Happy Friday: Teensy Revelations

...

Let's get to the gritty of the nitty, folks. Even though I've been able to keep my purchasing of magazines to an absolute minimum, thanks to my ability to land free subscriptions - I still have way too many monthlies in my house.

How do I know this? Well, as HUBS and I were tidying up today for our second appraisal visit so we can refinance our mortgage (not our fault...don't ask), I really had to take stock of the number of magazine I have lying around. Now, I haven't tipped over into hoarder territory, but the figures aren't great.

I've got 38 magazines hanging around that I've read and a whopping 104 that I haven't even looked at, some from three or more years ago. I know. I. Know!

To my credit, though, they are all contained by my three magazine racks and the basket in the bathroom that was supposed to be for toilet paper (don't judge, you know it's a good place to read). So, it's not like we're eating our dinner off old Entertainment Weekly's or using stacks of Lucky and Ebony as our couch. But...still. It's too much.

One reason I've got so many finished magazines around is that I cannot let interesting tidbits/products/pop culture stuff slip through my fingers. I always fold pages down or rip them out so I can look things up or file them away in the generous amount of binders bought expressly for the purpose of saving magazine pages. So, until I go through all of them and pick them clean of new stuff, I feel I can't throw them out.

Well, it's getting done over the next week. I've heard that having too much clutter around can sort of clutter your mind. Maybe this is a tiny part of what's bugging me? Hmmm...OK, on to the internet.

1) This interesting website puts the 'net to work for you.

2) If you haven't checked out the Comedy Central Stand-Up site, you're missing out. Any time you need a pick-me-up you can find video clips of your favorite comedians right here.

3) And, I might be super late coming to this info, but you can even create audio channels based on your comedian of choice on Pandora. Yes!

4) If you would like to blend the awesome powers of Ikea and comedy, then Ikea Heights is for you.

5) Addicted to Pinterest? Addicted to good quotes? Pin A Quote!

Have a great weekend lovelies!

The Voice: Questions

... But I'm sure they got it from NBC.

1) Why do the judges insist on making their best singers team up? Sure, it leads to great performances like last week's Jessie Campbell vs. Anthony Evans, but then they end up having to get rid of one of their best singers. I say, pair your best up with the only O.K. voices so you get to weed them out and make your team even stronger. Duh.

2) Why is Adam Levine dressing like someone's deranged great-grandpa? Is he trying to convince us that he's not a smug bastard?

...

3) Why does Blake only choose the singers who are mentored by his wife, Miranda Lambert? Last week he chose RaeLynn (the singer he actually said reminded him of a young version of his wife) even though she did not come through during her battle song at all. He chose Miranda's coachee this week as well. Is this really the precedent you want to set, Blake? Because your team will end up suffering and you will not win!

...

4) Is anyone else having trouble listening to Christina in her current outfit of choice? I try, but then I get distracted by alternating eye-fulls of boobie-liciousness and that insane UFO fascinator she's rockin'. She has got to change next week!



5) When will Cee Lo announce that he and Purrfect the Cat are actually married and have two litters of bald kittens? I suppose this interview may have to stand as proof enough.

A Nice Thought

Amen, sister! Though, I must say, it seems easier to revel in your imperfection when people can look at some version of you and your life where no imperfection appears to exist.

Does that make sense to everyone, or just me?

Cough Drop Pep Talk

I told you that I've been sick for a couple of weeks. As part of my convalescence, I downed a couple of Halls per day to keep the cough monster at bay. Last week I noticed that the wrapper on my drops was covered in positive slogans.

Inspire envy.
Be unstoppable.
Conquer today.
Dust off and get up.

Sure, this is all nice stuff to hear that could perk you up on an average day. But, it still seems a bit odd. Are we so hell bent on ambition that we can't be left to illness in peace? Or, are we so filled with in-adequateness anxiety that we need constant pep talks, even from our cough drops? Do we really need constant reassurance?

Isn't there something to be said for not being forced positive thoughts when we're sick? Sometimes you need to curl up with a box of tissues, a well-lined trash can, your comfiest p.j.'s and blanket, a stack of magazines and the best bad T.V. show you can find. Sometimes you need to sleep all day and have fever dreams and let your mind wander and not be able to tell those dreams from the real stuff happening around you.

I love a good pep talk as much as anyone, but illness is human and natural. So are bad days, lazy days and blah feelings. I'm not offended by the cough drop pep talks, I just find it to be a bit much.

What do you guys think? Is the Cough Drop Pep Talk needed or an unnecessary bridge too far?

Music Monday: Oy!

I was way behind on house cleaning, and since we have an appraiser coming over tomorrow because of our mortgage refinance, I decided that today was a good day to catch up. Laundry, base boards, stove scrubbing, floor cleaning, dusting...I even got the sides of the stove and fridge; really tight spots that get neglected a lot. I sprayed for bugs and dusted the blinds and wiped down the kitchen walls.

And completely wore myself out. I'm still hacking up lungs with a cold over here. After four and a half hours of cleaning I needed a mental and physical break. Good thing I had some good music to help me through...

