've-used-all-our-savings-and-this-is-kinda-urgent. We've used a lot of that kind of money and the bills are now outrageously high.

Any ideas? From anyone? How the fuck do I get a decent paying job that won't bore me to tears? For me that means something where I can write creatively or take pictures or help with marketing or pr. What the shit am I doing wrong?

Again with the Phelps

So, just when HUBS and I were finally getting over our Olympic-based Phelps Fatigue (HUBS' phrase), the boy had to go and host the season premiere of SNL. I fully admit that I couldn't commit to watching it. I'd surf over to my local NBC station, sit for a few seconds and then start flipping channels again. It's not like I have anything against the guy, I just got tired of ALL THE PHELPS LOVE ALL THE TIME. Like other folks weren't winning gold medals.

Back to SNL. Did Lil' Wayne's second song make anyone else feel like they were going to have a seizure? How about a stroke? Actually, now that I see him in that photo I realize that that's enough to cause me to seize out.

Pre-Wedding Prep

First off, let me just say that I know it's been eons since I posted on a regular basis. July really took it outta me. Even though we had a relatively simple, small wedding (we invited about 75 people) it was still a nerve-wracking process. I took it upon myself to get creative and actually make some stuff myself.


Like the invitations. I used postcards because the postage is still kinda cheap and just asked people to rsvp to my email or phone number. I got card stock which ended up being too thick for the stupid printer at Kinko's (I had to use their card stock, since I'd intended to use my own, though, they didn't charge me for it), flowered rubber stamps, ink pads in gold and purple, and played around with free fonts until I found a cool one. I think they turned out well.


I also made the programs myself. I used another free font that I found and even made a monogram myself. This wasn't as hard as it seems, but because I got angry every step of the way, it took longer. Getting the positioning of everything on the program right took quite a bit of time. I wanted it big enough so that our old relatives could read it and yet small enough to fit on one page. HUBS helped, and we finally got it to work. I forgot to have them printed early, so we had to run to Kinko's RIGHT BEFORE we left for the wedding. So, um, we were late...We meant to get to the hall at 11am and instead it was more like 11:20. We got there and pretty much everyone we invited was already there looking at us like we were crazy because we weren't ready yet. After all that, you know what? Hardly anybody took a program. I'm still pissed about that...


I made the flower girl "basket" myself. This was actually a cone made from card stock that I stamped with one of my invite stamps and ran a ribbon through for a handle. If you try this, use regular paper, the card stock is harder to cone-ify.



I also made simple bouquets for myself and my one attendant, my Lady of Honor (I don't like Matron of Honor, who can feel cool with that title?). That's her above with the flowers. Doesn't she look pretty? Since I was a total lazy-ass the day before the wedding, I had to run around right before closing to the stores I was planning to get my flowers from. I didn't even know what exactly I wanted, I just knew I wanted white and purple if possible. I tried Trader Joe's first, but they were closed when I got there. I drove like a maniac down the street to Whole Foods. I considered lots of different flowers, but most of them, though pretty, were very stem-y. Meaning, they'd take a lot of work to get in bouquet-carrying form. I was about to walk off with peonies or something when I spotted cheap ($5 a bunch), small, purple and white mini calla lilies. I got two purple bunches, one white and one where each flower had both colors and left a happy woman. I made the bouquets the following morning, that's right, a couple of hours before the wedding. I may be the best procrastinator in the UNIVERSE.



I had my regular hair lady perfect my do for the hitchin' day, but I was not about to get up at the crack of dawn. I went in the day before, around 6pm. I got out a lot later than I thought I would and this is why I was rushing around looking for flowers at 10pm that night. My mom got her hair done at basically the same time. Here we are in our rollers, which is comical mostly because we NEVER get our hair set in rollers. EVER. And, because we look silly.


Also, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize publicly to HUBS. See, I don't know if you remember, but around mid-June I decided to stop taking my depression meds. I had headaches and dizzy spells for about two weeks because of it and thought everything was ok then. But, around July 1 I began to experience the worst mood swings of my entire life. HUBS and I both think it was the last vestiges of me coming down off my meds. I would spend one day crying almost all day, and then the next day I'd be furious all day about everything. And we aren't talking regular anger, either. I would yell and scream and curse and throw things and hit things, I even hurt my hand so bad after an episode that I had to put a heat patch on it and it was sore for several days. This back and forth lasted right up until July 19, the day of the wedding. Then, I was fine. And, thank God, I've been fine since. So, HUBS, I'm sorry and thanks for listening to my rants, getting out of the way when I threw stuff and holding me when I cried. Jesus, I'm glad that's over.