Happy Friday: Spring To Winter In One Day

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Even though we've had a super-mild winter here in Missouri, days like today help remind us that mid-western weather is completely unpredictable. Just when I was feeling crazy for indulging in my yearly boot craving, the temperature dropped 20 degrees, the sun hid behind ominous clouds and the winds began howling.



Lordy, I love looking at boots. Much more than plain shoes. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that, as a large-legged lass, I can't wear any old boots. In fact, boots that go past my ankle rarely zip all the way up. This means no cheap boots from Payless or Target for me. I've got 18 inch calves over here!



The last boots I got, for my birthday in 2010, were from Torrid. Those aren't even real leather and they cost 70 bucks! If that doesn't sound like a lot to you, let's remember that since going full-on freelance I think everything that costs more than $10 is too expensive, so, my perspective? She is skewed.



Don't boots just make you feel cozy and loved and safe and happy? Like you're in your own little cocoon of warmth and style and joy? Yes? I knew we had a lot in common. Enjoy the weekend, friends!



* Photos from Nordstrom, Delia's and Lands End catalogs.

Dammit Davy!

I grew up watching The Monkees. That might sound odd for a 37 year old to say, but by the time I was a tween, the '60s were back and Nickelodeon was playing The Monkees in hour-long blocks twice a day.

What's most disturbing about this for me is that Davy Jones was only 66. My mom is 61. It is not time for people my mom's age who were previously healthy to start suddenly dropping dead. That scares the shit out of me. Just...Dammit!

Ammo Slammo, It's Gotta Go Blammo!

Bombed...

Well, now that I've taken a post Oscar break to shore up my health by lazing about and sleeping all day, it's time to get back into the spring-like swing of things.

I'm not going to talk about the Academy Awards. Isn't that really for the best? I mean, aren't we all tired of leg bombs and Jennifer's boobs anyway? Sure, areolas are nice, but if you've seen one caramel nip, you've seen them all, I say.

Pop culture is such a fascinating animal, mostly because people are odd and original creatures and what we become fixated on will likely be odd as well. HUBS and I, of course, are no different.

Post The Voice/Smash television on Monday night was dead, so we stuck it on Cool TV and watched music videos. An old favorite from The Scorpions came on:



That's right, I said an old favorite. What? Can't a black girl enjoy '80s heavy metal like everyone else? Anyway, this prompted HUBS to look the band up online, where he found lyrics to a song neither of us had heard of before called You´re So Dirty (But Also So Beautiful). The words? Perfect early '80s slightly nasty nonsensical rock. Enjoy the madness!

The breath cold as ice
Even though the earth burns
Where you are also there I will be
I live now, I live here in this world
I breath through complete lust

Damn you slam you, eat me like a menu
Take it brake it, kick it to the ground
Empty hollow, it's so hard to swallow
Gotta know what's your size

You are so nasty, and yet so fine
I want to lose myself in you
You are so nasty, how far will you go
Only around me to have fun
You tell me yet again about the fact that
No one has ever seen you
Still I stay just yours, go
Through flesh and blood
For you, you live in me

Ammo slammo, it's gotta go blammo

Lust you bust you, Can I ever trust you
Scare you dare you, anyway I want you
Catch you grab you now

You are so nasty, and yet so fine
I want to lose myself in you
You are so nasty, how far will you go
Only around me to have fun

Hard ass lard ass, keep your hands off my stash
Holy stoli gotta have a stogie
Master blaster, buy a jabocaster
Gotta eat your heart out now

You are so nasty, and yet so fine
Oh, you're my fantasy
You are so nasty, how far will you go
To keep me true, trust me not
You are so nasty, and yet so fine
I want to lose myself in you
You are so nasty, how far will you go
Only around me to have fun

Phew! Now, if you're like me you were left with one question: What the hell is a jabocaster? Well, I found out for you. See how dedicated I am?

Happy Friday: Sleep And Sleep Some More

Fridays are good. Fridays when you're dealing with some demon combo of the flu and a cold? Not so good. But, once I get over this I'll probably be fine until at least the end of the year. So, yea!

I have been a very poor searcher of new internet things this week. Isn't it interesting how something as simple as getting online can make you tired when you're sick?

I'm going back to my lounging and sneezing. Enjoy some music on this chilly Friday evening and dance for me, my lovelies.

Tuesday Tipday: Rid Yourself of Dream Paralysis

I subscribe to a lot of email lists, most with the hope of learning new things to help me grow as a person or professional. Sometimes, though, it's good to have an old nugget of wisdom re-worded for me and brought to my attention again.

That's what I got today when I finally read a four day old email from Write To Done. It was a guest post written by a guy who started blogging to document the process of writing a novel.

He talked about something I have struggled with for many years: letting my dreams become so big that I can't act on them. The best advice he gave is no less true for being well-known: Decision=Action. If you can make a decision, even a small one, regarding your dream of success/freedom/a better, happier life, it will lead to action. And action leads to (eventually) living your dream realistically. That means living your dream with all the highs and lows and plateaus that were likely stymieing you in the first place.

If dream paralysis has a hold on you, read How To Dream Without Making Dreams Your Master. It just might make a sense of ease wash over you.

Music Monday: I Must Be Losing My Mind...

I kinda like a song by a Jonas Brother. I...I don't know what's happening to me over here.



On the other hand, I also like this cool, odd little song featuring my new fave, Kimbra. So, I must not be going completely insane. Right?

Happy Friday: Light As A Feather

You know that feeling where the fog lifts, the clouds part and everything seems bright and hopeful again? I'm having that in spades today, and a lot of it has to do with not filling out mortgage refinance applications or talking to bankers or doing math. That stuff took up so much time this week that by yesterday this time I felt I was losing my complete and total mind.

I don't know what we're going to do for the extended weekend, but I foresee some low-cost fun. Oh yes, I do. On to the internet!

1) Lifehacker lists 50 Free Apps they adore.

2) This simple site looks like nothing much at first. But, type an Amazon.com product into the box, hit GO and get a dizzying array of like-minded items in return. It's kinda fun!

3) I haven't seen this HBO documentary yet, but I'm intrigued.

4) For job seekers: more opinions on how to get hiring managers to pay attention to you.

5) I like the looks of Greatist, yet another health and wellness website.

Today I Am Tired Of...

1) Mortgage refinance applications
2) Numbers
3) Math
4) Rain
5) Furnaces that leak
6) Buckets
7) Confusion
8) Sleeplessness
9) Anxiety
10)Tax refunds that come way late

Today I like...



1) Chocolate and strawberries
2) Cream cheese
3) Flaky homemade biscuits
4) Chicken fried in a cast iron skillet
5) Tax refunds that come in a reasonable time
6) Disney Princess gummy vitamins
7) Pandora on my TV
8) Selling on ebay/half.com
9) Rich soap opera characters whose problems are still a lot worse than mine
10)Clumsy cats

It might seem counter-intuitive, but I like the idea of purging the irritating before I embrace the cool stuff.

Dammit, I need to laugh...



This one wraps up by the six minute mark, just so you know...

Music Monday: Dammit Whitney!

Just...sigh...



Some much happier news? Adele won a shit load of Grammy Awards! And she's on the cover of Vogue!



Meanwhile, if you need a Grammy inspired laugh...



The world just gets classier everyday.

Dammit, Nicki!!

Oh, Katy...



Ahhh...That's better!

Happy Friday: Ignoring The Stress

I've had an odd realization today that I don't know what to do about. I'm not going into details, though, because it is not Happy Friday appropriate at all. So, let's look around online and have a great weekend!

1) I don't have enough space on my phone for this grocery shopping/list app, but as soon as I do I'm trying it out.

2) If WorkFlowy can really organize my screwy brain, I'll have to find a way to get the developers anything they want.

3) I just found this tip-filled health & well-being site today, but I'm already addicted.

4) This simple site will save web pages so you can read them later on any of your devices.

5) You should get to know this guy. He's funny!

Possibly The Funniest M&M's Commercial...Ever

I laugh every time I watch it, and I've watched it quite often.

Music Monday: I Actually Feel Hopeful...

I think it's got something to do with it being tax refund time. Oh, yeah. That's it!

Happy Friday: Something "Not So Nice"

Welcome to the end of the week, everybody! I heard something odd this Tuesday that I'd like to discuss with you.

I'd taken HUBS to work and spent the day with him at his job. He needed to get his car looked over, and it was just easier to hang out with him than do a lot of coming and going between his place of business and our house (which is about 20 minutes away).

Near the end of the rather long day, I went to the bathroom. HUBS works at an elementary school, and because there are children everywhere the bathrooms can sometimes be iffy. On this particular jaunt to the lavatory, I found a turd on the floor.

I told HUBS about it when I got back to his office, just so he'd be able to avoid it if he went in later. He decided to tell one of the custodians. After she cleaned the bathroom she stopped by his office. That's when she said this: Yeah, you were right. That's what that was. I also found something NOT SO NICE in the trash can, so I just replaced the whole bag.

HUBS thanked her, and when she walked away I told him what her "Not so nice" item had to have been: my maxi pad, which I'd wrapped up and put in the trash since there was no feminine product disposal unit around.

I'm confused. What's wrong with putting a pad in the trash? Was there some Menstruating Ladies Only restroom I should have used? I've been to HUBS' job many times, and no one has ever told me about it. What does this building filled with women do when they have their periods? Bury the pads and tampons in the field out back? Put them back in their purses? Eat the Goddammed things?

Look, I know the place is covered in kids and no one wants to discuss periods with an eight year old boy, but I was slightly offended. Is this not a natural part of life? More natural than say, finding turds on the floor? Come on, janitor lady, I know you're kinda old, but get with it. What do you think? Would you have been offended by what she said?

On to some internet things!

1) How drunk is your city?

2) Gay people should watch the Superbowl, too!

3) Spiders! Ants! Centipedes! Phantom itching explained!

4) Paste Magazine has a list for your every entertainment occasion.

5) OK, Octavia! I'm glad to have that cleared up, because I was worried for a minute that all you thought about was your weight!

That's all for me friends. Enjoy the Superbowl!

A Nice Thought

Too true...

Can Underarms Be Too Fresh?