Wedded Bliss

So, I'm all hitched up, internet!

More details to follow, but for now, enjoy some lovely photos...


Two weeks before the wedding I did a makeup test. I did my own makeup, and since I almost never wear more than lip gloss I needed to get my head around powder/mascara/concealer/etc... It turned out pretty good.


These gifts were from FI-ance's boss. I loved the way they were wrapped and loved what was inside, dishwasher and microwave safe china!


I made this box for cards to use at the reception. I spray painted a shoebox gold, used a flower stamp with purple ink around the sides of the top and added chip board letters and fake purple mesh leaves. Look at citygirl! Gettin' all crafty and such!


We got some gifts prior to the wedding and after waiting a couple of days I just couldn't take not opening them anymore. Is it wrong that I love getting stuff? It is? I totally don't care.


You guessed it, this is us. By the way, it took some thinking but FI-ance is now HUBS. I tried calling him hubby, but it just sounded too precious and soccer mom-ish. HUBS is much better.

Happiness, Or Not

Wow. I've been away from the blogsphere for quite a long time. And really, I wish I could tell you guys that I've been doing lots of cool, interesting stuff. But, here's what I've been occupying my time with:

1) I've written one feature and am working on another for the website I'm doing freelance stuff for. My next deadline is Tuesday and as usual I'm terrified I'll suck out loud.

2) I finally got our wedding invites in the mail on Wednesday. I made them myself, had the little buggers printed at Kinko's, made my own stamps with my photos on them at zazzle.com, stamped them with gold flowers for ornamentation and mailed the lot of them. Since I apparently haven't had to count anything since, I don't know, college or something, I ordered too many stamps and printed too many invites. We cannot afford to waste all that moolah spent, so somebody's getting a postcard thank you note to use up the 27 cent postage. It was a bit of work getting the wording and general idea just right, but SO HUGELY FUCKING WORTH IT. We ended up saving about $1,000 by doing the invites at home and not paying for silly RSVP card postage. YAY!

3) I have been riotously sick for the past week. The worst of it was last Sunday. FI-ance and I went out to eat the Friday before. I was fine Saturday, but had the bulk of my previous night's dinner as leftovers that same day and, HOLY JESUS ON BUTTERED TOAST. Positively the worse case of food poisoning I've had since I was in college. I had to camp out in our loverly bathroom for a WHOLE TWO HOURS. I had to send FI-ance to the gas station down the street so the poor boy could pee (and get me some Sierra Mist to settle my achy stomach). My belly was sore for two days after the initial blast. FI-ance thinks one of those evil salmonella tomatoes got me, there was one on my sandwich. O.N.E.

Also giving me fits this week? I'm off my don't-be-crazy-and-sad meds. I decided to do my own detox when I lost my insurance and found out keeping myself in happy pills would cost $150 a month. Besides, I feel significantly less hopeless and lonely and crazy than when I started the dope. The thing about my particular drug is that you have to taper off, stopping suddenly gives you severe dizzy spells and headaches. Thank God I didn't have to do daily driving this week. I would wake up fine, eat a little lunch and promptly have to return to bed 'cause things were spinning and fading in and out and hurting like a muthabitch. Other than the invites I literally got zilch done this week. I'm still pretty tired and listless, but I feel more like a normal person now.

4) I went in for my yearly checkup on Monday and found out I have hit a new all-time high fucking weight: 254. I'm now in a race against my heart disease/diabetes/high blood pressure prone heritage to lose weight before something really horrible happens to me. I couldn't muster enough energy to exercise this week, but I had already started the yoga/walking/toning stuff again. I started drinking only water when we eat out. I leave food on my plate. And I even bought a book. Problem is, I feel like I'm getting fatter everyday.

5) My hair is still falling out. I've been doing a lot of careful hair-combing, looking at the loose strands and going, "Ah, well, dammit."

6) I don't know if this is going on where you are, but it's outrageously hot here. Do you remember what happens to me when it gets hot? That's right, y'all. I turn into the Supreme Grand Mega Bitch On Wheels In All The Land. Which land, you ask? Fucking all of them. To put this as mildly as possible, I fucking hate hot weather and I fucking hate having the sun on my skin during the summer. The room FI-ance and I get hitched in will probably have to be chilled to 40 degrees before I can re-solidify for the ceremony.

So, what has the internet been up to while I was away? Hmmmm?