You'll remember me lamenting the failure of my non-aluminum deodorant a while back. Well, I finally gave up on it and bought some Dove Original Scent on sale for $2. But now I don't know; it might smell too good.

I picked my usual type of scent, which is always in the Clean! Fresh! Linen! spectrum. The Dove smelled fine on its own, and then I put it on...The scent is very strong. And like...Shampoo?

These are, by far, the freshest underarms I've ever had. Every time I lift my arms I get a shampoo slap to the nostrils. While it is far better than the Tom's of B.O. experience of the last couple months, do I really need my pits to smell this good? I haven't decided yet.

I was getting ready yesterday morning, and as is the case when I haven't showered in a couple days (SHUT UP!), I added a bit more deodorant. Now, you can't just add your standard number of swipes when you haven't bathed. My typical number is between five and seven. Yesterday I only used two. I've found that if you deodorize as though you just showered, it'll backfire.

All that fake fresh on top of even the tiniest amount of natural odor will turn on you around mid-day. You'll end up with one of four smells: Frito, foot, booty or old-man-peeing-on-the-subway.

If you're going for fresh and get Frito, you haven't done your job as a human. And, as far as I'm concerned, you only have two jobs as a human: treat other people like you'd want to be treated and don't be funky enough for everyone you pass to get a whiff. That's all. Really.

So, on Tuesday morning I did my job as a human. And, if you need to get out of the house fast without showering, just know that we appreciate you taking it easy on the deodorant, too.

Music Monday: Take It Easy

Sometimes you have to ease into the week as much as possible. Maybe that was my mistake today. I shot out of bed and started doing things by 8:40 am. Within two hours I was still getting things done but mentally worn out. I narrowly missed another panic attack and have likely been frowning for eight hours straight.

Things are feeling impossible again, so I want to know: How do you deal with the pressure?

Now, let's all relax away the Monday blahs...

Happy Friday! Courtesy Of Our Friend, Tina Fey

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I told you earlier this week that I was reading Bossypants, right? Well, I finished today. There are lots of good things going all through that book, but I especially enjoyed Fey's names-for-things-no-one-has-yet-named and catchy phrases. In fact, I think several of them would make awesome band names. So...

Imaginary Band Names Via Tina Fey

1) Stunted Brain Cloud
2) Crazy Assache
3) Ball of Fingers!
4) Coordinator of Toddlery
5) The World-wide Parental Anxiety System
6) The Terror Burps
7) Crotch Biscuits (My personal favorite!)

Now! Internet revelry!

1) These stupid folk could learn from these people from back in the day.

2) Positive thinking makes you taller! (Or something like that.)

3) Tired of looking at that box full of jewelry that you got every time your ex needed to apologize for doing something majorly stupid? Get some money for that shit, already.

4) Learn how deepening your understanding of health, sexuality and fashion can make you the bees knees.

That's it for me friends! Enjoy the weekend!!

The Day I Just Gave The Fuck Up And Ate Cookies For Breakfast

This photo has nothing to do with my post. I just love the idea of a chocolate candy Jesus. There's even a halo! That, my friends, is art.

I know. I haven't posted for two days! Would you forgive me if I told you I was neck-deep in Tina Fey's Bossypants? If only for the fact that that sentence sounds dirty but isn't, you should really forgive me.

This week so far has been another in a life-long line of weeks where I disappoint myself. Other than reading and temporarily working out some financial issues, I've not done much. I haven't emptied the dishwasher or done laundry or written a single query letter or applied for any day jobs.

In fact, I'm going to go so far as to say that I haven't done any housekeeping stuff simply because I don't want to use cleaning as a convenient excuse for why I've done zero important work stuff. You know what I mean.

It's like when you have to tell your kid their ferret died, but instead you scrub all the walls in the house with a toothbrush so you can go to bed saying Well, I'm glad I finally got that done. That was some important shit that should have been done months ago so you can forget about the actual important shit that should have been done today because it's hard and you don't want to think about it right now.

I'm slowly coming to two realizations which I'm successfully letting paralyze me: ONE-The things I want are hard and will take loads of work and dedication. TWO-I am, minute by hour by day by week by year by decade, wasting my life. And instead of doing something about this, like dedicating myself to working hard and not wasting my God-given time, I've frozen up. I eat cookies for breakfast and spend all day reading books and watching TV shows by people who have jobs I'd like to have.

In my barely defensible defense, I actually only had one cookie for breakfast today. And that was preceded by a nice healthy bowl of Dulce de Leche Cheerios. Of course, I also had coffee and popcorn for lunch, so who knows? Maybe I'm imagining virtue where there is none.

What have you eaten for breakfast lately that your mother would not approve of?

Happy Monday: Lord! The Stress!

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Things That Are Stressing Me Out Today

1) I've been on and off my period twice in the last week...Over a week before I was due to have my period at all.
2) Paypal is being a dick.
3) My tummy hurts.
4) My back hurts.
5) Ebay is being a dick.
6) People who hire people are being dicks.

Things That Make Me Happy Today

1) Pandora on my TV!
2) Final payment arrived from dead freelance writing job!
3) Cobbling together $28 from various online survey companies/accounts!
4) Clearing out internet bookmarks I don't use!
5) YouTube on my TV!

Speaking of YouTube...

Happy Friday: All Around Town

Welcome to Friday again, my lovelies! If you haven't heard, the amazing Etta James has died. If you don't know who she is and you love music, you should know who she is. Check out the video above from 1962 for a sprinkling of her vocal talents.

This weekend promises to be more sedate for HUBS and I than last weekend. We visited The Loop Ice Carnival on Saturday to see the hoop dancers, stilt walkers, fire performers and penguin people brave the cold in U City.







Then, on Sunday, we did Eagle Days on the unbelievably windy and frigidly cold Old Chain of Rocks Bridge. Where, by the way, we saw tons of gulls, but only about three eagles.







Now, let's see if we can find some interesting things for you to peruse online.

1) The winter hats and tees on this site are killing me. I want almost all of them!

2) Awkward celeb photos take the internet by storm!

3) Loving Ron Swanson could never be wrong.

4) Ryan Gosling has done a surprisingly large amount of singing during his career.

5) If regular TV isn't floating your entertainment boat right now, look into the rising number of web series that are catching on.

That's all for me, today. Have lovely times, my friends!

I Feel Much Better When I Accomplish Things. Why Do I Continually Need To Relearn This?

Wow, you guys. I got a shit-ton done yesterday, and it wasn't even a Wednesday!

I applied for eight jobs yesterday. That's the most actual jobs I've ever applied for in one day. When I say actual jobs, I mean there were job openings listed, as opposed to me just sending out random resumes and cover letters to places I'd like to work, thinking Notice me! Like me! Hire me! Please? Please!

It was quite nice to be able to truly relax when HUBS got home. There were less shouldas hanging around my brain making it hard to concentrate on Tara's third season. I was spurred on by HUBS' activity on Monday night. The man applied for 14 jobs in five hours. I tried, but after eight jobs and four and a half hours, my brain just dried the fuck out.

I still need to write my query letters and my freelance writing marketing letters. But, I do feel good about Tuesday's productivity level. So, yay for accomplishment. But, boo for basically needing to accomplish the exact same stuff every day!

Ah, well. 'Tis life, my friends.

What do you have to keep relearning?

Well, That Bored The Crap Outta Me

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Did anyone watch Alcatraz on Fox last night? I was really hoping it would hit all my mysterious conspiracy buttons and turn into must-see, appointment viewing TV.

Instead it felt a lot like a tired version of early LOST. Not much of a surprise since J.J. Abrams is behind this show as well. It was all just so slow and lackadaisical (Though the two hour premiere somehow managed to speed by. Which was good. Because I was bored.), even the action scenes didn't make my heart race.

I was fully prepared to like it and deal with several seasons of convoluted-story bullshit. But what I got was something that didn't inspire any devotion on the viewer's part at all.

My main issue? How did the government explain the disappearance of every prisoner and guard and guard's family from Alcatraz in a way that made none of them ask any questions? You know they're never going to explain that to any significant level of satisfaction, right?

Blah. Now, because I am indeed a TV whore, I'll give it another shot to thrill me. But they better hurry the fuck up. I'm almost 40; I can't waste all my time on television that sucks!

Happy Friday: Desperation Is A Cold Cup Of Coffee

This is Thursday's sad coffee cup. Why was my coffee cup so blue, you ask? Because our 18 1/2 year old microwave blew out Wednesday night (With sparks! Exciting!) and I couldn't reheat the coffee that was left inside her belly.

I know not having a microwave for all of 18 hours (That's right, not even a full day of inconvenience.) isn't exactly a hardship, but it was still irritating. And it was irritating that it was irritating. What's wrong with me? I boiled water on the stove all of three times: for hot chocolate, a bowl of oatmeal and coffee.

By that third bowl I was actually tired. And when that last tablespoon of my coffee got cold I thought Shit, what do I do now? I'd rather not drink it cold, but I don't want to throw it out either. I can't boil a tablespoon of coffee to heat it back up! It would get hot and immediately evaporate!

I ended up just putting the mug in the refrigerator with my tiny pool of coffee in the bottom. What did people do in 1950? Just drink that shit cold?

Oh, well. Now that HUBS and I have a new microwave we can all concentrate on some internet things...

1) How have I not heard about this until now?

2) Dying to have a bound book of all your twats...Uh, tweets, from twitter? These folks can do it.

3) Some style trends that need to die a much faster death.

4) I always knew FASHION was stupid.

5) A Pandora for YouTube videos? I'm already hooked!

6) Catch up on all the Shit Girls Say madness. I think my favorite is the parody Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls. Oh yeah. That's it!

I Just Realized We Should Have Known My Dad Was A Dick All Along

Me and my mom in the mid-1990s. I know I was in college, because OH MY GOD I LOVED THAT SHIRT WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE!


Alright, I didn't just realize it. It's more like I realized it last Thursday. Here's what happened.

I started thinking about the one screenplay I've completed, which is mostly based on the things that actually happened when my dad walked out on PT (yes, that's my mom). I was going over some things and my mind landed on the fact that, in the screenplay, the dad character calls the mom character by a shortened version of her actual name. Which the mom happens to hate. This is directly taken from what really went on with my folks.

And then it hit me: No one who cares about someone would call that person by a name they dislike on purpose.

PT's name is Clementine. According to her, she's hated her name since birth. Because of that, no one ever calls her by it, she goes by Tina. But, the entire time I was growing up and right through their divorce, do you know what my dad called her? Clem.

I know what you're thinking, Well, that's not her full name. Here's the problem: PT HATED CLEM MUCH MORE THAN SHE HATED CLEMENTINE.

It was blatantly obvious. Every time my dad said her name, PT would cringe, grimace or roll her eyes a bit. There were even times when you could see her go from happy to disappointed when she heard his moniker for her.

What's even worse is that I can remember PT telling him, on many occasions when I was little, that she didn't want to be called Clem. But, what did he do? He kept right on calling her Clem.

What kind of person does this? Only an arrogant, selfish, uncaring DICK...That's who. How could I not have put this (as far as I'm concerned) critical bit of info together as evidence of his DICKness sooner?

Maybe it's one of those things where I was too young and too close to it. I knew PT hated what he called her and that it sucked that he did it anyway, but I had to get to 37 years old without having any contact with the man for 16 years to really piece together what his denial of her simple request meant: I DON'T THINK HE EVER CARED ABOUT HER. NOT REALLY.

And that makes me so sad for my mom, who spent 22 years in a marriage where she wasn't truly valued. I suppose the little things do matter a lot.

Dammit...now I'm crying.

Music Monday: Cake Is Good

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Fueled by my period last Friday, I did something I'd never previously done before: I opened a box of cake mix just so I could eat it dry, right out of the pack.

I know this probably sounds disgusting to a lot of you. But, I tell you what, you get yourself a glass of ice cold water and a spoon and you will not (entirely) regret this decision. Dry cake mix is good, y'all.

If you empty the mix into a bowl and shake it around little clumps of the mix will form, making it easy to scoop up. I actually didn't discover this until I was living on my own. It might be because whenever I made cake as a kid I was supervised, and nothing gets in the way of unsanctioned shenanigans like adult supervision.

This whole thing wasn't as bad as it sounds, either. I was only able to eat about five teaspoons full before it got too sweet for me and I decided to just go ahead and make the damn cake. Which turned out awesome. (Idea: make Duncan Hines Pineapple Cake mix with pineapple juice and add pineapple tidbits to mix before baking. Then, serve hot with vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce. *drool*)

Now, on to some funny songs that'll help tighten your abs after eating too much cake!


I love me some Eartha, but her voice and disco just don't mix at all!






Take some time to watch more of his videos. He's hilarious!






Ok, this one isn't technically a music video, but it's still fun!

Happy Friday: Unseasonably Warm Temperatures Scare Me A Bit!

I don't know where you live, but in St. Louis right now? It's crazy outside. Today it's supposed to get up to 65 degrees! In January! In the Midwest! While I'm glad that (sadly) stray animals and (sadly) homeless people will have a nicely mild day outside, whenever it's this warm in what should be deep winter I start to think about tornadoes. We had so freakin' many of those last year, that I'd really like for that to not happen again.

I'm borrowing trouble by thinking about this, aren't I?

OK, then! On to some cool webby things for your weekend...

1) If you're looking to CONNECT more in the new year like me, Lifehacker might be able to help.

2) Entertainment Weekly rates SNL's best and worst sketches from 2011.

3) Wanna hear some new rock music that'll likely be completely ignored by traditional radio? Try Third Rock Radio.

4) There's nothing like a cute dog who appreciates a good tune.

5) Visit this fascinating peek at the lists of famous folk from decades past. Marilyn Monroe's is especially telling.

Ahhh...Now, get out and do some stuff! Have a great weekend, lovelies!

13 Things You Should Know

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Let's get something out of the way immediately: I do not have an extensive catalog of life experience. I've never back-packed around the world alone, dated more than one guy at a time, survived a drug overdose or defeated a criminal mastermind.

Even still, I do have an interesting collection of knowledge from my time on the planet thus far. Without further ado, here's some stuff I think everyone should know.

13 Things You Should Know

1) Lady bugs are bitches. Ever been bitten by one? I have, and that shit hurts like a mutha fucka.

2) It's completely possible to forget how to ride a bike. After a couple of years not riding my bike I figured I could just hop on and glide away again...I could not.

3) You can lose a fairly significant portion of your hair and still not appear bald. It's all about careful combing, people.

4) Eating yourself into a shame coma isn't pleasant, but sometimes it is necessary.

5) There's nothing wrong with a day spent in bed, even when the days on either side of that day are filled with similar levels of do-nothing-ness.

6) You never have to say yes, but every now and then you should.

7) Multi-cat households are not automatically run by crazy people who fart loudly in front of strangers and pee in the sink. Why are people with loads of dogs seen as gentle, kind hearted folk, while people with lots of cats are deemed ready for the nut house?

8) Speaking of farting in front of strangers, sometimes you just have to. Say nothing and move on.

9) TV is awesome, but so is turning it off when you're not actually watching anything.

10) You can have acne, dry skin, oily skin and baby wrinkles all at once. The aging process? Somewhat alarming.

11) There's nothing wrong with paying for your groceries with a pile of change. It is money, after all. Just be a dear and count it out for the cashier, mmmkay?

12) You're not truly special until you manage to get a rock inside your sock while walking and wearing knee-high boots. Happens to me all the time. I blame the Weird Vortex that surrounds me.

13) You can burp and hiccup at the same time. But, be prepared; it'll either be outrageously loud or outrageously painful.

There you have it! Now, what do you think we should know?

Tuesday Tipday: Christen Your Year...Again!

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2011 was the first time I tried giving a year an overarching goal by christening it my year of EXPANSION.

Now, while I'll admit I didn't do much that folks would consider revolutionary, I did make steps. And steps are important. You don't get anywhere without them, even the tiny ones. So, for just a minute, I'd like to publicly congratulate myself for doing some stuff differently on occasion.

*pats self on back*
*laughs hysterically*
*does cartwheel...in head*
*applauds wildly*

OK! That was fun! You should try it, too, because I know you must have done something new, different or scary last year. Maybe you tried a new food, or visited a new city or went to a movie by yourself for the first time ever. Go ahead, take a minute and celebrate your ability to leave your comfort zone.

*envisions everyone celebrating themselves and is happy*

There. See? It's nice, right? Alright, now let's talk about what 2012 is going to be about. Since I'm still at the infant stages of EXPANSION, I'm actually going to be so bold as to add a goal instead of substituting EXPANSION for another one.

What's my added goal for 2012? CONNECTION. I've talked here and there about the loneliness of writing from home and my need for more buddies. And now, I'm going to make it a priority to get out of the house and actually talk to some people. Holy shit, you guys. My heart started racing just writing that. I'm gonna write it again...

I'M MAKING IT A PRIORITY TO TALK TO MORE PEOPLE. SPECIFICALLY IN THE HOPES OF MAKING MORE FRIENDS.

Egad! It's there for all the world to see! As with my efforts in EXPANSION, I'll tag each post with CONNECTION so you can follow my progress. This post will get a nice tag to that effect since HUBS and I went to an after church dinner meeting on Sunday. Turns out it wasn't quite what we expected, but we went. That was a big step for us loners!

So, how will you christen 2012?

Fiscally Speaking

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Remember how I told you about losing my one, semi-steady writing job a couple of weeks ago, and how energized I was by the opening up of new opportunity? Well, now the abject terror has set in.

Aside from the ridiculous amount of bills we have, I fully believe that our second highest expenditure is on food. So, last night while HUBS and I were going over our monies and moving bills around so we'd have some cash for the edible stuff, I made a proposition I've been wanting to make for weeks now: We need to stop eating out.

I realize this doesn't sound like a mighty idea to many of you, and Lord knows that when I was single I barely ate out at all. But, it's become way too much of a way of life for us. Especially HUBS. I realize that he's worn out after a 10 or 12 hour day, but if he gets home and I don't feel like cooking that somehow seems to translate to FAST FOOD YAY YUM!! for him.

I'm constantly having to say No, you know we don't have much cash to work with. We can make sandwiches, make soup, eat leftovers...And then HUBS' face falls and he pouts like a child who doesn't understand money stuff and he says OK with that hangdog expression.

As much as we are both tired of the pinch, I'm really tired of having to constantly be the bad guy. So, as of last night a one week Spending Freeze is on. Here's how we're going to do this:

Spending Freeze 2011-2012

1) We will buy groceries and only eat those groceries for the next seven days.

2) There will be no fast foods, restaurant trips or convenience foods/beverages from places like Quik Trip.

3) Coffee, tea, lunches and dinners are made at home.

4) If we run out of something, say, iced tea mix, we get more iced tea mix and not a 32 ounce cup of ready made iced tea.

5) When we get through seven days, we do it for another week...And another, and another. Until HUBS and I get used to not relying on Taco Bell/Pen Station/etcetera to fill our tired bellies.

I'll be frank here, since I barely leave the house this isn't going to be that hard for me. But HUBS? He dies a little inside when he sees food on TV, even if we are currently eating something he's declared delicious. He's all about his burgers, fries, tacos and subs. So, thank you in advance HUBS, for your complete cooperation on this. Doesn't it feel better already?

What do you need to stop spending so much money on?

5 Blogs That Rock My World

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We can all already agree that the internet is awesome. Pretty much everything that doesn't involve actual human contact (and some things that do) can be done online.

With such awesomeness comes a host of favorites. My blog bookmarks alone number in the hundreds (I know!), but that doesn't mean I don't have a few sites I need to visit on a regular basis. Here's my list of recent blog discoveries that make being online a lot more fun.

5 Blogs That Rock My World

1) Eat the Damn Cake: Kate talks about her life and times in the best way possible. She's funny, frank, inquisitive, clearly a good listener and a great writer. Kate's also not afraid to talk about embarrassing stuff and body image issues in ways that make her seem like your smart best friend. Anybody who's ever cried over the size of their thighs will like her a lot.

2) Pink of Perfection: Lordy, I love this blog! I find it so...soothing. Sarah writes about a lot of things (cooking, entertaining, lovely products to try...), but mostly she writes about trying to create a wonderful life filled with more of what enriches you and less of what drains you. Honestly, if you need to feel at peace, reading this cozy confection will set you straight.

3) Pop Candy: By now you should all know that I'm addicted to pop culture. Music, movies, TV, books, magazines and celebrity morsels are my life source. I love this blog so much that it's in my Google Reader, on this blog's sidebar and on my phone via the Pop Candy app. If you want all the top info on any media worth consuming, you need Whitney and her blog in your life. Need, people. Need!

4) Stylish Thought: At first glance Fajr's site looks like your standard fashion/style blog, but it's more than that. Her tag line (rethink style, rethink life) really exemplifies what Stylish Thought is about. Lifestyle and career advice, fashion inspiration and classic quotes to keep you moving through the trials of life...It's all here folks, and wrapped up with a pretty pin-up bow.

5) Vintage Black Glamour: Alright, I'm cheating a bit on this one, since it's not so much a blog as it is a tumblr. But! It's place on this list is merited, friends. I can't tell you how much it means as an African American woman to have so many inspiring images of (often) accomplished black folks in one spot. As a bonus, the photos are usually accompanied by brief histories on those shown. Learning and gloriously fashionable black people? I'll take it!

What blogs started rocking your world this year?

Holidays Come And Gone

Hello all! I trust that everyone who celebrates Christmas had a nice one.

Now, on to an important question: Does anyone else feel like they're being murdered by Christmas in a disco circa 1985 when they hear Mannheim Steamroller?

Yes? I knew it!

I Just Don't Get It

After hitting the post office today, I decided to spend some of my birthday cash four doors down at Starbucks. I got a 12 ounce Caramel Brulee Latte and, honestly, I was unimpressed.

This was only the second time in my entire life I've had a Starbucks coffee creation. What am I missing, people? The prices are outrageous (I spent $4.05 on something that wasn't anywhere near as good as the much cheaper cappuccino at Quik Trip) and it isn't what I'd call exceptionally tasty. Sure, it was hot, which is nice on a chilly day, but the flavor was only OK. It's got to be more of an atmosphere thing. Though that doesn't explain all the people who get expensive brew to go.

I have to confess: Starbucks holds no power over me. It's gas station cappuccino all the way for this girl.

Tuesday Tipday: Bathing Beauties

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More than anything right now I need baths. Some of this is just my natural predisposition to want to soak in a hot tub when it's cold outside. But since I've been having a host of issues with my knees and lower back and tailbone which include the occasional shooting pain, I can tell you for a fact that it's also because of that.

I can't feel like I'm being healed by the water if I'm standing in the shower. Not to mention that standing is not so great for my back. Or my knees. Or my desire to luxuriate in a warm liquid cloud as I read magazines and sip Kool-Aid. Trust me, it's kinda hard to do that in the shower.

Now, I'm all for fancy bath potions. There are innumerable softening bombs, beads, bubbles and oils on the market and I'm proud to say that I've tried many of them. But, it's not necessary to blow your mortgage money to have a sumptuous bathing experience.

Here are my ingredients for a splendiferous soak. Mix and match as needed.

For the Bathing Beauty

1) Reading material. Any book or magazine that you love needs to be beside the tub. Simple as that.

2) Unless, of course, you've got writing to do. In that case a journal and your best pen will set you right.

3) Your beverage of choice. Yes, I really have had Kool-Aid while I was in the bathtub. Why is that so odd?

4) Something to make the water soothe all those aching muscles and troubled thoughts. Try: milk (even the powdered kind or stuff from a can work) for skin softening, epsom salt for body aches, vanilla or almond extract for a pleasing scent and essential oils for soothing the mind.

5) If you're like me the feet need some extra attention. Don't forget a foot scrubber.

6) Music for the mood. I've been taking my phone into the room to play some tunes from my Pandora app, but a solid CD on repeat that can be heard from the bathroom will also do nicely.

7) Candles for serenity. Doesn't it help to stare into a flickering flame? Yes. Yes, it does.

I know you feel better just thinking about this, right? Well, that's what I'm here for.

Music Monday: Christmas Time? Already?

Hello lovelies! Are we all as ready for Christmas as we want to be? I, for one, am not. I'm really not feeling the spirit this year. HUBS and I did all our shopping in one fell swoop back in July, but I have yet to wrap anything or put up an iota of decorations. I've failed to listen to any of my favorite Christmas music or watch any significant amount of holiday cartoonage.

What's up with me?

Even the fact that a group of carolers hit the ghetto to serenade our neighbors last night (about a half hour before we had to call the police to report hearing gun shots, by the by) didn't do much to brighten my blah mood. I don't even know if PT wants to cook this year or not. I told her it didn't matter either, way, which is true, yet I now find myself wondering if cooking the usual Christmas meal would help get me in the mood.

Maybe some songs can help out right now...





Wait...





Something's...



Happening...



Yes! It's working! Woooooooooo!!

How do you get in a holiday mood?


*If you're wondering what's up with the sweet potato, HUBS' folks grew it and gave it to us at Thanksgiving. That thing was like a new baby...but bigger!